If they offer you a flight to Syria, maybe pretend you have the flu. In other news, a glimpse of Anne Hathaway's pussy. Spoiler
Seriously why do female celebs keep doing this? I mean I get they should have a right to privacy but you would think they know the kind of jackals paparazzi are by now.
Jesus. I thought you were waiting to get launched into space on some sort of new entitlement program. In the civilian world, I think they call those flights "non-rev". Here's some music.... I guess I'll just BOOM ROAST myself in advance. I don't know why, but I can't find any pics anywhere of people having sex in space. WTF?
You say that as if a free-form spastic version of "the cabbage patch" wouldn't have choreographic grace.
yay ice machine hooked up beside my bed... surgery was uneventful - which is good. now i have to learn to do everything with my left hand. Wiping with the non-dominant hand is difficult.
Or....OR..... fuck with them to entertain yourself. You're laid up, is there anything better to do with your time? Watch the 9" television? Pretend the operation and the drugs involved gave you psychosis. Next time they serve you food, throw the full tray against they glass and shout that the goddamn lizard-demons won't stop that scratching at the window and they keep singing "The Song That Never Ends" over in over in children's voices. That'll bring a crowd.
no nurse. just me...it was a day surgery my boys are helping out with beverage service amd the like...which makes things easier. intubation is no fun...that part made my throat crazyyy sore. also - i'm definitely hopped on the painkillers...
Intubation. Is that when they stick a tube down your mouth, throat and into your stomach? This one time? In freshman Spanish class? A senior bet $20 bucks my freshman ass that I couldn't drink a vial of cinnamon oil and keep it down. I kept it down, but I wound up in the ER getting my stomach flushed to get it back out. Never forget that tube going down.
My poor little niece was born way, way too early and as a result was in the hospital for 11 months and intubated the majority of that time. It took a long ass time to get her over her oral aversion. They are still working on it, in fact. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the the thread down, that's just the only thing I can think of when I hear about intubations.
I'd rather be intubated than to have another catheter. Those are the worst things in the history of ever. Unrelated note: just got tickets to Book of Mormon for the wife and I. Also plan to rent a car service or a limo to drive us around that night, so we can get nice and shitfaced before going back to a hotel. We will convince our in-laws to watch the kid by telling them we are going to use the time to attempt to conceive a second child. This will be a blatant lie, but it will work. Vegas in January, long weekend in Chicago in May, Tennessee in July... lots of vacations and trips in the coming year.
My daughter was born three months early, she had the tube but in her nose instead of her mouth for about her first eight weeks in the hospital. They won't let a premature baby leave the hospital unlesss in can stay off all breathing and feeding equipment for 72 hours, so she was in there for over two months. She has a scar under her nostril from the tube. On a much lighter note-- Speaking of my daughter, guess what the little dickens did today? At first, her techer couldn't explain it to me because she was laughing too hard for the first three minutes or so. Well, she had an accident at school. No big deal, she's barely four and it happens. She told the teacher she "had something in her pants" and the teacher in an immense display of brain-fartedness asks "What do you have you pants, [daughter]?" in front of the 30-plus jr. kindergarten students. Well, Murphy's Law. Boom. My daughter drops her drawers in front of the whole class and shows "what she did". So, I had cardiac arrest from laughing. I guess shyness is not an issue for my kid at school
I might take the enema over another catheter. I suffer from Kidney Stones, frequently. I had a really big stone a few years ago, and they had to go in and break it up with lithotripsy. For those who don't know, that just means they put me out to break it up with sound waves. That all went well, but then I started to come out of the anesthesia in the post op room, and the nurse leans over me and asks if I can piss. I grunt something meant to be "are you fucking retarded?" because I am completely fucked up and I just had a stent taken out. It probably came out more like "gughahghghhguhhhh." She then says "well, if you can't urinate, I will have to put in a catheter, because you've got a lot of urine." I agree, I do have a lot of urine, and I feel like I haven't pissed in a week. Then I feel the 2nd worst pain I have ever felt. Repeatedly. Just stabbing, over and over. Needless to say, this has awoken me from my stupor, and I am now swearing profusely. Then I hear the nurse say "I couldn't get it in. It got stuck on something." The doctor walks over and says "oh, good lord, you can't be afraid to just jam it in!" Then I feel the same stabbing pain, I feel a bit of a pop, and then what felt like taking three morning pisses at once. Seriously, catheters are the worst.
There's not a stupor deep enough to negate the pain of a catheter. The bitch nurse that put mine in is luckky that I had a bottle of unisom and a bottle of vicoden in my system and my arms weren't working so well. Otherwise I would have hit a bitch. That shit was unpleasant.
Ha, "unpleasant." You're being polite. Your body definitely, definitely has strong opinions about something going the wrong way up your pee hole. I remember asking the nurses who were inserting my catheter how they would know when then got it in (oddly enough, they stuffed it in my vagina first). It went something like this: Me: "But, like, how do you know? I don't have a penis, so you're basically just sticking it in like two inches and GASP-" Nurses: "We know it's in because you made that sound." Ugh, hopefully I never have to feel that again.
How about colonoscopy with the anesthetic not really working? "Uhm, I'm still right here with you doc" "Give him another shot" 2 minutes later "Well...still here" The only thing the meds did is give me nausea during the procedure. And why the fuck does it have to snow again in this town? I was perfectly fine with some white spots here and there and otherwise completely free streets and sidewalks, especially in a city that is so poor that it seemingly can't afford to clear it's streets when it snows. One more year in this shithole and I'm gone.
I've managed to avoid getting a catheter in the three surgeries I've had in my life, but I'm going in for nasal surgery at the end of the month and this catheter talk is making me think about reconsidering.