And, I'd get to have sex with Margot Robbie. Although, I'm not sure if that would add or take away years from my life, but I also would not care. I can't remember which comedian said it, but it was something like: "Sure, smoking takes 10 years off your life, but it's the really crappy 10 at the end, anyway."
For $3.95 I am now eating steak in style, I found this in some consignment shop and it is made of deer horn.
I remember Denis Leary saying it in his "No Cure For Cancer" special, so it was probably originally Bill Hicks.
Wine could help prevent Alzheimer's, according to new study. Drink the wine to stave off the Alzheimer's. Follow it with coffee in the morning to rejuvenate the liver. Round everything off with bacon, weed, and Marlboro's. Fuck Jack LeLane, that dead ass old bitch.
Ah, the fat girl with high self-esteem. Gets me every time. Black Jesus, let's work: Right? Practically uncanny.
Read this, then wonder why the First World continues to have problems with "real" problems. Last one is for fun.
Enough with that bullshit already. We get it. There are fucking loser idiots out there. We know. But we don't care. Quit fucking pointing them out and making fun of them all the time because they're not worth wasting our time on. It's fucking juvenuile and annoying and not worth discussing. The only thing worse than being one of them is being an anti-one-of-them. Stick with tits and drinking and all that other mature shit.
Juice Edit: Nett already said, so it will be said again. Enough of the meme-y bullshit, and this goes for everyone. I know this is the WDT, but its not a Facebook news feed. Post something at least somewhat interesting/funny.
Well, we're getting dicksmacked by a blizzard today so I'm off work. Gotta still run to the drug store and get some cold meds though, as my whole family is sick and coughing. They're predicting 8-12 inches of snow, so it's just a matter of whether it is a dick move to buy alcohol with my cold medicine.
I would think if you're stuck with your family indoors for more than, say, 10 minutes, buying alcohol isn't a dick move. It's survival. Good luck with that shit.
Obviously, this is solid advice any father should give their son as they send them off to college. But, what about for a daughter? Same, I guess.
Does that mean that your dick is being smacked, or that you are being smacked with a dick? Also please keep that shit up there. I can't handle anymore snow this year.
We've been in the high 70's/low 80's for a couple of weeks. Everything is blooming and everyone is sick as hell from the pollen. Nowhere else I've ever lived have I had a problem with allergies. Here? I'm suffering along with everyone else.
I meant it as God is taking out his dick and smacking us with it. Walgreens was PACKED this morning, plus a long line of morons at the drive up pharmacy, who will be there until they're buried. The woman in front of me bought two cartons of cigarettes, and started her transaction with "oh thank god you're open! I ran out of smokes!" Suddenly I didn't feel so bad with my bottle of Captain.