I'm glad it's just me, the wife and our kids for Christmas. My mother has managed to piss off my sister and me to point of estrangement, so I hope she has a nice holiday in the nursing home lying in the bed she made for herself. My in-laws were here in May for graduations, and the trip wasn't an easy one for them (she's almost 80 with Alzheimer's and a habit of falling, and he's 84 and her primary caregiver) so they're not traveling anymore. So, the only thing we have to deal with this year is the sibling bickering of our offspring, so it'll be just like any other day, but with gifts and a pit-smoked ham.
My wife and I have a strange food ararngement with family this time of year. She hates turkey, my parents serve turkey. I hate ham, her parents serve ham. It splits it evenly. 36 is the new 32, which is the new 35. Everyone wants to be 35.
How do you hate ham? Yet everybody seems to which results in a hamless holiday for me. But yeah, I miss the "fun" (dysFUNction) of it too.
I don't know. I love bacon and pork, but ham tastes flavourless and mean to me. Any variety of it. You could glaze it with the cum of God, it will still taste like paper. I'll palate it, but never eat it voluntarily.
A friend of ours has hated ham since the time he was a kid and threw up after eating it. Hasn't been able to eat it since. I love ham and the ham sandwiches that I make in the days following Christmas. Delicious.
Were doing nothing for Christmas. I'm ok with that. The kids are opening their gifts next weekend, and baby girl is going to her dads side of the family tomorrow. Other than that its really low key.
I haven't been around my family for fuckin years at the holidays, and I think we're all better for it. I've spent the holidays with friends' families, which keeps me from getting shitty.
We've pretty much come to that, since teachers have been forbidden by law to use red pens to grade tests because a big, bad, mean ol' red "X" is just too much for such a frail, innocent mind. Can you imagine if a child actually thought they got an answer wrong? It would anarchy, looting and rape everywhere you look. We must teach them that there is nothing wrong with anything, that everything they say is right, and that there are no wrong answers. And we need forced prayer in school. According to experts, it makes humans bulletproof.
I am on Day 1 of visiting the folks for Christmas. This year seems to have timed my PMS with a healthy round of menopausal crazy from my mom. After the first of what promises to be four turkey dinners in a row, I've had the pleasure of hearing a 90 minute diatribe about how my dad's family thinks of my mom as a slave because she's Chinese. Well, fuck. I'm not saying she's wrong, because white grandma IS a raging racist, but this has been going on for over 40 years. Nothing is going to change at this point. Just deal with it. Granny will be dead before you know it and we can all move on. The fact that my parents subscribe to a dry household is not making this process easier.
Boo dry households! Everyone is tipsy downstairs. So far I've heard about how mr vieter was ''always jealous of my roter'' and how we ruined the family vacations when we were children because we wanted to go swimming instead of visiting old battle grounds and distilleries (we were too young to go inside). There was also something about monkey bums, I don't even know. I think we need to drink more and then play taboo. Maybe someone can top my description of a zipper: ''you use this to close the thing on your legs'' while patting my pelvis. I'm sure it is boring family crap to you guys, so I'll stop. It's been a fun visit for me though.
After years of feeling shitty during the holidays I eventually emerged with a very strict plan for how I deal with them. Christmas Eve is with my wife's family. Exchange some presents with them (that my wife handles getting), eat some good food, etc. Christmas Morning we do breakfast with my folks. We've finally dispensed with most gift giving on my side so it's just some food and chat. Then, as the morning ends my wife and I head out to spend the rest of the day with friends. First a movie, then Chinese food, then back to our place to hang out. At some point she and I exchange the presents we've gotten for each other. Total time spent with family, both sides combined: ~5 hours. Holidays are much more bearable since this became the tradition.
This. The sandwiches on seeded rye bread with a good n' spicy German mustard. And the pea soup made with the hambone. And diced ham with gruyere for an omlette. I'd be a lousy Jew.
Tomorrow we send our daughter to the sitter's so I can set up her dress-up closet for next morning. And NO, this is NOT a "Santa gift". Fuck that kudos-stealing voyeur, he's not taking credit for our best shit. Just out of curiosity, is there a board member who's mother DOESN'T require perscription meds over the holidays?
So we're watching Python. Awful, awful movie but stellar cast. Will, the son from Star Trek, the daughter from the first Vacation, the bad guy in the original Karate Kid, Freddy Kreuger!, Jenny McCarthy, Casper Van Dien, one of the McPoyle brothers from It's Always Sunny. The sheer cast alone should have carried this movie. It really does suck, though good for some laughs and some "Hey, look who it is!" moments.
Somewhat surprisingly, mine. My dad's another story, though. Imagine TX's mom having a meltdown over the sticking cake, except this time it's about the cake falling off the plate onto a seat, or the car tires going on the grass as you back out. And it's a 56 year old man having a tantrum unbecoming of a 2 year old. And then we come around to the reason my mom married him. There aren't any obvious symptoms needing medication (dad's doc should have put him on a beta blocker or prazosin instead of hydrochlorothiazide and valsartan), but there's a need for some therapy and everyone in the family to tell him this is all unacceptable behaviour. Maybe I'm getting jaded to old people in general, but I'm starting to realize a lot of my aunts and uncles are crazy, racists and conspiracy theorists. They all seem like nice people, but... -referring to Obama as "that President Bin Laden guy who got elected". Not even as an insult or diatribe against the guy. Just trying to crack a joke -waxing eloquently about how "I've never met an unpleasant Philipino" because, oh, maybe they came from poverty and $20 here is a month's salary over there and they're just so darned glad to have something -Anti-vaccination -IED jokes -"well it might not be politically correct to say and some people will get all up in arms but it's a historical fact" -"Did you get to go downtown while you were in Germany?" Tomorrow begins two days of Italian eating and discussion. The offensive stupid comments will get worse, I'm sure, but at least there will be good food.