Indifferent Cats in Amateur Porn (NSFW)

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This is my new favorite website.

Focus: Funny stories of pets and sex

 

Lately, my fat cat has gotten needy. Sometimes when I jerk off he walks in and starts purring heavily so his whole body heaves. It's really fucking weird to peer over and your cat is making bedroom eyes at you. So I started closing the door. Then he started rapping on it, crying to be let in. Which is very distracting. He sits down... watches... waits. Waiting for something. What exactly I don't know. He does the same thing when I'm on the can. He's neutered. This isn't supposed to interest him, let alone another male interest him. I think the cat is gay.

Cats. Try moving one off your bed. You push him and his ass just kind of mushes into the back of his neck then he goes right back to lying in the middle of the bed/couch/whatever. He's there, it's his. He ain't f'n moving until you fall onto the mattress and catapult him off. I've been lucky that they either fuck off or aren't interested during the deed. I woke up to my ex's fat piece of shit sleeping on my neck. He was on me exactly like a scarf. Because, I was in his spot. He got pissed when I tossed him off.

 

One of my current FWB's has a dog who is super attached to her and always hangs around, except when we're about to do the deed. Good dog. It's like he knows when shenanigans are about to occur, and goes and hides until it's over. So he only hides for about 5 minutes. Har! Ba dum DISH.

I remember one time I was hooking up with a lady friend and, when finished, I went to roll off of her. However, I completely miscalculated where I was in relation to the edge of the bed (I was a bit tipsy) and rolled right off, proceeding to bash my head on the night stand. Now she had a huge rottie who was really great, an awesome dog. However, as I'm on the floor trying to get my bearings, he apparently thought that me being on all fours meant I wanted to play. So here I am, naked, hurt and disoriented, trying to fend off 100+ lbs of friendly rottweiler while I'm trying to figure out whether I have a concussion.

 

When my cat was a kitten he was scratch-happy. Every time my boyfriend slept over the cat used his legs as scratching posts. While we were having sex. Shutting the door wasn't an option because he could (and still can) easily open doors. Looking back, it's a little humorous to think of this poor guy completely in the moment except for a "DAMNIT!" or "OW!" every other minute. He reacted by kicking; the cat started scratching even more because he thought it was play time. Boyfriend had scars all over his legs because of this cat.

 

I have a few.

Two person sex: I was at my ex-boyfriend's house when we were both visiting home. We had the house to ourselves so we didn't bother closing his bedroom door. Halfway through, his dog -this scruffy little schnauzer - comes trotting in and pauses mid-trot to stare at us with a cocked head and a WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? expression. His immediate conclusion is that my boyfriend/his owner is hurting me and so he runs over, leaps onto the bed, and saves me by attacking my boyfriend. I thought it was hilarious, and very charming of the dog. I love that animals love me.

One person sex: One night I was going to town on myself. The lights were off and I don't have a window in my room so it was pitch black except for the glow of my sinful computer screen. At one point, my eyes were closed, and this is when my cat - who, unbeknownst to me, had been sleeping under my bed the whole night - decides to emerge and jump onto the bed and then onto my chest. It scares the everloving shit out of me, so of course I scream. The best part was as I was opening my eyes to scream, before I scared him away I got a look at his face, and he's one of those cats that always looks like they're frowning so it looked like he was really disappointed in me.

 

Went home with a girl in college who had a very protective cat.

Cat would barge into the room, interrupt fun time, get taken out of the room, and come back in. It could only come back in because the door wasn't getting shut all the way, so the one time I removed the cat, I closed the door all the way.

Girl didn't tell me that the lock was broken. Spent all morning looking for something to function as a screw driver, taking apart the door handle, and trying to get the locking mechanism to unlock.

 

The ex-girlfriend's dog jumped up on the bed and decided to take a nap between my legs during sex. His stubby little tail started wagging right on my ballsack. I started laughing because it tickled. She misunderstood. Long story short, for about a month she told all her friends that her dog was licking my balls.

 

I love cats dearly, but I never try to masturbate with one in the room... Um, I mean, I never bang any of my many hot FWBs with a cat in the room. Without fail, they'll want attention during my jer... when I'm balls-deep in a model. Uh, yeah.

 

This wasn't so much a bad tale, but one time I was with another lady friend when her cat decided to jump on on the headboard and lay down, looking at me as if in challenge. Of course, I wasn't going to take this lying down (hah!), so I attempted to make him jump off by becoming more vigorous in my sexual exploit and shaking the headboard. So here we are, my friend is absolutely loving this as it is getting (in her mind) extremely passionate and I'm locking gazes with this cat in a battle of wills. I finally managed to get him to jump off, and I may or may not have given a victory fist pump.

Yup, totally classy, still single. Ladies, line forms to the right, no pushing or shoving please.

 

There was a girl I was dating a few years ago, and you know how you hear about "crazy cat ladies?" This woman was on her way to being a crazy dog lady. She was always adopting new dogs, and she would even kidnap (dognap?) dogs that she thought were being abused and try to find homes for them.

Also, I have no proof of this, but I think she may have been "doing things" with some of her dogs; one time she gave me this speech about how she didn't think bestiality is wrong, and she just considers it a form of masturbation...

Anyway, the first time we ever had sex, we started messing around on her bed, and sex was inevitable. I told her that we needed to get the dogs out of the room, but she swore it would be fine, and I took her word for it.
We started going at it, and the next thing I knew, I felt something cold and wet poking my ass. It was one of her dogs sniffing me out, and she told me to just push it off the bed, which I did.
I was so weirded out that I couldn't cum that night; I was afraid that it would happen again, or worse, one of them would start licking my ass/balls/taint.

Spoiler

She and I didn't last much longer after that.

 

These 2 things...

I don't like the chronology of your story, sir. It appears as though you think she may have been sexual with a dog(s) and THEN you still slept with her. Please, Mary, mother of God, tell me you just wrote the story badly.

 

Good point.

In my defense, I didn't come to that realization until we had broken up... Infatuation blinds people a lot of the time.

How many people out there do stuff with their pets that we don't know about? Watch the documentary "Zoo" if you are curious about this.

 

But dude...blinds you from beastiality? I mean, I know that we sometimes look the other way to certain flaws from people we date, but I think theres a line somewhere there. And I think its way before that.

 

Look, I was mainly thinking about what her D-cups looked like without a sweater on, what her pussy tasted like/if she was shaved (she wasn't), and what her thighs would feel like pressed against my ears.

 

You could just ask her dog.


sorry, I had to

 

NSFW

(Audio only NSFW, video is fine)