2013 Christmas/New Years Drunk Thread

What a fantastic Christmas. My whole family was sick and my mother was laid out on the couch with three broken ribs and a concussion because the dog pulled her off the front porch. It certainly didn't feel like Christmas at all. The good news was that Trader Joe's vintage ale kept me warm. $5 for a large bottle and weighing in at around 10% abv, I can be feeling good for $20.

 

Its the best day of the year! Christmas is as far away as it will be all year.

 

There was a commercial playing Christmas music on this morning, I almost punched the TV off the table.

 

If my mother makes one more off-handed "helpful" criticism of me, I'm going to stab her in the face.

 

Also, as an addendum, having a woman who was integral to teh creation of a neutrino detector at the South Pole dancing and feeling up your wife to Wham's "Last Christmas" is a mind fuck.

It is a stark reminder that scientists do know how to get down.

 

Hello, sister-from-another-mother!


In unrelated news, I am still not finished with my Christmas shopping. Thankfully, I don't see The Dude until the 30th, so I have about 15 minutes to order something from Amazon so it'll show up by then.

I hate this holiday.

Edit: actually, no. I like giving gifts. I just don't like the guesswork involved in picking something out. If only it were required that everyone have an amazon wish list...

 

Anal sex.

It is the gift that keeps on giving.

(girls like not s-h-i-t-ing right for a week, right?)

 

I'll happily trade for the mother in law whose one helpful addition to visiting for five days has been to cut four artichokes in half. And then brag about how she helped make dinner.

They're fucking artichokes, lady, it's not like you split an atom.

Anyone up for a TiB relative swap?

 

Our system is pretty simple: No list = No gifts. It really cuts a lot of stress out.

 

I just shared one of those with my dad. It kicks like a mule.

Well, maybe the three vodka (Wyborowa, before you lot start accusing me of drinking shit, like Smirnoff) and coke zeros helped...

 

Tomorrow, America!

I will be in New Orleans, then Nashville, then New Orleans again, possibly via something else in the middle. Time to bring bourbon til I burst.

 

I throw glitter at people too, but usually only when I'm casting a gumdrop spell on one of the evil trolls trying to destroy hy home of Sugarplumland. My fellow sprites then have more time to dance gayley around the maypole.

Somebody in the U.S. stole my credit card number today and tried to use it but some saint-like hawk caught on that it didn't seem like a purchase I'd make and reported it to me. Whoever you are, thanks. And to my American friends, if you ever meet a credit card theif, you have my permission to slit them from neck to nuts with a sod knife. A have such a knife, I'll happily FedEx it to you.

 

I broke away from drinking my Scotch neat by a friend who swore just two ice cubes would make it that much smoother, which it did.


It also broke up the viscosity and flavor, which I wasn't a fan of. It also masked some of the more subtle notes you would find in a premium blend.

I also don't care enough to buy Whiskey Rocks. Fuck you, if I'm paying a premium price, I shouldn't need ice.

 

I feel sorry for all you guys with fucked up families. The side that I'm close to isn't perfect, but no-one's been hateful. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to enjoy my talking Batman birthday card the Lady-type person gave to me for my b-day...

 

We have our own bourbon here, you know. It can be purchased at liquor stores, grocery stores, convenience stores, gas stations, well, you get the point. Have fun.

 

I would've got away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

 

My family stuff all went swimmingly this year. I just wish I wasn't so weak from being sick, my daughter had a fantastic Christmas and I've never seen her have more fun than the last few days.

Of crouse, I would be having fun too If I had a BatGirl costume of my own to romp around the house in.

 

I had that happen to me recently. Luckily Capital One was on that and caught it in minutes. The thief did some test transactions with Rhapsody and itunes and then a pair of 99.99 itunes buys. Little did they know I am the worst possible person to impersonate in order to buy music since I don't really listen to it and, bam, instant fraud detection.

Wasn't even too much of a hassle, they sent out new cards and I had to change over various automatic bill pays, but considering how bad it could be, not too shabby. They earned their keep. Oh yeah, and they took the charges off the account, naturally.

And yet, despite how painless it was, I still kind of want to kick the thief in the nuts for it.

 

Anybody else employ the "this shit might not be horrible together" method of cooking? Right now I'm browning some burger with intentions of adding tomato paste a can of chili tomatoes some seasoning a shit ton of cheese and noodles then baking the whole mess. Heres hoping it doesn't suck.