I think it took my dad about thirty years to figure out how much and how badly my sisters took him for a ride throughout their lives. And this is a guy who would take any and every opportunity to point out how nobody could bullshit him or could ever get one over on him. Sure, dad. Suuuuuuuuuuuure.
I was going to stay up tonight to clean house. Instead I'm watching Forrest Gump. This reminds me of high school, going on road trips (not boozing cruising or whatever other things you assholes call it) with my best friend and her boyfriend. He was drunk in the backseat and as we passed one of his family's fields he was telling us how he named all his cows Jenny. There's a reason I'm drinkgin out of a mason jar adhered to a candle stick tonight. Son of a bitch.
No! Once at Walmart he acted like he was Lieutenant Dan hiding in the clothes racks. Did I mention that I'm from a town so small that you have to drive 30 miles to get to a Walmart? Sometimes the fun thing to do was go to Walmart and Taco Bell. We used to hang out in the school parking lot. Maybe I should shut up now. At least I recognize The Princess Bride references.
I can win the my town is smaller than your town battle, but that is like being the prettiest waitress at Denny's.
! I've recently learned that Gravy doesn't know who Steel Panther is. Crown, help me out here. ETA: That video is edited. Dong?! What the hell. I'm too lazy to keep searching for an unedited one, so make due.
Damnit, you guys just had to post up those Steel Panther videos. Now I have figured out that with just a little planning I could attend one of their January 2013 shows in LA. I am too damn old to be going to metal shows, but these guys look like it would be too much fun to miss. I blame/thank all of you.
At times they will refuse to continue playing if the girls don't get their tits out so get a good view near the front and watch backwards sometimes.
I think I need to stop drinking for a spell. Twice this weekend I have drank an entire liter (or litre, for our Canadian friends) of vodka, and not been shitty. Time to lower the old tolerance.
I'm not going to lie. My husband made me go to bed. We had some fun and he fell asleep. I tried to wake him up for more fun and was turned down. I went to my underwear drawer to pull out a certain tool that is useful in such situations. The batteries are dead. Apparently the motherfucker takes AAA batteries, of which we have none in the house. So, rant: no vibrator. Rave: use it so rarely that I don't keep the appropriate batteries on hand.
We played Smear the Queer daily in the fifth grade. Once a kid's arm got broken, and we all got called to the office to discuss the game. Naturally, given the violent nature of the game and its poor suitability for the playground, we were told to change the name. We switched to "Kill the Clown" and was back at it the next day with no protests from the faculty. So, for those of you keeping score at home: Playing game involving full-speed tackling without pads and with deliberate intent to maim or injure = OK Doing same while using homophobic terms = Not OK Doing same while advocating violence towards children's entertainment professionals = Apparently also OK
Funny, I was just logging into the board when I had the thought "Of course we talked during the movie, I'm black." If you've seen it, the movies begs it. It is hilarious. Anyway, no the entire weekend consisted of more, its the fact everything I've planned went off perfectly. She told me our first date blew a lot of her previous dates out of the water (Yes I know fuckers, she's lying to me of course, god forbid I receive a compliment and people don't get butthurt because they haven't). Then our second date was this morning for brunch, where we sat and talked for about 4 hours. Then I hit her up later sameday after a friends birthday dinner at Dragon Ranch BBQ and Moonshine, where we went to see the movies. She was so excited to see me again, and she did that thing where she'd just look at me and smile. That is a fucking awesome feeling. This is the first time in years where I've had a typical, clear shot with a girl. No back tracking from awkward drunk post-bar sex, no retarded staged friend hookup...etc. I luckily sat next to her at my other friends birthday dinner, and I'm simply going through the basics. Completely by the books courtship, which is exciting in its own right because I haven't done this in the LONGEST time. The FWB thing started with drunk sex, the semi-serious fucked up relationship before that was meeting up again with a girl from H.S. who ended up being a psycho. Right now, this is like getting up to bat with a clear count, and a 100% fair umpire. I've never had a clean shot like this to knock it out the park and so far its going great, I'm killing it and she is pretty awesome as well. Oh and Spoiler Let's not forget my cock was crafted by Hephaestus himself.
I cannot wait for the Vikes to shit down the throats of the Packers tomorrow. Yes, it is going to happen. Also, I wish that just once I could find a topic here where the opinion I share hasn't been overly covered already. Also, I'm drunker than usual. I believe these to be the best bagpipes ever.
I've mentioned this here before, but honey, you have built-in vibrators. No batteries required...ever. You can even take them through airport security without the staff giggling at the x-ray machine. Hi Abby, meet your fingers. You're welcome.
Yeah, but I'm apparently retarded in that department. Can't get myself off for the life of me. I'd make a terrible lesbian.