1/10/14 WDT

wait are big glasses not cool now

 

I got LASIK in 2007. Glasses, except aviator sunglasses and/or probably reading glasses at some point, will never ever be a part of my life again.

 

I actually like wearing glasses, even when they're inconvenient. I guess my frames are vaguely hipsterish, tho.

 

Glasses made Jenny McCarthy into a genius talk show host you can't go wrong. I'll never vaccinate my child again.

Both my wife and daughter wear them, but not me. I have 20/10. That's better than perfect.

 

See if you can guess what this is:



Answer:

Spoiler

That's Niagara fucking Falls, the world's mightiest waterfall frozen mid-plummet. Unreal.

 

Did no one else catch this? Two things popped into my head.

1. Why is your wife drinking and smoking while pregnant or planning to be pregnant?

2. You are proactively getting ready to pitch a reality show as soon as your child is born looking like Megamind.

 

It was a joke. Wait... it was a joke, right?

 

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Reposting from the random links thread. Angel, great find. Wonder what happened to Andrea? This shit's hilarious.


(see what I did there?)

 

I'd vaccinate Jenny McCarthy, if you know what I'm saying . . .

There was an article on the web saying she was claiming her son didn't have autism after all but she's been refuting that.

 

He said it was a joke via rep. It didn't *sound* like a joke, but I'm laughing anyway.

So far Die Hard 5 is nowhere near as bad as Die Hard 4, but then again neither is From Justin To Kelly.

 

I'm glad she's willing to clear up some facts.

I can't knock her though, she was hot on Singled Out back in the day. Hot enough for me to overlook her trying too hard to be funny.



Now the dating show "Studs" was a fucking hilarious dating show.

 

If you're fucking your high school girlfriend at her parent's house and they come home early, maybe Mexican fast food shouldn't be your top priority.

 

Studs may the funniest show, period. There are YouTube clips. Early 90's douchenozzles bragging about sex with PG-13 language. It's insane comedy gold, you'd either roar with laughter or cringe at the creeps and whores yammering off with their single-digit I.Q's.

Jenny McCathy is worthless. Bolt-on tits and crazy-huge Robert Z'Dar manjaws. She'd make a great roll of toilet paper, but on the other hand she cured autism so we need her.

 

Beautiful house, to bad no one is home.


I love living back in the country, the wife and I just got back from the local bar here and I asked for a drink menu because they brew beer in house. The waitress couldn't tell me anything about the craft beer they have because.........it's 3 dollars for a 12 ounce draft, which nobody buys here because it's too expensive. I haven't paid less than 5.50 a pint in 5 years living in Charlotte.

I laughed because I thought she was fucking with me but she wasn't. They have an awesome porter though. The wife and I had dinner and drinks for 50 bucks out the door, can't beat it.

Cheap craft beer for the win.

 

Any time I am in your country, no matter where I've been (that covers a lot of States) booze prices make my eyes whirl out of my skull.

Take the Bluewater bridge, the picturesque steel monster that spans Sarnia with Port Huron. On one side in Canada, you will find a 40oz bottle of Bacardi for $57. Three miles over that bridge, it's twenty. Twenty dollars?!?!

This is the monopoly the LCBO deals our province. Their liquor store employees make averages of close to $25 an hour. And they never get robbed in the city, ever. Can you say "laughing all the way to the bank?"

 

I need a clever way to say, "i know your fiance is right there and my husband is on.his way home.from work, but o kinda want to make out with you even though you maybe took my nipple clamps and I'm alottle bit drink".

 

I take it back. That was a steaming pile of fuck piss. Note I said "SO FAR" because I was 20 minutes into it. Why did they end up at Chernobyl? Of all the places to set a story in Russia (actually filmed in Hungary) and they pick Chernobyl because people from Missouri and Indonesia will only recognize that as significant.

That needed to be cleared up before I get more hatemail:

That feel, bro.

I think you summed it up pretty well right there. You really should ask her, delicately, about your missing nipple clamps. You've been mentioning this for a year now and I want to know what kind of a person steals nipple clamps.

 

Die Hard 5 is the worst of the bunch. After three fantastic entertainments it shit the bed and had the soul sucked out of it by Shang Tsung.

I love how they beat a helicopter in a 500 mile drive to Ukraine. And they just drove right through that ultra-friendly border, huh? Did they think AT ALL when they wrote the script? Because it seemed they used the Lethal Weapon 4 method.

 

A girl invited me back to her place "for tea", took her birth control on the subway ride over there, and tea was all that occurred.

Womp womp.