We have a cat. A black cat. Against our will. It adopted us (showed up at my grandmother's house the day after she died, wouldn't leave and followed me home). I consider her to be a tool, and a valuable one at that. I would be sad if she died, but she would be immediately replaced. We live in an urban area and after seeing her at work I highly recommend that everyone under similar circumstances get a cat. She's my constant hunting presence, like a motion detector always set on "kill." The cat has shown up with (both living and dead, for all of these) mice, birds, lizards, snakes, squirrels, and even one dead opossum. True story: while reading this thread, and what inspired this post, I saw out the window that there was a bird on my car mirror (shitting on it). The cat was beneath it in hunting mode. When the bird flew off, the cat went with it. No clue where she is, but there is no doubt in my mind that the bird no longer exists as a living entity.
Even the most domestic cat is a frighteningly skilled hunter and never lose their killer instinct. For a land animal to pick birds out of the air, bushes and trees the way they do......skillz. Of course it sucks if this is your cat, because these kills become "gifts" which they leave maggot-festooned on your best rug.
Between the wine and the cat, My gaydar was going off. But then, as you mentioned, the microwave and PVC lawnchair. The gheys are much more fashionably astute.
One of the dogs that we had when I was growing up used to find turtles in our yard. When she came back to the house we would have to give her a piece of cheese or something in order to get her to put it down. I always took the turtles back outside and let them go. Another cat we had when I was young was the meanest cat ever. My parents named her Ms. Puss. She hated everyone except for my dad, and she would stand on our bookcase and wait for me to walk by so she could swing at me. She also left a dead rabbit on our patio around Easter time one year. Overall, I am more of a dog person than a cat person, but I really like all animals except for insects and arachnids. I have to agree with the person who said that cats and dogs just generally want to be your pal.
My friend's cat, Marigold, was the worst animal I ever met. It hated everything. One time this Persian guillotine chased me into a bedroom. I shut the door, and it was reaching its paws under the door trying to swing at me so i had to scream for them to take it away. Oh, and this piece of work for some god-forsaken reason went for the eyes. Once it scratched my friend El Niño and he punched it out cold with a sweet cross. We thought (and kinda wished) he killed it.
When I was a little kid I was sitting on the vent because it was winter and it was cold and obviously the heat was on. Then suddenly something bit me in the ass, it was our cat Frosty. Apparently I was sitting on her vent. Our other cat was Blacky (he was black), he was a barn cat preferred being outside and would chase off raccoons, he'd also try to kill basically anything that moved and that included our big english lab Toby.
I have the weirdest dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that toddamus hired me to help him clean his mom's house. A few nights ago I dreamt that I flicked some tuna in the face of one of el husband's old coworkers.
I didn't see your face, you were just a dude in jeans, regular build. And you only paid me $80 to do mounds of laundry and other cleaning.
Yes, in my wildest dreams, where I could be sexing up on viggo mortensen and splooshing all over the place, I am getting paid barely minimum wage to clean a dude's house who I've never met.
As a way of saying hi after being absent for a long time, I offer you all this. NSFW, unsurprisingly.
We've got two Maine Coons - both have a good temperament and aren't aloof. But I've always wanted a caracal. They can be domesticated pretty easily too and live for at least 12 years usually. No bird is safe from a caracal. 1:25 and 2:50 for this video. A helmeted guinea fowl (the birds that get fucked in this video) is about the same size as your average free-range chicken.
Cats suck and are not to be trusted. I am re-watching Pirates of the Caribbean in an attempt to improve my sleep orgasms to at least a Johnny Depp quality. Or Kiera Knightley. Hell, I'd even take Geoffrey Rush over Tawny Kitaen.