Im going down, Im yelling Tinder!

I've been on a few online dates. For the most part they were harmless. A dated a few of the girls for a little bit, but it wasn't anything different than dating a girl who I didn't meet online. I didn't meet any girls I thought were stalkers or obviously weird. For the most part, the girls I've met online, were girls who prefer not to meet a guy at a bar or at work.

I think women take time to read the profiles and see what personalities they are encountering. I just kinda see who I'm attracted to and go from there, not too different from non online dating really.

My good friend, who is exceptionally personable and borderline charismatic met his wife on Eharmony. She's awesome, he's cool, it worked out well. I was at their wedding last fall in St. Louis.

 

This summer during a family vacation I played on my brother's Tinder account. Being that it wasn't me who was doing the dating, it was awesome. He's too cheap to spring for the pay sites and has been having a lot of fun with Tinder. I am sure he has met some crazies, but he's an optimistic sort so focuses on the nice girls he has met. Or maybe he's trolling for ass and knows that I'll tell him every STD story I have from work if he shares ALL his experiences.

I've been married for awhile so missed the online dating thing, but have two good friends who have met their husbands on eharmony. If I was to become single, I think I'd definitely go the online dating route. I'd probably be horrible at it and lay all my cards on the table in my profile which would save me a lot of awkward first dates lead to alot more nights at home watching reality TV.

 

It's weird. I met the current g/f on OkCupid. I like her a lot and have high hopes for this relationship.

That being said.......Online dating? It's pretty fucking miserable (as I suppose all dating is). And I usually wind up either warning people off or bombard them with caveats about it.

I've been doing it on and off for about four years. I first started with eHarmony. It was terrible at the time and as I had more experience with other websites I really, truly realized what a shitacular waste of money it is. You pay money to, essentially, have fewer options. Oh, it's great at the beginning. You're getting bombarded with match after match after match. Unbeknownst to you, they are predominantly old/fake profiles. And the current ones you get are from people doing the "Free Weekend" thing who you can't really message. Granted, I met and dated a couple of pretty great gals from it. So, the women I actually managed to meet were great. Overall, pretty sucky though. It sounds like it has improved dramatically since then. So, maybe it would be worth a shot should singlehood rear around again.

I really got back on the horse earlier this year. I tried out Plenty of Fish for a few months and then wound up on OkCupid, with a strange minor detour on Match. Soul crushing is pretty much the best way of putting it.

Now, I could say that I could average about a date a week. Which I suppose isn't too shabby for a short, awkward nerdy dude. But it's basically a part time job to get that one date. I would send out a salvo of, maybe, thirty messages. And not just "Hey how's it going?" "Hey nice tits" or whatever. I would read through their profile, look through pics, look at questions and then try to send out a nice message based on that - Again, I'd do this about 30, maybe 40 times a pop. Of those 30-40 I'd hear back from 3.......maybe 4 on a good week. Then, actually maintaining a conversation well enough to go out on an actual date.......only to be blown off because she didn't get automatic stomach butterflies.

It just wears you down and you start getting mean and resentful. I try to warn people that start online dating. Only a *very* small pool of the women on dating sites are looking to actual seriously date someone. For the rest, it's a nice ego boost and/or easy way to get free nights on the town.

So........yeah. The important thing is to probably hone in on what you really want (sex, short term dating, long term dating etc.) and try to do your damndest to find someone on the same wavelength. Not impossible, but definitely not easy.

 

I loved it, made meeting women the easiest thing in the world, I am a sober introvert so while doing the bar scene in my early 20's was fun, it got old after awhile. I met my wife online, so whenever somebody asks about online dating I recommend it, I think whatever stigma was associated with it 9 or 10 years ago has largely gone away.

 

Its funny, I'm pretty categorically opposed to online dating for a variety of reasons listed here, as well as knowing zero attractive and normal females in my personal life who ever went the online dating route. In a major city, short of just moving there and knowing NOBODY, I just don't see alot of hot girls doing it, due to a myriad of suitors already.

