I had two boxes of plastic forks at home that I never used. I decided to bring them to work; that way I had a backup in case I forgot silverware when packing lunch. I put them in the kitchen for all to use if they needed to. One day later and someone has already stolen a box. The kitchen is only shared between 5 other people. Who in the fuck just takes a box of plastic forks? Focus: people you work with steeling shit in your office.
I used to be the thief. I lose penis more than anyone. I would take them from the stationary closet at my last job. I usually try to keep a blue one and a black one in my planner notebook that I take to meetings. I use to have an issue where I would chew the shit out of every pen I had. My actual office at work is pretty empty as I go to it rarely. And half the time I do, someone else is working in there for the day. So theres not much to steal from me I suppose. Bump.
Well, apparently, it's a steel penis, too, so you'd think those would be harder (!) to come by (!). Unless you're William Burroughs or Donald Fagen.
Looks like auto correct stole the show with this one. On point, though, I've had coworkers steal my chair more times than I can count and my mouse so many times that IT stopped giving me a new one. I bought a wireless one, and keep it in my bag now.
People steal my toys all the time. I keep little puzzles on my desk - Rubik's Cube, Rubik's 360, a bunch of wire, metal and wood puzzles. People think they're neat so I tend to come in to find a few of them missing. They usually get returned eventually, but I often start my day wondering where the fuck my cube went. Tangentially, one of my coworkers lived in my house for a few months awhile back. While there, I am 98% sure she stole my nipple clamps.
Who are the other 2% of suspects, the mother-in-law and the neighbor's dog? We used to have boxes of Parmalat in the break room for our coffee. For those who are unfamiliar with this modern wonder of packaging, it was 32 oz. of milk (whole, 2% or 1%) in foil-lined boxes like oversized juice boxes. The milk was pasteurized and the boxes vacuum sealed, so the milk would last for years, unopened, with no refrigeration. It tasted like fresh from the store milk and was crazy convenient. Until people started walking off with cases of it like our office was a goddamn food pantry. We now have shitty, non-dairy creamer in the break room.
I run a shift of 6 mechanics, nobody steals at work, tools are expensive as hell and mechanics usually always respect that. Thieves are usually found out quickly and either fired or quit after we make it hard on them.
One of the first jobs that I had out of college was working in a warehouse. I learned very quickly to keep my snacks on me instead of storing them in the break room, after I had a bag of chips stolen from me (and I saw the empty bag in the trash can) and a granola bar disappear. I also brown bagged it every day for lunch while I worked there, and I feel lucky that my sandwiches never got stolen. When I told my supervisor that I had had food stolen he said that people stealing food had always been a problem there. In fact, he told me that one worker reported to him that they had had about half of the salsa stolen out of a large jar of it that they kept in the refrigerator. Talk about a bold thief. And I have yet to work in an office environment where stealing supplies (chairs, mouse pads, staplers, etc.) wasn't rampant.
And he's being completely cocky about it. No matter where you work, people are thieves it seems. I have to lock up ALL my work materials at night because the minute I set down a pen, it's in the wind. The fuck. YOU CAN EASILY AFFORD THESE THINGS, KLEPTO. I know it's a Sharpie. I needed it too.
This is kind of tangential but another reason why I hate everyone and everything. We were working at a UAW right before Easter. We stored our equipment in the same room in which they stored the candy they used to put together Easter baskets for kids who wouldn't get an Easter basket otherwise. I couldn't count the number of times on my fingers and toes I was told to make sure I locked the room so people wouldn't steal the candy. Who the fuck steals candy from kids who wouldn't get anything without this effort? I hate people.
Luckily these days we don't have any kleptos. When I first started at the restaurant I work at, the bartender had really sticky fingers. Cigarettes and the most random shit would go missing. I just did not bring a purse inside and instead kept my keys, phone, and ID in one section of my apron. These days, I am able to keep a purse in my own little work area behind the bar and not in the cabinet that everyone has access to. With all the new people floating around, if I were still keeping my stuff in that cabinet, I would probably have to go on lock down and keep my stuff in my apron.