All of this. It is the women that see this and know they fall into that category that react. They fucking know they could be doing more, but they decided to have kids, be moms and then use it as an excuse. The chicks getting mad are the ones where their husbands have said something like "honey, um..." and they've responded with the Breyer's in their lap "I CAN'T CUZ KIDS!" Its not insulted these people are feeling. *Cue Adam Carolla voice* It is shame. These women are feeling shamed, made to look bad in comparison. Those chicks aren't saying "You are bad mothers, bad wives and bad people." They're saying "What you've been saying is unrealistic or impossible isn't." The dudes are like "Wait a minute, you're telling me it is impossible, but this lady did it." Then the shame kicks in. *Cue more Adam Carolla voice* Also, shame is a powerful motivator. Shame is what keeps people accountable. Shame is what you feel when you drop the ball on something when you shouldn't. The fact we're trying to avoid shame at all costs isn't a healthy thing. People get lazy and slack off when there is nothing to hold them in check. It's like hell, people need to believe there is a hell to not be raging assholes. We actually need more shame, have it be like the days of Mad Men again (without the racism). Shame prevented people from starting fights in public, even raising their voice, and acting like genuine asses of themselves.
Still just not gonna click on that link and actually read what she wrote, huh? This is further proof that the issues women have are caused by other women. They do it to each other. Instead of reading what she wrote, you've chosen to judge her by how you intially perceived her. I swear, no woman is ever good enough for another woman, no matter what she does.
And the sexism. And the homophobia. And hell, things were probably shitty for trans people too. But things were pretty good if you were a rich straight white dude. Unlike now, where that's like, the hardest thing.
Hell shaming is what keeps this community in line. It is what keeps any community in line. What do you think red dots are for? They're digital versions of shame. "Hey, you posted something that was really stupid, you shouldn't do that." And it works! People don't post certain things because they don't want to get red dots. A healthy amount of shame is necessary.
Actually, guilt has been found (in research) to be more motivating than shame. Shame is saying, "You are bad," while guilt says, "What you're doing is bad." Long term, shame is unhealthy, period. People are more likely to change when they feel guilt. Maybe a more motivating/inspiring message would be educating/giving tips to women about heathy changes in their lifestyles instead of a rhetorical question filled with attitude and a bit of judgment.
Well, replace everything I posted with shame with guilt. I didn't know the scientific difference between the two, in my mind they were close enough, but whatever! Also, not to sound like a dick when I say this, but it is interesting when the talk switches to "Its really hard to have kids." Because I've been in & through the hood where it should be hard to have kids, but fuckers are shitting out kids that have no business having them. This chick on the train the other day coming from the southside of Chicago had 3 kids, one double stroller, and they couldn't be more than 9 months apart for any of them. (Not going to talk about how she was skinny, probably was meth) but its just a funny thing to talk about in the larger context because these fuckers who keep shitting them out have much harder circumstances and less resources then these moms who are complaining about how hard it is to be a mom. And everyone has seen these families. Obviously low-income households that have 20 kids running around and its like "Wtf?"
Please note that I am a straight white dude, everything is easy for me, and whatever I have has been given to me just because I'm lucky, so that is coloring all my responses. But, I guess "shame" means something else to me. Phrases I associate with shame: "You're pathetic. You'll never amount to anything. Pfff, good luck achieving what I have." *Note: Though I've heard these said before, I'm not quoting anyone and just sort made them up for the example. Phrases I don't associate with shame: ". . . maybe you can take my story and my image and use that as a source of inspiration." "Fat-shaming, fit-shaming or being ashamed…whatever you want to call it, I don’t like saying it. No one should ever feel ashamed for who they are. You can’t create a positive future built on the foundation of shame. The problem I see is we are shifting to a society that accepts being overweight/obese as the norm. When being unhealthy is normalized, it makes people complacent to change. There is a fine line when you say something is ‘unacceptable’ versus being ‘shameful’. I believe that we should not shame those who are challenged with their weight but instead support them and understand where their struggle stems from." " "Every woman is different and my intention was not to ask, “What’s your Excuse for not looking like me?” My intention was to imply, “What’s your Excuse for not exercising?” However you interpret the message is dependent on your emotional state when you read the caption. I definitely agree that my results are not normal. At the same time, being ‘fit’ is no longer normal in society. 1/3 of Americans are obese and over half are overweight. So of course it’s not realistic for the ‘average’ person to be fit after pregnancy because usually they are not fit before pregnancy. If you take care of yourself, exercise and eat the correct foods, then my results can be normal for you too! There’s nothing wrong with being fit. It’s good for you, your family and your wallet towards the end of your life." *Note: I wasn't clever enough to make these up, so I just lazily copied them from her website.
Off the cuff and not extremely thought out theory: I think it seems a lot more difficult when it is not something you have ever done before and is not the norm for you. Speaking as someone who was an only child and babysat maybe a handful of well-behaved kids when I was younger, I think parenting is extremely hard. I would bet that these women raising kids in low-income neighborhoods have had a lot of experience dealing with younger siblings or cousins or whatever. I also think that higher income people set themselves to a higher standard for child-rearing and consequently make it a lot harder on themselves.
I don't take issue with her encouraging women that they, too, can get fit. I am speaking specifically to the image and the message it gives to women. "What's your excuse?" Doesn't say "you can do it too!" It says "if you don't look like this, you ought to have a good excuse." I agree that weight is a huge issue in our society, and I absolutely think that healthier diet and regular exercise should be promoted. But not like that.
Company office party last night. Nothing exciting at all happened since its practically a couples night. 3 of 6 execs just peaced out because they got shitfaced last night and couldn't hang.
I don't look like that because food is delicious, fun time is fun, and sleep is important. I don't get outraged about the Maria's because I know I just don't want to live that life. I could, hell, maybe if even look that great, but it just isn't that important to me to be some sort of work out 6 hours per day and monitor every bite fitness role model
That's a good point. If she simply writes "what's your excuse?" as a caption next to the photo, everyone who wants to add to that caption or infer what else she's trying to say should just make up their own extras rathing than reading the exact additional words she wrote herself. Actually, that's not specific to her - that's solid advice for keeping a positive attitude about yourself and others. Always rush to judgement, assume the worst, don't dig deeper, accept everything at face value, and above all else, never ever let the facts get in the way of forming your opinion.
I'm not sure what your point is? Do you think that low-income families are choosing to have larger families because that's what they prefer and it's so easy? Do you think that since low-income families can barely make do with large families that higher-income parents shouldn't complain about the struggles of having only one or two kids? Or something else?
I think that even if she had the best of intentions and her message came from a genuine place, her image is part of the issue. It's focused on physical results rather than the behaviors she's promoting. I would draw more inspiration from (and would be able to identify with) an image of a woman who's busting her ass, drenched in sweat (maybe working out with her family?) instead of Pretty Fitness Barbie complete with perfect hair and makeup.
The only people who are pissed off about the "what's your excuse" are the people who make excuses instead of getting off their asses and getting shit done. Excuses are easy. Getting shit done is hard. If looking like that was easy, everyone would look like that.
It's a good thing we stopped talking about pretty girls dressed up like characters from tv/video games. Y'all, Shegirl is gonna burn this motherfucker down when she gets home...