Dooooooooooooooonuts.

Personally, I thought this quote was the best:

From the linked article:

 

Again the stupidity of some of these professional athletes continue to boggle my mind. I wonder if I broke into a Burgerking and made myself a couple of Bacon cheeseburgers if I would only be issued a "trespass warning." I doubt it.

Those of you on the East Coast in PA and NJ are familiar with WaWa's. They are the most amazing and convenient stores you have ever encountered. They are like a 7-11 or Sheetz but on steroids. They sell gas, snacks, MTO's (made to order sandwiches) and are usually open 24 hours.

Anyway back in the hay day when I was a badass my friends and I went through quite a bit of Kodiak wintergreen chewing tobacco. ( mmmmmm......sweet, sweet dip) Anyway WaWa used to keep all the Chew in a large container right on the counter. All the different brands, from Skoal to Redman were in a huge dispenser by the register.

After knocking back a fifth of Jack Daniels (fine sippin whiskey) and about a quarter of swag (the finest get down brown weed) we didn't have "kind bud" in 1993 my buddy Chris ran out of dip. I also was low so we all acknowledged that we were in need, we all also noticed we were broke. So we came up with a quick plan of me asking the cashier to open the locked medicine chest while Chris swiped us three tins of chew.

While I was busy asking the cashier the difference of Aleeve and Tylenol (isn't aleeve for periods) I looked over and noticed Chris had picked up the entire unit. This thing was as big as a mini-fridge and had to weigh about sixty pounds. I continued to sputter nonsense at the cashier until I saw them drive away (WaWa was close enough for me to walk) to this day I still can't believe we pulled that off. That cashier HAD to have gotten fired.

 

Boy, I could write pages and pages about this . . .

Here's 2 quickies from drunken college days:

- My buddies and I would go into the all-night convenience store together. One of us would distract the clerk, while the others would eat the hot dogs right off the spinning rack things. (Bonus points when you got away with chili.)

- Late one night, a McDonald's delivery truck was unloading in their parking lot. We stole a case of frozen french fries, proceeded to stumble back with them to my apartment, and tried to bake them in my oven. For some reason, we thought they would taste better with month old wing sauce baked onto them. They did not.

 

I don't know what to say about that. I'm just laughing at how ridiculous and 90's sitcom-y that sounds. Nicely done.

FOCUS: I was with a group of friends in Calgary years ago. We'd just seen a couple of shows that night and were bombing around the city and bar-hopping while our car was parked at some parkade in the city center where you pay as you exit at the gate. So after a night of hard drinking we pile back into the car and fire up the pipe, and while our DD is still sober, he's now thoroughly baked.

Anyways, we're behind a pair of cars paying at the exit when I spot a pizza place that looks about a block down the street, so I start shouting about pizza and try to get everyone riled up. Well, it worked. It worked so well that the DD tried to go around the two cars that were ahead of us and squeeze through the tight spot between the gate and the wall...at top speed. He misjudged the gap by at least two feet, busted through the gate and tore it clean off the fucking thing, and flew out into the street while we could hear the guy worked at the parkade yelling at us for not paying. Amongst a chorus line of asking him what the fuck he was doing, we hear sirens in the background. Apparently we'd cut off a cop while smashing through the electric gate.

DD racked up some impressive fines, and lost his license for a year. The rest of us spent the night in the drunk tank. We didn't even get any fucking pizza!

 

My roomate spent $100 on cab fare because we HAD to get Taco Bell after the bars. The only Taco Bell open was the oppisite direction we were going...and the only one open after the bars. So there was a huge line in the drive thru and we had to wait for our food.

My roommate in I tried to take a Pedi-Cab through a J-Box drive thru after the bars, when they would not allow it, we jumped out and paid the people $5 in the car behind us so we could ride with them and order.

EDIT: On both occasions the "dining room" was closed and only the drive thru was open since it was like 2:30am

 

I would have to say heaving a 5gallon water jug at the vending machine in the dorm game room to break it open would have to be the topper.

I just wanted my Mike n Ikes.

 

Being from Seattle is kind of a mixed bag as far as sports go. I've been a fan of Notre Dame football for as long as I can remember, and I was really looking forward to watching Golden play this year. I'd be willing to bet that he somehow makes money from this in donut promos. "Golden's donuts"
What an embarassing thing to have to put up with at work. Just watch, everytime someone shows up with donuts at a jobsite, someone's gonna make a crack about maple bars. (Which happen to be delicious.). He's still young and if that's the worst he ever does, crime-wise, in his NFL career? He'll still be one of the few players without felony charges.

The dumbest thing that I ever did drunk was re-open a restaurant at 4AM. In my opinion, nothing tastes better on the planet than Oso Bucco. Maybe pancetta or proscuitto...

 

I can't tell you how many guys (mostly college age) I've met in AA who got a DWI/DUI in the drive-thru at a fast food joint in the wee hours.

One personal memory that stands out was a night in New Orleans, stopping at Krystal Burger on the way back to the hotel and, for some reason, thought 4 dozen burgers would hit the spot, and I was right. 2 dozen before passing out, and 2 dozen for breakfast.

 

I suppose this isn't exactly food related, but I did verbally harass a McD's drive through employee at 3 am on St. Patrick's Day because they ran out of Shamrock Shakes. It was one of those all-night drive-thrus, so I'm assuming she's used to it.

 

I suddenly feel the urge to check Priceline for tickets to Seattle.

SGEDIT: They didn't have bacon on them. Just an example as to why I'd understand it better if they had.

 

WOW!! They really have bacon on them?? I have never heard of this place nor of this snack, but I think I have a hard on!

SGEDIT: No. They didn't.

 

Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland OR makes em bomb.
<a class="postlink" href="http://voodoodoughnut.com/menu.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://voodoodoughnut.com/menu.php</a>

It would be understandable to break in there.

 

Nothing says failure like being Seattle sports. I'm going to hang myself now.

This wasn't me, but while sitting in a Taco Bell drive thru, I saw a drunk pantomime being on a motorcycle as he pulled up to the window. He did a vroom vroom and everything. He got his food.

 

Once while we were exhibiting at a trade show in Indianapolis I went out to a strip club with some reps and got absolutely polluted.

At the end of the night I thought I knew better than them and insisted on going left out of the club instead of right. It became clear but not that clear to me that I was lost so I focused on the only landmark I knew. The Omni Hotel sign. The quickest route is always a straight line so that's what I decided to do.

Across parking lots, over roads, through other hotels (including their kitchens) until I somehow managed to get myself within two blocks of the place (after climbing through some bushes on surrounding a pool area at another hotel). As I illegally crossed the street a cop lit up his lights and pulled over next to me.

He asked if I was lost, I said, "No, I'm going right THERE!", while pointing up at the Omni sign. Then he asked if I had cut through any properties, I said yes. He understood and allowed me to hold onto his side mirror as he slowly drove me to the front door.

Midwesterner folks as so nice.