I'm just glad I'm not one of those old fuckers with no self awareness who thinks they're still 24 years old, and proceeds to creep everyone the fuck out.
Got my first -- and hopefully only for a while -- tattoo today. Son's name on my inner forearm, walked in with a few different old-west fonts (because of his name) and the guy was able to pick the elements I liked from each and create his own thing, which was cool. I've heard tats, specifically in that area, are painful but honestly I barely noticed after the first few minutes. Took an hour and a half. Incredible line work. Now I get to deal with my ultra conservative in laws asking me what the fuck I was thinking every time they see me. Someone explain to me why I stopped drinking again?
Just point to your head and say, "brain damage, duh...". I mean, what's the point of having it if you can't take advantage of it every now and then? "And your daughter also likes the seizures I get when I cum."
1) It's "dain bramage." 2) Unfortunately not everyone has the same sense of humor about it that I do. 3) Actually, every time they piss me off I just start talking about the last time we had sex and how many times she orgasmed and what she looked like doing it (and which football game I was watching over her head). They leave me alone pretty quick after that.
"What's a nice girl like you doing blowing goats for a living?" "Why don't you come back to my place? These adult diapers aren't going to change themselves." "Want to neck? I used my grape flavored Dentu-Creme today." "Why don't we go somewhere where we can be alone, and I can show you my collection of Nixon campaign buttons."
Actually, if I was going to go with anything it'd be "I have a HUGE life insurance policy." But that's just asking to be fucked to death and who wants that?
So... Man fired for farting too much. I mean, how bad does your ass have to be to get fired for farting?
I've never understood gastric bypass surgery. We have people with so little control over their behavior that the best option is surgery to force them to eat less, even though it entails awful side-effects and the inherent risks of any surgery. I work with a woman who had the surgery a while ago, and on more than one occasion I have seen her stuff multiple bearclaws down her craw until she was in physical pain that lasted for hours. And yet on election day, her vote counts just the same as mine.
Love how everyone is skipping over the part where he works at a food production company and thus his decision to get (keep in mind elective) can and likely already has caused sanitation issues. As disgusting as it is, if you fart around food products, you are exposing them to your poop particles. Not many people like the taste of E-coli.
Anyone actually read that? Chronic gas and uncontrollable diarrhea around food products. Farts are shit particles, shit SPRAY peppering your eyes, nose, and mouth. He is a multi-million dollar liability waiting to happen. Plus he's 70. Fucking retire so someone else can get hired. I hate everything about this story. On a fatty related note, anyone been to Trader Joe's? How is this place not ruling the world? Everything is organic and the prices are cheaper than my local grocery store. I made a helluva haul for $34. Truffle cheese, green hot sauce, 3 boxes of frozen Indian food, a pizza, chicken sausages, and a quart of tomato soup. All that stuff at the grocery store would be 20% higher. The truffle cheddar cheese is insane. I will be making the king of grilled cheese sandwiches in about an hour. Going to crack open a bottle of Bordeaux wine too. And tomato soup; always welcomed. This weekend is looking alright.
CBS' pregame for the UGA/Bama game makes me want to have an abortion. Fuck a duck. I sliced open my hand breaking out of my own bathroom, four stitches and no masturbation. So, all rainy weekend I'll be watching football and doing absolutely nothing.
For those of you who don't know, I've been a 'Bama fan for 24 years. There's no game we can't lose. Yes I'm on my 3rd drink of the day, and it's the 2nd quarter. In other news, I wasted 6 hours today in a basic rider safety course for my motorcycle license. 25 question multiple choice test that I would have gotten 100 on whether I sat through the lecture or not. The class was $99 and is required. Then I have to pay $75 for my permit, wait a month and spend $75 for my license. Blatant money making scheme? You bet. But the motorcycle was FREE. And I've already put 300 miles on it. Oh, I made potato soup. 2 cups of heavy cream, 2 sticks of butter. Yes, I'm getting fat.
In other other news, I'm out of work for a while. I have some mystery illness (not HIV fuckers) that knocked my hemoglobin from 16 to 7.8 in 6 weeks. Got a couple units of blood, but no answers. Iron level was down to zero. On iron supplements now, numbers climbing, but seriously, WTF?
Enjoy the constipation associated with taking iron supplements. That potato soup will be with you for at least a week.