We don't get to have nice things like common courtesy anymore because the assholes ruin it for everybody. Part of the problem is that there is an equally large set of shitty women who respond to and reward this sort of behavior.
Seriously do, as do most people I know. We've got like half a million in the metro area so while we're not a huge metropolis, its not like this is Mayberry.
As the other people said, that is very weird in any sizable city. Also, impractical: I probably pass hundreds of people per day. Thousands if I'm out and about for a few hours. The general ethos of city living is if you are going to talk to someone, there should be a reason. When someone speaks to me on the street, I assume they want something or are trying to tell me something (maybe my shoes are untied?) Otherwise, people got places to be and it is considered rude to impede them.
Hey, I think that if you're nice and polite to everybody, continue doing so. Lord knows I'm a weirdo about smalltalk, but there's nothing wrong with acknowledging another human being. Couple points with respect to this video: a.) NYC is not a place where that is common. I am nearly 100% sure that most of these dudes wouldn't have talked to her if they weren't sexually into her. b.) These dudes weren't saying hello to everybody (because when the streets are that crowded, it would be insane to). c.) It's fine to say hi, but you should also recognize that just because you're a friendly great guy doesn't mean everybody is, and that videos like this are great proof of why blanket trust isn't a great look for women in major metropolises. d.) At one point, I was doing some like, promotional marketing for a new magazine in NYC. All I was trying to do was get women passing by to take a free magazine, in broad daylight. Most didn't even slow down.
Nom, question for you and Parker, is there a particular reason this is more prevalent in African-American culture? A large portion of the dudes in that video (some Dominican/Puerto Rican dudes as well it seemed) were African-American, which empirically matches with a lot of the experiences Ive seen in my daily life in Chicago, or at various malls over the years. I can't think of a time when any of my friends, or me for that matter, hollered at a random girl like that on the street (while sober at least...). I'm not trying to be like "haha black dudes are pushy jackals!", but more genuinely curious cause there must be some sort of cultural or success trigger behind it. Also, the chick in Minneapolis that katakoch linked to earlier was an absolutely insufferable bitch. I get her point, but most of the dudes that approached her were not pushy or creepy, and she absolutely lambasted them.
1. Just for the record, this isn't me. But I found it weirdly comforting to watch because I've heard all of those exact same things many, many times and it's nice to know it's not just me. I don't know why women don't talk about catcalling more often. Whenever the topic comes up in a group everyone has endless stories to tell and everyone always feels a lot better. 2. Believe it or not, women can tell the difference between when you're actually just being friendly and when your "hello" is code for "I'm about to verbally molest you." 3. While it does seem to be worse in some places than others, you really can't make sweeping statements about "oh well I guess catcalling is just a thing there or in these kinds of places." I started getting catcalled in a mid-sized, super-progressive town when I was 11, it continued while I was in school in Boston, now in NYC, and in a bunch of other places around the country and world. It's not like it's just a New York thing. It probably only seems more prevalent here because of just how many opportunities there are for it to happen, both in terms of number of people and proximity. 4. I can't say I'm terribly surprised that guys never notice catcalling. It's very rarely a big scene, as you can see in the video, and it's not like people go around paying a whole lot of attention to their surroundings that aren't actually involving them.
It definitely isn't a black thing, it's a stupid and lower class thing. I'm guessing you're exposed most often to a specific type of dumb poor person. I'm most commonly exposed to the white trash variant, and they behave similarly. Not that wealthy people can't be dumb jackasses as well, but you don't see as many of them.
Okay, but if there's going to be a video with 100 examples of catcalling in 10 hours, that equals one episode of catcalling every six minutes. I consider myself somewhat more perceptive than the average bear, and I spent nearly 5 years living in the downtown core of the 5th largest city in North America... and not only did I not notice catcalling, the women around me specifically said that they did not experience catcalling.
It was kind of interesting, in the link above to the girl who was passing out cards to the catcallers and then talking to them, there was one that was a businessman in a suit and a very flashy wedding ring. And was amazed at his beliefs about women. This guy either watches too much Mad Men or he teleported from the 50s.
So this is a somewhat timely topic as I recently had a conversation with my wife about her disinclination to walk to the grocery store a block away from the house. The metro stop is right in front of the store, so I typically have no issue with dropping by after work as long as I have a confirmed list of items. Sometimes some shit gets forgotten, which hey...such is life. It was explained to me that's its much more easy for me to schlep back to the store or wait until tomorrow than it is for her to walk over and deal with the scummy dudes on the corner. She could always take the car, but its almost twice the time and a bit more of a headache to get it out of the garage and park. This evolved into a discussion on her actually dressing down as to not attract attention which was certainly news to me. The reason? If I'm with her, this doesn't happen. I'm not the most intimidating dude on the planet, but I do carry myself with the attitude that its going to be best for everyone if you don't pick me to hassle. I should note we don't live in a traditionally bad neighborhood. I've lived in big and small cities and I think there are some best practices involved here when traversing major metro areas. - You do not make eye contact on public transportation intentionally. Its going to be either creepy or confrontational, neither of which normal people want when you're trying to get to work or back home. - You do not speak to strangers. I don't care if I'm on fire, I'm going to look at you like you like you have a third eye if you say anything to me in public and I don't know you. - Under no circumstances do you intentionally touch a stranger. Ever. This will get you thrown into traffic. - Do not hit on women on the street. As per Louis CK, women's biggest fear/risk vector is men, but as another poster put it, when has this ever worked for anyone ever? - Keep your earphones in. Of course you're going to have circumstances where this is a safety issue like at night, but earphones help to block out the constant stream of shit that comes out of people's mouth. - Do not engage. In DC we have our fair share of crazy folk, and I typically pretend I don't hear anything from anyone on my way to and from work. I know this may not be realistic for women. This rule will be broken if I'm grabbed for attention or otherwise, but I know most females don't have this option. I hate that ladyfolk have to put up with this as they certainly shouldn't have to. I saw this video earlier on Jezabel, and while I believe women shouldn't have to justify what they're wearing, I assume other women dress down intentionally as to not attract undue attention.
