If I can't have you....fuck that you're MINE. I think jealousy is quite possibly the weakest and most insecure emotional trait at a human being's disposal. I'm talking strictly about relationship jealousy here. I get a vivid dose of it practically every day at work. Next to my plant is a small call centre that's attached to the city immigration offices. In this call centre works this attractive girl I see who works at the call centre. Of course, I have never seen here alone because her boyfriend is ALWAYS around her, and not in a normal way. I'll explain: He walks her in the morning RIGHT up to the security door where she enters. After she does, he usually put his hands to his face and leers in through the door window afterwards. If I'm eating lunch outside on our picnic table, like clockwork he his there at the crack of noon at the security door. If she holds him up, he pounds on the door (this is where she works don't forget). Their property has picnic tables too, but he makes her eat alone with him while all her other co-workers sit together to eat and chit-chat. Since they share the same hours, usually I'm coming out and THERE HE IS AGAIN, grabbing her by the arm as soon as she leaves, if he catches her talking to a male co-worker he'll actually pull her away from them. He also shows on coffee breaks often, leading to the conclusion that this clown is an Xbox-playing deadbeat who has it completely his way. Sometimes I'll drive by them and see him pointing right in her face, giving her what for. I've never actually heard him speak a word but I don't need evidence: he's a completely insecure jealous prick and the two co-workers I get along with agree wholeheartedly. After three years of seeing this over and over, the evidence has piled up. I am so glad I haven't had to deal with this sort of shit since the 90's. I have a mutual trust relationship for over a decade where you can talk to members of the opposite sex and not have to worry about your other half screaming in your face like a pissed-off drill instructor with rabies. Focus: Relationship jealousy. Experiences, thoughts, stories. Are you the jealous type or do you find it to be a huge insecurity?
Having been in a situation that was to the extreme in regards to jealousy, I have always had a hard time understanding this type of behavior. You're the one that is with that person. You're the one that see's her naked. You're the one that gets to fuck her and so on and so on. Unless it's because of someone that is completely out of line (ie: sitting at a bar and the dude next to me had his nose burried in my hair), there is no need. Eventually you will lose what you are already squeezing to death. And a bump.
This sounds a lot more like abuse than jealousy. Jealousy is a sorority girl employing her sisters to keep tabs on you when she's not around or getting upset when an old flame is in the same county. Crown's example is on a whole 'nother level.
Jealousy in Crowns case is to the extreme though. Wouldn't you agree? You'd never do what that douche bag does to his GF. I think it is a form of abuse either way. Its isolation and manipulation.
Crown's story isn't jealousy, it's absolutely abuse, and should be reported. Not to us, to the police. And her workplace, under Bill 168. That's the kind of guy who will see her talking to a coworker about the weather, lose his shit and come back to get her with a gun in his pocket.
My bad. I thought you were referencing my post. In regards to what Angel said, I'm surprised no one has reported it. I guess when she doesn't show up for work one day they'll know who to question though. Sad.
Im glad my current girlfriend doesnt pull the bullshit my last one did. I had a spring break cruise scheduled my last year in college. Two weeks before, I started dating this girl in one of the sororities that was coming on the cruise with us, but she couldnt come because her cousin was dying of meningitis or some riff raff. Anyway, prior to the cruise she begged and begged me not to go. I told her I was going anyway because I had already paid for it. So I went. I went online once while I was away during the week and saw that I had 51 new emails. 51, all from her. Asking how my trip was, what the weather was like, etc. Eventually the emails became more and more neurotic and frantic about what I was doing and who I was with and why didnt I respond. On top of it, one of her friends in her sorority came up to me and told me that all her friends were asked by her to keep tabs on me, but they told me they didnt care enough to bother. So I went back to the computer and broke up with her via email and had tons of strange with many a woman. Just kidding, I hung in there like a chump, didnt fuck around, and she cheated on me 6 months later. Soy estupido.
Jesus Crown, that was hard to read. Probably the worst jealousy I've ever had to deal with was my ex wife. I had the fortune during tech school to be stationed about an hour away from my parents. So as soon as we got weekend passes, I was gone to Lawton hanging out with my parents, eating homemade food, and in general relaxing. This pissed my wife off to no end because it interupted my being on the phone with her for hours at a time. In her mind it was better that we spent all day on the phone and then I spent my night hanging out around a bunch of fresh out of basic horney women than spend time with my family. If I had a meeting or something she would literally want me to take a video of my surroundings an send it to her. That woman was crazy.
How? How can a human being be that fucking insecure? A) nobody OWNS anybody B) if you can't trust the person you're dedicated to, then you're mentally ill. If they are genuinely untrustworthy then why are you with them, stupid? It's easier to solve than a five-minute Columbo episode, yet people prefer to let anxiety eat away at them like a cancer. I just don't get it.
