Not a specific decision, but in the aggregate of many bad ones. She was from a rich family and when she was out on her own, she just could not get her shit together. She missed multiple student loan payments, had to have her parents bail out her missed rent payments and other similarly irresponsible decisions. She spent any money she did have on going out, partying, rounds of drinks at bars, etc. It was never my money, but I wasn't about to settle down with someone who had zero concept of finances, no matter have good her trust fund was.
Not a dumping, but a friend of mine had a mountain of credit card debt. I was helping her figure out how to get out from under it, when she came to me and told me she had traded in her two year old SUV in order to buy a brand new version of the same model. I promptly quit as her financial advisor, but we remained friends.
My wife has a friend that divorced her husband after she found out he had cashed out his retirement account to buy silver bullion. During the pandemic he went deep into right wing conspiracy theories. This was the straw that broke the camels back.
A friend of mine found out his wife put $100k of debt onto their credit cards from gambling... in under 6 weeks. He was near retirement age, and a musician (which is a tough fucking gig to get any kind of retirement out of), and it fucked his life up. Dude was crushed... never seen him cry like that when he told me. It shattered his soul as he realized how fucked his life was from that point on. He ended up divorcing her and declaring bankruptcy... then he disappeared and I haven't heard from him in 15+ years.
NO, you're doing it all wrong. Take out a one million dollar life insurance policy out on the wife, then she dies tragically in an "accident." Now enjoy your retirement.
I've seen some posts online about spouses with gambling problems that in short order drag their entire family and future down. When I was younger and naive-r, I probably would have tried to work through it. Now, with the knowledge I have of life and gambling addiction? I'd do a divorce if only to protect finances and allow work on our relationship and future to happen outside of that. The more I learn about people's relationships, the more I feel like I totally lucked out with my spouse. I mean, we got married fairly young at 23 when I graduated college. I have trust in my relationship, I am treated equally and tenderly, I do not have to fear any abuse whether physical or financial. I would be constantly stressed and nervous to have deal with a manic or frivolous spender. A lot of it comes down to lack of self control and hierarchy of priorities. Are we on the same page or not. It's hard to say at what point it becomes a dealbreaker. I just feel lucky to not have to be concerned about that. I know a couple frivolous spenders. Even being around them when they are just buybuybuying while knowing what their financial state is stresses me the fuck out. Retail therapy is the worst phrase ever. Get real therapy, PLEASE.
I would never enter a relationship with someone whose top priority was having a new vehicle every couple years (and a new loan). I will die on that hill. Car loans are the best way to never have any extra money.
Friend of mine makes about 3x what his wife makes and has terrible spending control. To the extent that they keep their finances 100% separate. She gives him "rent" money, she covers the cable bill, he covers the internet etc. He usually buys dinner but about 1 out of 3 times, she buys. He just bought a new car. $781/month for 72 months. Insane.
I get wanting to enjoy your money when you make a lot of it. But like.... FIRE? And financial security and peace of mind feels so much better to me than living that lifestyle. It's all about your priorities. He and I would clearly be incompatible.
Dated a lady who divorced her husband for plunking thousands into right wing scams, similar to silver/gold, but also prepper stockpiling. Dude was convinced they'd live off of canned bullshit in their garage, to the point where it sounded less like right wing shit and more like he just got way too into the Walking Dead. My ex fiancé racked up $130k of student loan debt, culminating with a master's in...education. Can't imagine how that's going now. I think when some folks get confronted by the prospect of divorce, they just say "fuck it" because it will either be their spouse's problem, or half of it will go, so why not. So, I'd imagine the spending is what accelerates them towards a divorce, once it feels likely, but not the thing that started them down that path.
Nothing can ruin your life as fast as gambling. You can drink away your life, that takes years. Drugs take a while before they really get hold of your life. Gambling? A couple of hours at the tables can set your life back decades. Worst of all are the online casinos. I don’t know if they are legal in Canada, but there are loads of them in Europe. Nearly half of all commercials on tv/radio are for them. It is a money pit.
I enjoy sports gambling (usually ridiculous parlays). I spend approximately ten dollars a week betting on my phone. I am down $44 this year. I went to a wedding in West Virginia last year. I opened the sports gambling app on my phone and it told me I could go to a casino. In this casino I could play blackjack. For real money. On my phone. I can imagine how hard it would be to be a gambling addict with that kind of thing in your pocket.
thanks to the brain tumor, I have zero ability to do math, and I also have zero short term memory. I understand the concept of "more money is in the bank than the bills which are due, so you are fine," but like even basic addition and subtraction, does not compute. As I type this out, to give an example of the kinda crap that hangs me up still: 5 + 7.... what the actual fuck? I'm counting on my fingers for that shit, and then using a calculator to be certain. As a result, my wife handles everything financially for us. Pays all the bills, when the check comes for dinner she has to figure out the tip. I understand that I make more than her, and I get reminded annually what I do make, but I don't currently know what it is, or what is in our bank account. She'll tell me, and then because no short term memory, I'll immediately forget. My general understanding is that we are comfortable though, so that's great. I try not to spend a lot to make it difficult for her. She could easily be doing some insane financial shit and I would be none the wiser. Or even if she told me about it, I would forget. Takes a lot of trust that she hasn't absolutely fucked me over, but I'm a pretty good catch so I think I'm good.
I went to a casino for a bachelor party that included some guys I didn't know well, and one of those guys sat down at the video poker table. I passed by him a couple times and at one point he was smiling and cheering so I asked what was up and my friend told me he was up $10k. When we left the casino he was clearly in a horrible mood. Wouldn't talk to anyone, was kicking doors open, shouting curses randomly, etc. I asked my friend again and he said the guy left the casino down $50k. I don't know if it was a coincidence that he was divorced less than a year after that.
It is the bitterest of ironies that someone with the financial resources to get real, helpful therapy, will instead go shopping and buy a bunch of shit they objectively don't need. I don't advocate for asceticism, because that's just the other end of the pendulum, but a little self-discipline goes a long way into not blowing up your financials FOCUS: I only found out about this very recently, but my parents opted to sell their home and purchase a trailer home that they thought would be easier to maintain. But because their pride got in the way, along with a healthy dose of straight up stupidity, they didn't get a proper home inspection done and now they're saddled with a money pit that even Tom Hanks couldn't make entertaining. I went no-contact with them years ago for a number of reasons, and I'm having real difficulty feeling sympathy for them. Even if you inherited your home like they did, and by extension don't know how shit works anymore, there's no excuse for that kind of dumb-fuckery. It's the information age. Get with the fucking times.
Between just you and me, there are times when I wonder if I'd stay with my wife if ever the work lottery pool hit a winner. Nothing to do with cheating or upgrading to a newer model, I just have doubts as to her ability to handle "wealth". She strikes me as the sort to live lavish, if only she could. My philosophy is completely different, probably from growing up poor. We would not be compatible.