That being said, I jumped on Tinder in early 2013 and it lead to the best run of my life as a single man. It was new, different, and completely casual/carefree, as a result, tons of really attractive girls that would never go online dating normally were on it. I remember people being unconvinced and then sitting with me as I right swiped (aka said "yes, you're attractive) to 10-12 girls in a row. It was still a numbers game, but it was so easy and passive, that you could be talking to 5-6 girls are once and have something turn out. It wasn't all just superficial, I talked to most girls for a week or two before ever going on a date, mostly to build some sort of comfort and get over the "awkwardness". To date, I've probably hooked up with 8-10 girls, 2-3 of them I talked to for months, one went to a wedding with me, the other I would probably be in a serious relationship with if she hadn't moved out West to lead wilderness youth trips.

Unfortunately, Tinder, in my opinion, has changed. At least in bigger cities where adoption happened awhile ago, its no longer new, its gotten much more like a Match or OkCupid with long profile blurbs and girls putting in height requirements and NO HOOKUPS PLEASE in bold letters. I still hop on and play around, but havent had anything go anywhere in 6 months. There is a new app called Hinge that is similar, but uses your Facebook network limit the search range and you get a limited amount of potentials a day. Ive had some success there and met really cool girls.

I had two forays into "traditional" online dating, both winter time, both drunk. Boring times on OKCupid, stuff went nowhere, blah blah.

Then, My old roommate was on Match (and is now married to a girl he met. But she sucks and forced him to move to her horrid hometown, so thats not a good barometer) and I had a free profile to look at who he was going out with. One night in Feb, cold, horny, and drunk, I stupidly put in my credit card info, got 3 months, and thus began sending messages.

I met one girl who I "dated" for about a month, but she was wildly insecure, wore so much makeup that it left marks on my shirt and pillow (EVEN TO THE BEACH), and had insufferable friends.

The other girl I met was VERY cute, really funny, and had me hooked. Went on a first date that went really well until the last 30 min when a weird switch flipped and she went somewhere else mentally. Goodbye was awkward, no matter. We talk the next weekend, meet up with her friends at a bar after she says "I think you'll really like my friends". Thank god I brought a buddy cause she introduced me to 3 guys and a short, dumpy and frumpy girl who was HAMMERED. She then walked away, did shots with other guys and only returned to talk to everyone in the group but me. After 15 min, I said fuck it, walked over got her away from the bros and said we were leaving. She spent the next 5 min asking if I liked her friend, thought we'd be a great match, have the same sense of humor, thought she'd be my type. She was 5'5, a yoga fanatic and very cute, her friend was 5', built like a fridge, and wasn't sober enough to carry a convo, much less be funny. I was both confused and offended, so I left, deleted her number, and cancelled my Match account with 5 weeks remaining.

RIP Tinder Glory Days

 

I use TiB for my internet dating. Rep is my foreplay, so click that button and get me wet sailors.

 

I didn't think there was a stigma for online dating anymore. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone give someone the side-eye for talking about someone they've met online. Pretty much everyone I know does. The last wedding I went to was for lesbians who met on fucking Tumblr.

Despite there being millions of people, meeting people and dating is hard in New York, especially when everything I do is solely attended by women and gay men, so I've always had an OKCupid. The paid sites like Match seem to be for people who are making dating their top priority and are looking for the person they're going to marry, which just isn't where I'm at right now. And Tindr is full of garbage people. Even just for hooking up, I need something more than knowing what you look like to be into the idea, and I just can't look at any more financebros who only list their height, salary, and a few emojis. I know one person who's been having luck with it, and everyone else I know has said nothing but horrible things about the times they've met up with someone. They couldn't even go through with having meaningless sex because they couldn't stand being around that person for any longer than they absolutely had to. So I've passed on that trend.