The worst okace for catcalling is Italy. Not just aggressive, but downright vulgar and gross. Everyone I know that's been there has clarified that for me.
CIAO BELLA! A bunch of fucking animals. They yell it from the windows and at anyone walking by. We were walking with a couple of cute Canadian chicks we met while traveling and the amount of catcalling made NYC look like a Christian preschool.
Is this just an observation or is there some kind of point that you're making? Enh, I had this line of thinking when I was going to a concert the day after I had to physically fight someone off who got angry at me for ignoring his catcalls and dressed as shittily as possible and I still had a guy put his hand up my shorts and shove his fingers in my vagina. Headphones and avoiding eye contact and not talking to people don't help either. There is literally nothing you can do. Edit: Except for always walk around with a guy because then they won't do it. Out of respect for the guy.
I almost never witness any sort of catcalling, but I'm willing to believe my female friends when they say it happens often. Not seeing something doesn't mean it doesn't happen. My GF gets it semi regularly, for some reason guys think it is funny to yell things like 'how much?' out car windows when they're driving past a girl by herself. Seriously, what's the best outcome they're hoping for? She even got a 'De-yam Shawty' once. In the middle of a week day, in the middle of a central business district with hundreds of suits around. It's also not an accident that girls who want to be left alone will default to 'I have a boyfriend' whether it's true or not. As Audrey noted, they're more likely to respect a guy who 'has them' already.
When I was in Florida in July I decided to walk to get a coffee, had a couple of instances of guys yelling something at me and turned around, got in my car and drove there. And then one time I was in Macy's just looking through a rack of clothing and I hear this, "Mmmmhmmm, girl I'd like to take you to dinner." I look up to see what girl was getting harassed and realized he was talking to me. He kept on walking as he said it, but I have this bad habit of not wanting to be rude ever, so I think I said "thank you". Which he took as a go ahead to turn around and start walking back towards me. I then panicked and stuttered something, shook my head and walked quickly into the clothing racks. Probably the only time I remember being a little creeped out was when I stopped at a gas station on the way home one night and when I pulled up there was this guy standing in front of it, off to the side a little. When I came out, he was closer to the door and started following me. I'm a fast walker and I wasn't parked too far away so I just walked confidently to the car and he starts talking to me, asking where I was going. And then I think he said something dirty to me as I got in my car. I wasn't about to ask him to repeat it though since I didn't really hear the whole thing. I didn't necessarily feel unsafe as there were people around and it was well lit, so I just left with a "that guy sure was creepy" thought. I like to think the best of people, and hate to assume something bad might happen, although I'm always aware of my surroundings. I'll say hi to people on the street or smile, particularly if it's not crowded and we are one on one passing. I can't help it. I'm probably most awkward when I walk into a place (coffee shop, restaurant, bar, etc.) and realize it's full of mostly dudes and it's a small space. I'm really aware of my size then. In those situations I actually just try to act really comfortable as I find confidence is key.
I hate catcalling. It's so disrespectful and 100% unnecessary. It happens all the time if you're a gal alone or with a group of girls. I don't even know if it's about attractiveness....even if I wear sweat pants and a baggy sweatshirt to a gas station at least one Mexican will say something to me. And trust me, I don't look cute at all. The odds decrease if I keep my eyes down. God forbid I make eye contact and smile at a stranger. If you're a female you learn around puberty how to make yourself as invisible as possible in certain situations. Once, a girlfriend and I were in my old neighborhood walking down the street in the middle of the day. A group of Mexicans started yelling at us. We just kept walking. After not responding to their amazingly romantic and creative shouting, they hurled their beer bottles at us. I know several other girls who have had experiences extremely similar to that.
Stories like this just baffle me. Not because I think they don't happen, but because it's so totally foreign to me that I have trouble even wrapping my brain around it. I don't deliberately avoid eye contact when I'm walking and usually if I catch someone's eye I'll slightly smile or nod. Guys usually either acknowledge it or don't make eye contact. With girls, there's a third option of a slight glare or a dirty look and then looking away. It's not common but it always irks because my first thought is "oh, fuck you, I was just being friendly." But reading stories like this make me wonder if they're just tired of dealing with assholes all day who think acknowledging their existence entitles the guy to make a pass.