A family member called me first this morning and asked to borrow money. This is not the first time this person has done so. Another family member did it 10 years back and never got a dime of it back. A wise person once told me, "You never loan family money, if you choose to and have it, you give it to them. That way if you ever get any back it's a surprise." I'm truly torn. And guilt is not fun either. FOCUS: What's your take on this situation friends OR family? Have you done it? Did it end well or terribly?
Depends on the friend or family member. Usually I only give it as a gift without expecting it back, things stay much happier that way. I have friends that I have lent money to that never paid me back and even got pissed when I asked about it, which is nice. Other friends I'll just give it to them in a heartbeat and they will find a way to pay me back or make it up to me, even if I forget about it. In that group of friends, we cover each other when we go out all the time because we all know no one is taking advantage of anyone and will repay the favor without bullshit. As for family, the ones that ask for it are white trash and I wont give them a penny. The ones that I would give to would never ask for it or need it. Same thing with how much money I make. The friends I wouldnt mind telling would never ask me. The ones that have and do ask multiple times I'll never tell. They usually fall into the same groups as above.
Great topic. My experience with this comes from my uncle who's a grade A piece of shit. He has a long track record of being an asshat with money and making really bad decisions. He always bought cars beyond his price range because he thought he deserved nicer things. Bought timeshares near Disney World that he didn't have the money for. He would got into tremendous debt and then file for bankruptcy when he couldn't pay for shit. You gotta look at the track record of their behavior. Do they always seem down on their luck? Do they never seem to have money for anything? HAVE THEY PREVIOUSLY BORROWED AND NOT PAID BACK? I say tell them to kick rocks.
If its my immediate family, I'd do it and not expect it back, any sort of extended family or someone (even in my immediate family) who asks often, I wouldn't help. Also depends on the amount. If we're talking like 100 for my brothers and sisters, yea, no problem. Anyone else? No way.
Jesus Im glad Ive never dealt with this shit with my family. Im antsy enough with money as it is, Ive never gotten a credit card, I don't think I could bring myself to ask someone for a loan. I also don't understand how people wrack up retarded credit card debt, boggles my mind. I was gobsmacked to learn one of my cousin's had asked my mom for a 10k loan for something or another. Somehow both her parents who had fantasic paying jobs throughout their lives squandered it and probably won't have anything to give to their kids or grandkids. My immediate family has been pretty good with money. Not cheap but very spendthrift even though they've done reasonably well.
The closest I've come to it was with my FIL. A while back he asked my husband if we could loan him a few grand. Turns out his wife wrecked the car while driving with a suspended license. Husband elected to not help out as his dad and stepmom go on multiple trips every year and have season football tickets. It's true...they spend money on stupid stuff they can't afford, but they don't have $3,000 to fix a car? It's a different story if someone is legitimately trying the best they can and need some help in a jam. I think I would help out (and not expect to be repaid) if that was the case. My husband has a great perspective about his dad and finances: he does the opposite of what he would do in a given situation.
Money is just so damn touchy in general and it causes more fights and lines in the sand than anything else. I can't stand discussing it because like politics it causes instant stress and disagreement. I have a very small family, no borrowers, misers or any of that like that we still associate with. I'm thankful for not having to deal with that. Outside family, ny wife and and I used to have "friends" that would "borrow" money from us. (If we set the money on fire we could have at least WATCHED it vanish into nothing.) These people nowadays still have "full sets of teeth" because they are not at all "substance-addicted immature assholes".
The people who I actually would loan money to never ask, they end up figuring shit out on their own before it comes to that. And the people who I'd never lend money to always ask, because they can never figure shit out. If you have any hesitation about doing so, SG, don't do it. I know the general rule of thumb is to never lend more money than you can afford to lose, and with family, just never expect to see again the money you lend. But my rule is, unless you are 100% about doing it, from the start, without having to convince yourself, then don't do it. Because you don't wanna lend it, not get it back, and think damn I should have listened to myself. Now THAT is guilt.
My Boss sensed something was up and asked me. I told him. He said "Whether you have the money or not is not the issue. You're going to feel guilt if you do OR don't. I can give you the money if you choose to do it." Meaning I could pay it back whenever I wanted to. We do have the money, that's not the issue. I'd never do that but it was still nice of him to offer. It should be noted the person asking is my Father, whom I've had virtually no real relationship with my entire life except a monthly phone call and that's only been within the last 15 years or so. But, he is still my Father. I'm going to talk to the SO about it tonight.
