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2013 Christmas/New Years Drunk Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Dec 7, 2012.

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  1. mya

    mya
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    Shut up and show me your tits.
     
    #1021 mya, Dec 23, 2012
  2. mya

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    Sigh, I think I have finally lost my mind. I responded to one of those stupid pro-gun things on facebook.

    And I am not even anti gun.

    In my defense it was dumb and had a grammatical error. What was I supposed to do?

    I guess I'll just sit back and wait for the gun brigade to try and verbally tar and feather me.
     
    #1022 mya, Dec 23, 2012
  3. CharlesJohnson

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    This is why I love the internet. Not just for the soul stealing pornography and the opportunities to fornicate with a stranger's mouth, but things like this:

    The Scientific Formula for Perfect Eggnog.

    Buying Eggnog is a crapshoot. Most of them have the consistency of cold whale jizz and eating a glass of Rocky Balboa's breakfast doesn't interest me in the slightest. Southern Comfort has one out. It is perfect. I also like the directions: "Add 1 cup of eggnog to 1 cup of booze."

    THIS is the meaning of Christmas. It's not about religion, or families, or charity, or helping one another. No, don't be stupid. It's about liquor, this right here. The way Baby Jesus intended before he beat Frazier in Zaire.
     
    #1023 CharlesJohnson, Dec 23, 2012
  4. jdoogie

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    Who wants to help me wrap my Christmas gear?
    To help spread the holiday cheer
    I'll even provide the beer
    So, please, someone volunteer!

    AKA; I don't want to wrap presents...
     
    #1024 jdoogie, Dec 23, 2012
  5. mya

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    I'll help.

    Place item in decorative bag....top with colorful tissue paper...VOILA!
     
    #1025 mya, Dec 23, 2012
  6. jdoogie

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    Perfect! Now I just need some decorative bags and some colorful tissue paper...

    Crap.

    Is wrapping stuff in old newspaper still acceptable?
     
    #1026 jdoogie, Dec 23, 2012
  7. mya

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    Let me consult pinterest. I think if you then stamp the newspaper with christmas tree, star, or santa shapes you cut out of an old sponge or potato, it is perfectly acceptable.
     
    #1027 mya, Dec 23, 2012
  8. CharlesJohnson

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    That is so lame. Who the hell wants to pull something out of a bag? I don't care how old you are, if you lost the joy of ripping apart wrapping paper then you are a broken human being.

    Newspaper was never acceptable unless you live in a trailer and shop at the Dollar Tree. Ironically, Dollar Tree sells wrapping paper. So does every grocery store and pharmacy in America.
     
    #1028 CharlesJohnson, Dec 23, 2012
  9. jdoogie

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    Actually, I have already gone out and bought the wrapping paper, the ribbon, and all that other crap, I'm just seemingly incapable of physically wrapping presents without them looking like they were assembled by some mongoloid retard.

    I understand the concepts of cutting, folding, angular retraction and all of that, but I just can't seem to put it into practice.
     
    #1029 jdoogie, Dec 23, 2012
  10. Nom Chompsky

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    Honorary TiBette

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    If you guys don't step it up with the posts, I'm going to be forced to interact with my family.
     
    #1030 Nom Chompsky, Dec 23, 2012
  11. Nom Chompsky

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    Or drink.
     
    #1031 Nom Chompsky, Dec 23, 2012
  12. Juice

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    Went to my parents house for dinner tonight. It was great until the awkward part where I accidentally made my mom cry, but I digress. They received a Christmas card from a family that at one point was good friends with ours, but kind of lost contact over the years for no particular reason. Here is what the Christmas card said verbatim:

    Happy Holidays everyone!

    We hope you're all doing well and having a great holiday season. Some big changes are happening on our end. Donna [the mother] and I are getting a divorce after 35 years of marriage and she is moving to North Carolina with the dog in January. The kids are handling it okay. In November my father died and we had to move my mother into an assisted living facility with 24 hour care. She was upset, but started coming around recently. Aaron [the son, my age] is working at Midas doing brake work and is loving it! He is getting married in the summer. Samantha [the daughter] is living with her boyfriend Theo and are having a baby in May.

    Hope things are well on your end, we should all catch up soon!

    Happy Holidays,

    Tim
     
    #1032 Juice, Dec 23, 2012
  13. Misanthropic

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    Since when is this relegated to a fallback option?
     
    #1033 Misanthropic, Dec 23, 2012
  14. Frank

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    Hey, why don't you come over here and drink some Jack Daniels with me you low life.
     
    #1034 Frank, Dec 23, 2012
  15. Nom Chompsky

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    Don't threaten me with a good time.
     
    #1035 Nom Chompsky, Dec 23, 2012
  16. Gravy

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    Man, you know you live in a strange part of the world when 3/5 attractive women you see in a day are Mennonites. Side note: dresses are sort of awesome.
     
    #1036 Gravy, Dec 23, 2012
  17. Nom Chompsky

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    I hear Thomas Jefferson also found 3/5 women attractive.
     
    #1037 Nom Chompsky, Dec 23, 2012
  18. downndirty

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    I gave myself a sad when I talked about all the Christmas capers I would pull with my father on Christmas Eve. Such gems as haggling with the liquor store clerk over the priciest bottle of VSOP, two cigars and the cheapest future hobo-vomit bottle he could find, shooting inflatable Christmas decorations, placing a half dozen inflatables inside someone's office or dorm room, peeing drunkenly on a cop's car while trying not to vomit from the smell at a fish market buying shrimp for my mother, driving the horse-drawn carriages crazy with a laser pointer, and generally being a merry, merry fuckhead.

    Oh, well...I have a bunny, cake and steak for dinner, and a long night ahead of me. Yay Korean Kristmas!
     
    #1038 downndirty, Dec 23, 2012
  19. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    If T.J. heard you poking fun at him like that he would turn over in his slave.
     
    #1039 Crown Royal, Dec 23, 2012
  20. The Village Idiot

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    Typical exchange:

    VIWife: "You need me to do anything for you today, besides pick up a Christmas Card for myself from you?"
    VI: "Uh, other than that, nope."
    VIWife: "..."
    VI: "You're not getting the card, are you?"
     
    #1040 The Village Idiot, Dec 23, 2012
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