OKCupid mostly results in a ton of virtual catcalling, but there are enough decent to genuinely enticing people on there that I'll still roam through it from time to time. I've been on a ton of first dates through it over the years, but the longest I've ever dated someone from there is a couple of months. None of the experiences have been really bad, or anything. Just no spark in one or both directions. I think less and less people actually care about it as a means of dating anymore, though. It's so passive and takes such little commitment that it's rare anyone seems to put in the effort. Myself included - there are plenty of times when I've found a guy that seems perfectly interesting and then when it comes time to actually message him I for whatever reason just can't seem to be bothered. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who use it like a game for an ego boost. There was an article a few months ago about the most popular straight man/woman and gay man/woman in the city on the site, and there was a lot of talk about strategy to basically, like, win OkCupid. It's really turned me off the site ever since.

I also thought it would be a good way to meet girls, since it's really hard to do that in the real world when you don't look like a superdyke. But lesbians aren't particularly open to bi girls, especially on dating sites, and most bi girls seemed to be primarily interested in meeting men. Then I kept switching back and forth between being a lesbian and being straight, but a) I was feeling bad about lying and never followed through with meeting anyone b) I was switching so quickly apparently that I somehow got stuck in limbo where they were just excluding me from search results altogether. Whoops. So no luck there, either.

All this is to say that I'm patiently awaiting the time when it would be okay to transition into my Grey Gardens phase.

Edit: Here's that article. It's pretty interesting, I think. And I know the most popular gay guy! I was proud.

 

I've had profiles on some of the sites dating back 10 years maybe. I've met a couple people but I really suck at the online dating thing. I either don't know enough about them to make conversation flow or I get matched with people who, like me, lose interest quickly or get wrapped up in being busy with other things. My sister married a guy she met on match and he's a decent guy. He treats her well and she's really happy so I know it can work out I just don't think its for me.

I've always done better meeting women at group gatherings where we at least have friends in common. Current girl is one I was introduced to years ago by friends, things didn't work out then but we've reconnected and so far things are good.

I know that some people have success and while I don't have any horror stories, I personally haven't seen any reason to continue the online dating thing. If I was properly motivated maybe I would learn how to do it right. Until then I'm out.

 

I've had an account of some kind for years. I kinda go in cycles, signing in regularly for a week or two, then forgetting about it for a month or more. I've met cool girls, had some fun hook ups, but it's turned into entertainment/time wasting more than anything else. To some degree I'm disappointed I haven't had more 'crazy chick' stories.

Being writerly, I try making my profile more interesting than "I like stuff and things," and when I'm looking for more than a hook up, I seek out profiles written by girls who made some effort to be original. Don't find them as often as I'd like, but I assume guy profiles are at least as bad, so I can't blame them much. Speaking of, there is (or was) a male TiB member who straight up copied my profile, even repping me a 'Thanks!' when I updated parts of it. Can't remember who, or if he's still on here, but if you come across an OkCupid profile that lists 'Schindler's List' as his favourite comedy and the Quran as his favourite book, and it's not mine, you're dealing with an imposter.

An annoying trend I've noticed recently is girls who just want the attention. They'll message back and forth, even with creeps and idiots, all to post conversation screen shots on their Twitter so their friends can comment. The worst I had was a girl early this summer. We were texting for over a month (even nekkid pics), and yeah, we were both busy with work and stuff, but after she cancelled last minute for the third time I straight up asked if she actually wanted to meet, since I don't want to pester/be a creep, and she emphatically said yes. A week later she not only cancels again but tells me about a guy she did meet up with that week, how she didn't want to see him again, and sends me screen shots of their conversation in which he didn't take it well. Fuck that shit.

Sucks too, cuz she was smoking hot and had a cute puppy.

 

Well the thing you guys are all doing wrong about this dating thing is that you're not getting professional headshots taken. Luckily for you there is a guy in NYC who is on it.

http://tinderheadshots.com/

Also, there is a girl I went to college with who is featured in this story, that talks about the professional headshots that are now being called "necessary."

