There's about two hundred coyotes across the street shouting obscene names at me in some wretched, shrieking dog language.
I just buy the already cooked roast chooks in the supermarket. If you go in later during the day here they're down to around $5 and still tasty.
The rotisserie chickens are tasty but they are smaller and brined, so way too much salt if you eat a lot of it. The whole chickens I got were right around $4 each and bigger, plus I control how they are seasoned. They take time to cook but I really don't mind that part.
So Jägerette is working on contract in the US and we are apart, and thus to amuse ourselves we are going high school style and playing long distance truth or dare. Examples of things I have dared: (She is also doing some things around the house for her parents on the weekends since they are so old.) Paint a breast with wall paint Walk the dogs in the sluttiest thing she had steal a sharpie from a coworker and stick it in her twat (and then throw it out) I am starting to run out of dares, and throwing it out to you idiots.
That is the name of truth or dare when you are adults who have no limits. Earlier today I had to pack snow around my dick and balls and let it sit there for three minutes. (I am still waiting for my nuts to descend)
She needs to ask her oldest and crankiest coworker, one ideally who is post menopausal, for a tampon. And she has to say "tampon" specifically, no being polite or evasive.
I figured the germs of a person who lives in Gilroy, Ca in her cunt was the real daring part of the dare.
So, where's the truth? This is just dare. Tell her you're onto her and she won't ruin the sanctity of this game any longer. You really telling us to brainstorm ways to degrade your wife? Ok, then. - Order a pizza, answer the door in only her underpants - Benwah balls to the office. She gets bonus if the boss asks what sounds like pool balls racking - Sharpie "Hello There" on the inside of thigh, cross legs, ahem, provocatively wherever she goes - Walk the dog while she wears the collar and leash - Naked snow angel, ass side up, so the snow angel has snow boobs - Bengay her pussy lips - Eat 2 cans of baked beans in one sitting OK, I have to sit on this a minute. Be right back after a couple glasses of thinking juice.
Call up a pizza place, ask for the "special kind of sausage pizza." If they don't get the hint, be frank and ask for "the kind they serve in pornos." Assuming they don't hang up on her at some point, get them to at least deliver a pizza. Give them the neighbor's address. Call Michaels/Hobby Lobby/whatever her local craft store is. Ask if they can gift wrap "a dick in a box." (a la SNL) If she made you put your dick in snow, you have to make her put an ice cube in her twat. Only fair. Take the dog on a walk. Wear a nipple clamp. Tie the leash to the nipple clamp. Take a shit. Take a picture of it. Send it to a friend. Order a bottle of "Liquid Ass", and have it shipped to her. She goes into a fast food place during lunch, orders, and sits down to eat. She must spray several squirts of the spray, and stay there until she finishes her meal or the manager kicks her out for smelling like she shit herself. Tequila Suicide shot:
Take a 1 oz. shot of hot sauce. Douche with cologne. Wear a wig for a day (must be a day that includes errands/activities out of the house). Kuhjager must approve of the wig. Go to Wal Mart, get one of those disability scooters. You must purchase an item from each corner of the store without getting kicked out. Go to a free clinic. Asked to get tested for "the gay."
No shit. I don't think I've ever even seen comments on a porn site. Am I on the wrong sites or just not very observant? What kind of twisted porn are you people watching that you feel the need to discuss it with strangers in the comment section after viewing?
Sometimes there'll be a scene with a performer I like but don't know her name and can't look for more of her work. Usually someone in the comments will know.
Adios to the worst week in the history of ever. Fuck me running, I'm afraid to go outside without a helmet.