I used to have people mooch off me when I was younger (back when I was drinking) than I am now. Just a couple of dollars' worth at a time but enough over a long enough time. I was rarely ever paid back. I am now much tighter with the (little) money I have - no-one gets a cent unless they pry it from my cold, dead fingers. I am also no longer in contact with any of those people. My advice to SG: Similar to what others have said but I'll add this - If you are leaning towards giving him the money, don't do it if you will be denying yourself something in the process, because you will end up regretting that decision.
Just want to say I appreciate everyone taking the time to lend their advice. Thanks guys. I've decided I'm going to do it and let him know it's a one shot deal only and I don't expect the money back. That'd be setting myself up for a big let down and whole other bag of shit if I did. No thanks.
Shegirl, you're loaning money to your DAD? Doesn't money loaning between parents and children usually go the other way around? Can't he figure it out on his own? Jesus, if I ever have to hit up Li'l Bandit for a loan, somebody shoot me. Story about loans to family members: A little over ten years ago, my (then) brother-in-law asked to borrow $500 from me, which I did. I ended up getting short-changed by $80 because I chose to not count it out in front of him. He gave it to me in an envelope, and I left, taking him at his word. He swore up and down that it was all in the envelope, and that this, that, and the other thing. Due to a lot of other circumstances (mostly that there were a lot of people in that house who could have potentially gotten ahold of it), I can't DEFINITIVELY say that he did it, but it does seem damn weird that some other party would steal $80 out of a $500 stash, and not the whole thing. Needless to say, I never loaned him any money again. These days I'm too broke to loan money to anyone.
I've lost everything. House, truck, everything but my clothes, some collectables and keepsakes. It really hurt my credit. I didn't ask my parents or anyone else to bail me out. The reasons I lost all were a combination of getting fired from my job and a $1,000 a month drug habit. I didn't ask a single person to bail me out or get me caught up. I owned my problems and fixed them myself. I actually got a little lucky, the foreclosure never showed up on my credit report, I think, because it happened right when the lender was part of a lawsuit for their lending practices. I've been sober for many years, fixed my credit and will never put myself in that position again. My father in-law "borrowed" at least 15,000 from my wife and I over the course of a couple years. He was unemployed for about three years and would call my wife and borrow money to pay his bills. I got upset after a few times, she started doing it behind my back, it nearly ended our marriage when I found out. Never saw a penny of it again.
The last time I lent and noticeable amount of money to someone was over a decade ago. One of my oldest friends told me he needed a few hundred bucks. He didn't explain what he needed it for, and I didn't press him for details. I lent him the money. I think I asked him about it once a few months later, not in an aggressive way but just asking. He didn't have it for me, and I dropped it. About 6 months after that he showed up at my apartment with a check from his mother, made out to him, for the exact amount I lent him, and he signed it over to me. I still have no idea what happened there. I was at his house around Christmas last year, and over some scotch, I asked him about it for laughs. He had no idea what he needed the money for, and only vaguely remembered getting the check from his mom. All he remembered was feeling guilty for months that he hadn't repaid me. My mom and sister are both always kind of on the financial edge. My sister works hard, she just doesn't get paid too much. My mom has a home business that has ups and downs. I don't lend either of them money, I just buy things when they need them - it helps reduce the issues around lending money. When my mom needs a new computer, I get her one. When she asked me for some advice on choosing something, I had one shipped to her. It seems to reduce the "obligation" part when you aren't handing someone a specific dollar amount. I'm a far cry from rolling in dough, but I've got a good job and am lucky to be in the financial position I'm in, so I try to help out. There are people in my life that I'd unhesitatingly give money to, but I've got a very clear idea of who those people are. It's very likely that, if you have to think hard about whether it's a good idea, it's probably not a good idea. That doesn't mean don't do it, it just means to be prepared to both lose the money and be unsatisfied about the outcome.
Never do business with a wannabe communist. Especially if he's related to you. Even he swears he'll pay you back after you settle his cellphone bill. And for God's sake don't let him borrow DVDs or sell him your xbox "on credit".
This is somewhat relevant: Lottery millionaire's son spent $2.8M – then sued his father for more cash I've had one good experience loaning money. When my aunt's son died I loaned her around $2500 to bury him. I figured I'd never see it again and was fine with that....a month later I had all my money back. It was a pleasant surprise. Other then that, my family treated me like an ATM until I'd had enough and said no more.
I don't loan people money. I'm not a bank. Like most of you, I'll give people money without expecting it back. I'm lucky in that I've never had family ask me for money, thankfully. I'm an only child and my parents are both pretty prideful (especially my Mom) and I doubt they'd ask me even if they really needed it.