2013 Christmas/New Years Drunk Thread

If only I was solo.

I'm actually at my parents', they just haven't celebrated Christmas since I was like 10 or 11.

Surprisingly enough, I cared a lot at first, then not at all, now I'm just bored on the 25th because everybody is always busy. Plus any time I have more than one beer (literally), my mother starts fretting as though I'm gonna start puking everywhere.

"You're having beer after beer!"

"That's two beers."

 

I didn't realize you were one of the Jacksons.

 

Dude, next Christmas my family will totally adopt you. We don't go big by any means, but we will at least let you drink in peace.

We don't even do holiday pictures, so you won't be forced to stand awkwardly in the background wondering whether you should squeeze in or not.

 

The most hilarious part is that after a decade and a half of not celebrating at his insistence, my father suggested a present we could get him.

I think I'm getting boned here.

Spoiler

I love my parents, they're great etc, it's just funny to me. FWIW, if I asked for something, he'd probably just give me the money, I just find it silly that he has suddenly begun requesting gifts

 

It sucks that I've been sick and can't eat like a king like I should be doing.

Oh well, I now have rum. At least I can drink like a Hemmingway, you feel me Black Jesus?

I think a Papa Daq might be an order.

 

Big feed of Christmas lunch leftovers for breakfast and now watching the cricket with my dad and a mate, runs down range.

 

Do the real Papa Doble if you can. 3 ounces white rum, 1 ounce grapefruit, 1 ounce lime, drizzle of maraschino (triple sec works), blend it with a goblet of ice. It should look like the best slushee ever. No sugar because you can't drink 16 in a sitting with that much sugar.

I've been reading Jim Harrison's The Raw and the Cooked all day (he wrote Legends of the Fall). It's a nonfiction about this goutish mother fucker stuffing his face. Does not help on holiday gluttony day. Reads like Bourdain's work, but with less of a point. It really is just a list of the places and things he ate.

 

Ahh, Christmas with the inlaws. Half are drunkenly slurring their words (while asking to hold my daughter...) and the other half is bitching about the drunk half. Good thing this house is tiny, so we can cram 22 people in a room that would feel cramped seating 5. Yay inlaw Christmas!

 

In-laws got me a bowie knife for xmas. It looks badass, but... what's the purpose/use of a bowie knife? Knife fighting? Looking like a badass? Maybe it's because they think I have a small penis?

I can't use it to skin a deer because it is too big, but I can't use it to chop down trees because it is too small. What do you do with it?

 

.....We're brothers?

 

ME just plate drinking game and I lost,

Nom you can come to my house,gravy too because y'all are saaersm.

Goddam I am hammers.

Edit; motherfucking autocorrect can eat my period clumps.

 

Perfect Christmas today with just my husband, me, kitties and puppy dogs. We opened gifts, I cooked up a feast, napped, played with the pets, did some internet shopping with my money/gift cards received. It was lovely.

Quick, somebody make a passive aggressive comment or get drunk and fall down so I don't forget what the holidays are REALLY about.

 

This town's starting to liven up, eh?

I have no idea what to buy with my Amazon gift card. I want music, but whenever I actually have the funds to buy it, my mind goes blank.

 

I will pretend to be your mom:

You probably have so many pets because you don't want to give me grandchild,ren./ WahH Why do you hate me so much?!

(Marry Christmas and I love you, mya. Just poking fun at our silly grandchildren-hungry moms. )

 

Well, I happened to go on an amazon music spree earlier today. And I can safely say, as a middle aged white woman, your best bet is Kendrick Lamar: Good Kid, M.A.A.D City. It is a $3.99 digital download and probably the best album I have heard this year.