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29658373

 

My first thought was "Woah, crazy" at the idea of professional Tinder headshots, but then again they're in NYC and that must be a massive market (the largest?). I wonder how long that'll last.

A few months ago, a buddy of mine was on Tinder before it really took off here. I thought it looked like fun but since I'm nowhere near good looking enough to fly on something so superficial, part of me felt glad to not be single (or at least looking for hookups online).

My sister met her now husband on eHarmony. I know she went on a date or two that didn't pan out, but clearly one did and he turned out to be a great guy. Fun fact, it was my other sister (her twin) who convinced her to set up the profile and then she filled it all out for her. Twins know each other best.

 

I couldn't imagine being the guy I am now being single in NYC and on the dating market. It actually gives me anxiety thinking about the level of superficiality one must possess and the bank account you would need to stand out from the crowd of every single other guy being the same as you.

I went to a wedding there last year and I felt I was dressed really nice for it, but what I realized almost immediately, was that I was dressed nice for Houston, Texas. Even just the the basic festivities surrounding the wedding, (lunches, brunches, dinners and general hanging out) was like a fashion show. And I felt supremely outclassed. Here, my going out shoes are a pair of boots under pants or nice jeans. Stupidly, I brought my boots and I looked and felt like a complete fucking shit kicker.

The dating scene has to be an unmitigated fucking nightmare.

 

This where you go the other direction. You're never going to compete with new York fashion, so go for a pair of Wranglers, a frisbee sized belt buckle, cowboy hat, and boots. If you're going to stand out anyway, stand way the fuck out. Maybe there's a chick there with a cowboy fetish.

 

And set your ringtone to Big and Rich, and then call yourself repeatedly:

 

Out there, I'm more likely to find a cowboy with a cowboy fetish.

 

I'm sure some of the actual NYC residents can comment, but unless you're talking about going to clubs down in Midtown or near the Financial District or whatnot, or exclusively trying to date models, its not gonna be much different than alot of other cities. Is it absolutely different than Houston? For sure, but thats the same as going to bar in a warm weather climate or somewhere in the South vs Chicago or Philadelphia or something. Its just a bit different culturally. NYC is a HUGE city, and while there is an outsized ego about it and the wealth therein, there are plenty of normal people doing normal stuff. When I go to visit friends, I don't feel out of my element or anything. Ive had friends visit Chicago from Milwaukee or Cleveland and think it was "fancy" or too flashy, when by and large, Chicago is a super laid back drinking city.

Dating in NYC would be hard cause its an overwhelmingly large city and sometimes you get lost it feels like (it happens to me in Chicago sometimes too), but not because I'm too poor to impress people.

 

I've done the online dating thing on and off for the past four years, and I have had exactly one date. The girl I went out with didn't want to see me a second time. I wouldn't say that that date went exceptionally well, but we had a nice time together and I would have liked to have gotten to know her better. Oh well.

Online dating has been very frustrating for me. It's disheartening when I message a girl who is a >80% match and we have a lot in common, but she doesn't reply. I think that online sites could be a great way to meet people, but I've found that most of the women on there aren't going to give a guy the time of day unless he REALLY stands out. I rarely get replies, and most of the ones that I do get are just basic answers to the questions that I ask from girls who aren't really interested. There are so many more men than women on those sites, and the odds are even worse when you consider that less than half of the women on there are datable. I would prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way, but since that doesn't seem likely to happen it's hard not to turn to online dating.

As far as the individual websites go, I like OkCupid and Match. I never had any luck on eHarmony or Plentyoffish, and I don't care for the formats of those two sites anyway. I have never tried Tinder.

I am not active with online dating right now. I have very little free time since I am taking 3 graduate classes and working full time, so I figured that this would be a good time to take a break from it.