Yea I hear ya. This is when I was 21 and I didnt see the signs of what was probably happening or at least going to happen. Now at 27 I would have seen this coming from a mile away: Isnt that usually the case? People that are wildly insecure or overprotective are the ones fucking around? And Im repping you just because of the Columbo reference.
One random night the summer after I graduated high school I went to a late-night diner around midnight with a buddy and accidentally left my phone in the car (seriously, didn't even mean to). Came out an hour or so later and had 48 missed calls.....one from another friend, 47 from my then-girlfriend. She was smoking hot and a nymphomaniac (and I had lost my virginity to her a few months earlier), so being 18 obviously I let this slide and dated her for almost another year and a half. In her defense she was 16 at the time and seems to have settled down now.....three marriages and two kids (by the two most recent husbands) later. Funny timing on this thread--I got off the phone a couple hours ago with a female friend of mine. We've known each other for about 4 years, dated for maybe 3 months out of that time, do still have some serious unresolved feelings for each other but at the moment we are just very close friends. Anyway, she had recently been casually seeing some guy and broke things off with him within days because he was crazy and a complete loser. Apparently this guy got the idea that I was the reason for his failures (despite having been in Afghanistan for the past 7 months and counting) so he decided to write me an angry message on Facebook. Only he doesn't know my last name so instead of sending me a message directly he just posted it on her wall for the world to read. I'm not sure if he was too stupid to look through her friends list to find me (I'm one of about 5-6 people in her friends list with my first name, and it's very obvious which one I am) or just wanted to embarass her publicly. Unfortunately she saw it, deleted it, and unfriended the guy before I had a chance to enjoy what I'm sure was a gold mine of unintentional comedy, which I jokingly gave her a hard time about.
My first husband was incredibly insecure. He wanted a pretty girlfriend/wife but didn't want anyone else to acknowledge it, and if someone DID acknowledge it, I obviously did something to invite the attention. He never let me go anywhere by myself, and once we started dating, no 'going out' anymore...imagine the South Park episode with the Jonas Brothers and the promise rings. That was us. I lost most of my friends, etc. I was young and stupid, had I recognized it, I wouldn't have married him. I think people (females particularly) get caught up in jealousy and overprotectiveness seeming like a form of love, when it's not. I know I did. Never again.
Oh man, good timing. I just had some of this crop up with an ex whom i'm still friends with. I dated this guy for a few months and just knew it wasn't going to work out, sex was great though. So I broke it off and told him to start seeing other people and that we could be FWB's. He meet this girl who seemed pretty cool and I was really happy for him, but apparently it was eating him alive inside that he had been banging both of us before they decided to be official or discuss what they wanted with each other. So he tells her this, after they had been dating for almost a year. She's super pissed off and starts sending me shitty facebook messages. Some how its MY fault that they didn't fucking communicate their needs to one another before the pants came off. So I get shitty " You are no longer friends with my boyfriend!" message which of course she blocks me after so I cant even defend myself, and only unblocks me to send me more shitty messages. He of course is spineless and pussy whipped and had to stop talking to me.
I guess I don't have anything original to add on the point. Like most other people here, I trust the people I'm with. I can't imagine being in a relationship (long distance or not) where you didn't trust someone. Why bother at that point? Not worth it. The current girlfriend is long-distance and gets hit on / asked her number at work. I find it funny, but also kind of bullshit because doctors aren't going to give you their phone number when they're stitching up your lacerations. But also, it's funny, and it doesn't even cross my mind that she'd take anyone up on the offer.
Because it isn't about having a meaningful relationship. It's about control, and being in control. It not about whether the girlfriend is trustworthy or not, it's about the raging insecurity inside the boyfriend, and his desperate need to control her so she doesn't see how insecure he truly is. It's not about how pretty the other girls who talk to a girl's boyfriend are - it's how UNpretty the girlfriend feels in the first place. Security, healthy relationships, honesty - those concepts are beyond anyone whose insecurity and self loathing is that remarkable.
Both. I find myself naturally jealous in relationships, and I don't know the root cause of it. I also don't like that I'm a jealous person, and I have to work to suppress it. I have, as far as I know, only been cheated on by one girl in my 32 years (and you all saw pictures of her last year, when I was raving about dating out of my league). In fact, I tend to date out of my league pretty consistently. Or maybe I underestimate what my league is. In any case, I don't think I'm truly deserving of love, so I get anxious about when it will get snatched away, hence, insecurity. So I try not to be jealous, because if the jealousy was justified, then it wouldn't be the right relationship anyway.