I think only mods can create actual polls, but here goes. My roommate likes asking me rediculous hypothetical questions for his own amusement and one was particularly absurd, so I figured I'd throw it out to the high-class citizenry of TiB. Would you rather... A. Have unprotected sex and take a 50/50 chance of getting HIV? or B. Spend an entire year alone with Pee Wee Herman?
Where are you, Honolulu? Here's to keeping Exhibit A in the running... For consideration of option one, I would probably not want to live with an STD if I found out I had one. For number two, I would without a doubt go insane and end up on murder charges. In this case, execution would be an act of the utmost mercy, but no one who chose option C could ever be found competent to stand trial, so I would be resigned to a life of taking little blue pills and hearing my neighbors shit themselves while their mouths make noises that make violent self-defecation sound like Beethoven. I would rather sneak into the Westboro church and let them find me in the middle of the night, very energetically obtaining carnal knowledge of another man right on the desk of Fred Phelps. Of course, I don't want to get it on with a man, so I'll bring Winona Ryder with a shaved head. Close enough, and by the time they realize she doesn't have a dick, I'll be on my way to - wait, nothing.
I feel that 50/50 on getting aids is way to risky. Think about playing Russian roulette and filling half the cylinder. Still wanna play? I can always kill peewee herman. I probably wouldn't even get jail time because it would be an act of humanity.
I thought the same. Given my luck, I'm thinking even at <10% of a chance for AIDS I'd most likely loose.
Year alone as in stuck in a prison cell with no yard time? Or living along with him in his Playhouse? Is he Peewee the character or is it Paul Reubens playing Peewee but he'll break character? I don't know if I could handle Peewee for a whole year in solitary confinement. If it was Paul Reubens as Peewee I could probably manage, so he jerked off to porn in a semi public place, WHO THE FUCK HASNT!?! He seems like an eccentric artist but Id make it a year. Now if it was living at the Playhouse Id need 10 lbs of shrooms and a couple dozen sheets of blotter acid and Id be A-Ok. I live in a semi-hypercondriac state of fear as it is with STDs. Even if you can live a reasonably long life taking the cocktails of drugs, the fucking stress and social awkwardness problems that might arise. Fuck that shit.
I completely forgot I posted this in the suggestions, now Im a little embarrassed. Oh well. The real question with the HIV/AIDS gamble is, if you were to get infected, do you get the Magic Johnson level medical treatment or do you get the Tom Hanks from Phliadelphia level treatment? I think Id roll those dice. (And yes, its Pee Wee Herman, not Paul Reubens)
Am I the only one who would actually pay good money to hang out with Pee Wee Herman for an entire year?
I don't understand why nobody has pointed out the obvious: If you spend an entire year alone with Pee Wee Herman, you're going to have unprotected sex with a 50/50 chance of getting HIV.
Let's see. I could die a maliciously slow, painful, bed-shitting death OR spend a year here: Chalk me up for a year with Pee Wee. Fuck yes. Spend all day chilling with Laurence Fishburne. No way you don't harass him all day with questions about Apocalypse Now until he snaps. I'd actually make a game to be more annoying than Pee Wee; I know I could do it. Wake him up by jumping on his bed, 10 inches from his face singing that theme song into a bullhorn. Use the talking chair as a toilet. Eat all his Mr. T cereal. MR.T FUCKING CEREAL. You get to eat that stuff again for the first time in 20 years! His house will be an anachronism,the cereal will be good and fresh; it's decided. That right there is worth a year. Shit was awesome. The real kicker is, we know how Paul Reubens is in private. We really don't know what Pee Wee is like. Finally get to observe the twisted behavior of a 40 year old man child. It'd be fascinating, like watching Hoarders. You could be the Attenborough of mentally ill. I also want to know where he gets his money. You know he doesn't have a job. Who'd hire him? Welfare doesn't pay for that lifestyle. Welfare doesn't pay for that dude trapped in the TV, or his living hell. Herman's up to something shady. He has to sell his body to rich businessmen. Sell goofballs to kids. Or he's living off a rape settlement from his childhood. Which would explain a lot.
So long as he doesn't judge me for how much I drink, cool. Besides, I bet he tires himself out really quick. Night time will probably be fine. Just get a couple live webcam feeds and create a reality TV show out of it. Could probably make a few bucks.
How hot is the female in option A? If I get HIV, who gives a shit, you can only catch it once, right?
How hot doesn't matter. It would need to be someone famous. There are hot chicks everywhere without AIDS. Just save up some cash and rent one for a few hours. But someone famous? At least you get a good story out of it, not just "I banged a hottie once." And I think you can catch it more than once. Different strains and stuff.
No amount of whiskey will dull the shame of being violated over a talking chair by a man wearing red lipstick and a bow tie.
I`d totally violate Miss Yvonne over Chair, and have Chair talk dirty to me and lick my taint. And then I`d fart on both of them. I`d also record myself saying the secret word of the day, and play it nonstop. By 10:30 am, nobody would have a voice left. And am I the only person that wants to hear what noises Pee Wee makes when he shits or masterbates? (PS Mrs. Jones hated it the one time I did the Pee Wee laugh when I came. I do not suggest doing it.)
I fucking LOVE Pee Wee. I saw his Broadway show last fall and it was amazing. When the curtain lifts and you see the actual playhouse laid out right in front of you... chills people. Chills. Plus he probably has a fairly kickass porn collection.
It would make for one hell of a story, though. You could beat anything anyone else could ever bring to the table. "Oh, you've been to Nepal? Nice. I was once forcefully engaged in a three-way with a guy who looks like an oversized ventriloquist dummy and a talking piece of living room furniture. Me-1, You-0."
Why isn't there an option for spending a year with Pee Wee Herman and having a 50/50 chance of getting HIV?