8/5/2016 WDT NSFW

Canis posted a disturbing cartoon about a cold cock. I do not want any part of that.

Stop, don't do it! Get Everclear instead.

 

Back before we knew his name was George Michael, we simply referred to him as "That dude with the "Hit me" face because of this video:

 

Back in college, we used to watch Laguna Beach and The Hills. It was mindless drivel, but it was mostly background filler to drinking. However, I did know who those people were and somewhat what was going on. I don't know if I have ever wanted to punch someone as much as I wanted to punch Spencer Pratt in the face. He was just such a douche. Just had that smug, entitled attitude and voice that made me cringe every time he came on tv. And he was a dick to LC, who was just waiting for me to save her. I just could not stand the dude.

Anyway, I still would love to punch this fuck in the face one time. It would be glorious...

Spoiler: Just give me one punch...

 

I went with Sailor Jerry. I did get a little airplane bottle of the Jäger though, I see a singular Jäger shot in my future. I went in to pick up a bottle of gin but they didn't have what I wanted. They have approximately 3000 different types and flavors of vodka but only two brands of gin. It's ridiculous.

 

I don't think you actually bought any Jäger. I think you just wanted to type a bunch of umlauts.

Though, I do hope you're not going to spend the weekend drinking alone, because I don't want to encourage any alcoholic behavior.

What I'm saying, is make sure when your girlfriend comes over, you get her to sign up for a TiB account.

 

Ms. katokoch is a big fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette and now there's the Bachelor in Paradise show on that is even better if you're into terrible people just fucking and fighting (not necessarily in that order). Either way from what I've seen, I submit half of that cast as being very punchable.

Here's a few more faces that will make you want to break that computer screen, for obvious reasons:

Spoiler: Assholes

 

Not exactly a punch, but still glorious. ARod vs. Jason Varitec:

 

Gawd. I still have wet dreams about that Odor punch. That was beautiful.

I hate myself for watching the Bachelorette nonsense, but I want to punch Jordan Rogers. What an asshat. Everything about him makes me want to punch.

I have Deep Eddy's peach vodka and wine. And some shitty beer. Mehhhhhh....

 

Umlauts are fun, but I really did buy a tiny bottle. When I was in college I kept a bottle in the freezer and every time we had a party I'd make people take shots with me. That's all well and good until you're making the 5th person take a shot with you and you realize that you may have gotten carried away. I miss those old parties. Jello shots and Jäger, what more does a girl need?

I have to take my daughter school supply shopping this weekend so that should be a blast. I'll probably have to drink when I get home from that. I'd just order her backpack online but she thinks we need to go to the store and since this is her first year of school I will humor her. This is preschool but to talk to her you'd think she's going away to college or something.

 

Joel Osteen.



If I ever run into that fucker, I'm going to jail. I'm gonna "healing hands" his face with my fist so hard they'll be passing around the tax free donation pate for his dental surgery.

 

Focus: there's one every season...



...I would probably stomp his mouth after he goes down, too. Because you KNOW he's going down on the first punch.

 

I got an email from Victoria's Secret advertising their new "Easy" bra. The email actually had it in quotes. I don't know who names their bras but I feel like that was a misstep.

 

You should see their new "rape" bra.

It gets all the guys.

 

Maybe it was named by the people writing copy of the Sprite Ads in Ireland.

 

Brutally refreshing, indeed.

 

My husband is at a concert with McLovin. Jealous.

 

I bet you wish you'd gone on his guy weekend now! What concert? I'm curious as to what kind of music McLovin listens to.