Oh hell no you don't! If the heartless bastards of the board didn't take any of mine, there is no way in FUCK you get to pawn off your measly one. I wont stand for it!
Yeah, its called a heavy dose of growing up and moving out. Honestly individually they're not that bad. Its just the three of them feed off eachother and I watch them by myself so I get spread thin.
I only have one and she's wild enough for me. Every time I think that it might be nice to have another one she starts being a little shit to remind me how hard just one is. So hats off to you sir. Really she's a sweet kid but some days she tests what little patience I have. My husband makes fun of us for bickering constantly. Yes, I bicker with a 15 month old. She usually wins. She skipped her afternoon nap and is in bed an hour early tonight so I'm going to pour myself a margarita.
Other things today witnessed on "Skull And Bones Road": -Going the other way in Milton two tractor trailers had knifed together and blocked the entire Eastbown traffic into Kitchener. That's forty miles of stopped traffic I drove past in sleat. -That was about the time BJ & The Bear decided to drive Forty-five tons of loaded car carrier straight up my ass. I don't think my pulse was below 100 for about three straight hours today while my daughter snored like a Husqvarna the entire time. -Saw a tracker (4 x4 like you said) filled with a very familiar smoke hydroplane on the ice wall in between the lanes, skim the barricade in a boomerang swing and then skid magically back into perfect form 100 yards in front of us. Think anybody peed their pothead pants in the flaming faggortymobile up there? -All fucking KINDS of macho How Dare You Drive Faster Than Me I'll Show You borderline road-rage bullshit that endangers EVERYBODY around them. Like getting home 15 minutes by pulling an Against All Odds makes you the supercool guy.
Admit it, there's a shared ingredient in your margarita and her bedtime milk. If I had a kid that sucker would be hooked up to a Nyquil drip. Every day after school I'd drive him by the local nunnery, waving the pre-written "Dear sisters, please take this bundle of joy" letter I'd staple to his sweater. God forbid I have a daughter. She'll no doubt want to do stuff like ballet, dance, something, which would later expose her to boys. When she's 4 I'll show her "Black Swan", nudging her every 30 minutes, "Is this what you want?!?! You're going to turn into a fucking bird, go crazy, and stab yourself with broken glass! Look at her feet, you'll be disfigured. DISFIGURED!" You know what would tire a daughter out? Hook her up to the yoke and get a head start on the spring vegetable garden. Make her strong like plow horse. It's cool, if the cops come just tell them you're Russian and "daughter need strong back and many fat to find good husband, withstand Chechyan winter." Bonus points as no one is taking advantage of a girl with 60 inch lats. Everyone wins. Yeah, whatever. Look at me weird. Apparently you all skipped that Dr. Spock chapter.
I feel like two is the magic number. One child can have uninterrupted tantrums for hours because they don't have a peer around to make fun of them or distract them from their idiocy. And three kids can gang up and get into a sort of mob mentality, which decreases the effectiveness of discipline and warnings given. But two is the sweet spot, in my opinion. Even if they don't get along, they "police" each other and reduce cling factor by 50%. I watched ten 5th grade (some were 6th, though) boys last night and even my meanest of Nanny Looks and Stern Voices wasn't enough. I got enough backtalk to last me a lifetime. In contrast, the little one had a buddy over and they played nicely together with glitter (not my preference, but whatever) until the friend left. As soon as the friend left, though, she went right back to being crawled up my ass. Grrrrrr. So...for those of you at home doing the math, I watched twelve kids last night. I wanted to have glass of wine when I got home, but I passed out in my clothes instead. I don't know how a catholic mother stays awake past 6:30 PM.
I won the margarita mix I'm drinking tonight and two redneck margarita glasses in our family Christmas grab bag. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a redneck margarita glass. My aunt made them herself. How ridiculous.
My daughter does ballet, but "ballet" at that age translates to "spin until you drunkenly spill headlong into the granite block walls". It's still fun for them. She chose hockey over figure skates, though. You can cut a boy's balls off with the blade of either. You just have to pull and hack hard enough. I'm kind of looking forward to interviewing her first date. I wonder if he'll feel intimidated by me rubbing a butterfly knife against my groin during the ol' face-to-face. Maybe he'll feel intimidated regardless since we'll be living in a cave made of skulls.
I'm currently experiencing the drunk of real moonshine. Holy fuck. This is one of the greatest drunks I've ever had. I will now parlay this drunk into 2nd date part 2 (as we went to brunch earlier today) and go see Silver Linings Playbook. You all are experiencing one of the winningest weekends of Parker's life right here, this is fucking history. You all should feel honored. I've put together a chain of wins so winning, Charlie Sheen would be jealous and say I have Liger blood in my vains. Yes I'm drunk enough to type that sentence seriously. Yes.
Dude you are pimp! Taking a girl you are trying to get to know, to an activity where talking isn't allowed sounds like an awesome plan!
You are completely forgetting the discussion before and after the movie. Also the fact you can play the game where you say "If someone kisses in the movie, we kiss." It works out pretty well.
My ex-girlfriend once suggested we go to the Indy car race one year. She was reasonably into cars, I was reasonably into car racing, and she thought it would be cute that we go together. Know what a great way to spend a day with your girlfriend is? A day where you have earplugs in all day long.
I thought this was going to turn into a joke anout black people being loud in the movie theater, making this a non-issue. If drinking moonshine and making out at the movies is your best weekend ever, I had your best weekend when I was 15. Maybe a little better weekend, because I think I got a hand job at the movie too!
Ok I like making fun of Parker as much as anybody. Because I like making fun of people, and Ballsack has been a dead horse since the days of the RMMB. But why is Parker the new board whipping boy? I mean I get he had the temerity to be happy that a girl said she enjoyed commitment free sex with him. (The fiend) But is he such low hanging fruit that it merits ignoring a board member with a sister well on her way to porn stardom? I mean damn it's not like he's an admitted brony or anything.
The other week at work, somebody asked a female co-worker about the "larger sizes available" sign we keep next to the box of free condoms. Said co-worker did not handle the request well, as we didn't have a box of the larger sizes available onhand (they were in the warehouse). The individual who asked left feeling quite embarrassed, and the co-worker felt very bad about embarrassing him over a legitimate request. "Hey," I said, trying to cheer her up, "don't feel too bad for him". And that's why we make fun of Parker.