Sorry, I only read the quote of the quote. So he's alone, doesn't care for women, booze and excess, outdoor stuff, cooking. Hmmm. May I suggest a portable surgical kit to aid in his spree killings?
Christ. Imagine buying him that and one of the tickets won him a million bucks. While my wife had him on the phone, hearing that good news, I'd already be greasing myself in vegetable oil with a knife between my teeth ready to slither into any open crack in his house to retrieve the winning ticket, taking out whoever might get in my way. Get the guy an erotic cake. Who doesn't like cake?
The coolest gift I ever got my husband, because he is an astronomy fan, was a chunk of meteorite. It's pretty badass to have a chunk from outer space displayed in your living room or wherever. The ones with the Widmanstätten patterns are especially cool: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/171103662276?lpid=82" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/171103662276?lpid=82</a>
The gift that I'm most excited about giving this year is to someone on the board, so I can't go into detail until after they get it. But, I've been giggling about it for weeks now. I cannot wait. I always have trouble deciding on a gift for my dad. Picking out gifts for dudes is the worst. At least with girls there are endless options for a lot more categories, so that even if I get a female friend a necklace every year at least it's a different gift. I always feel like my options have been exhausted for my dad and his dude interests - especially since I have such a limited budget. I asked him for some ideas and I got him one of the books he asked for, but I still really want to come up with something on my own. I've been thinking of maybe getting him something related to biking. He rides his bike every single day unless it's raining, snowing, or way too fucking cold to leave the house. But, the thing is, I don't like bikes, I don't ride bikes, and I know absolutely nothing about bikes. Do I get him a little basket with plastic flowers all over it? A baseball card to stick in the wheel? Anyway: are there any cool biking accessories that someone would be excited to get? He mostly bikes along this trail through my hometown, and also up in the mountains near where we live (but not really hardcore mountain biking since he's old and all). He's a photographer - so is there something to make your camera easily accessible while biking or something? Or for binoculars? Some kind of gadget that tracks how long your trip was and how fast you were going or whatever? He loves him some gadgets. I'm just trying to avoid going into a bike shop in Brooklyn and asking someone who works there for a suggestion because I get upset even thinking about it.
Derp. I read all the things he doesn't do and must have glazed over. I don't know what your budget is... You could get him a GPS watch, which would let him upload all of his trips into a website and you can look at all kinds of data about the trip, like maps or how long or how fast. I have a Garmin Forerunner 110. You could get him a sling style bag, which makes it easier to get at your camera quickly without taking off the pack: <a class="postlink" href="http://store.lowepro.com/slingshot-102-aw" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://store.lowepro.com/slingshot-102-aw</a> If he's still using the stock camera strap that came with his camera (it'll be printed with the camera brand), do his old shoulders a favor and buy him a nice camera strap, like the Luma Labs Cinch which I took all over Africa this year and liked a lot - good for a biker, too, since you can cinch it tight to carry and pull it loose for shooting: <a class="postlink" href="http://luma-labs.com/pages/cinch" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://luma-labs.com/pages/cinch</a>
A former coworker of my wife's won $1 million from a scratch off. He has no kids and his wife owns a very successful accounting firm, so I was glad to see it going to someone who needs it. Now, instead of going to Ireland for a week each year to play golf, they go to both Ireland and Scotland each for a week to play.
It's tough to buy for someone who really doesn't do very much. I like the chunk of meteorite idea that CurrerBell posted. The Mrsanthropic decided to go with a food gift, since he doesn't cook, and will rarely go to the store and buy actual, uncooked produce. If she changes her mind, meteorite it is. I hope he enjoys his asparagus-of-the-month club.
Maybe you can find some kind of package deal where a nice Asian girl will go over to his house, cook him some pad thai, then give him a massage with a happy ending?
Focus: I plan on getting my dad an espro press. He loves coffee and I hear this thing is the perfect combo of pour over and french press coffee. He'll go nuts for it. <a class="postlink" href="http://espro.ca/espro-press/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://espro.ca/espro-press/</a> For my brother, I'll get him some clothes and be done with it. As for my mom, my brother and I need to chat. We'll probably get her a Nordstrom gift card. She'll love it. Alt. Focus: I want to get the girlfriend a tablet, as she will not stop talking about them. However, I'm not a tech guy so I need some help. How many gigs would you all recommend if she's mostly using it to read books, watch movies, surf the internet, maybe a few games, etc.? I do not imagine that she will put many photos or music on a tablet. Also, what tablet would you recommend?
I like smaller tablets, the 10" ones require two hands to be really comfortable. The 7" tablets are a little easier to manage with one hand and are a little more portable. Also, you can replace the word "tablet" with "penis" in the preceding sentence and have a little chuckle. If she's watching movies at home, they don't really need to be all stored on the tablet... wherever you're getting them from. So you can get a 16gb model. If she wants to watch them on the go, a 32gb model will be better. I like the new Nexus 7, it's cheaper than the equivalent iPad...
Since he's 50, you can get him a gift certificate for a colonoscopy. Or, I hear Scotchcrotch has a piece of art he's looking to part ways with.
Get him a shaving kit. Depending on what you want to pay it could be as simple as a safety razor or as elaborate as a straight razor and strop. You might want to feel him out on the straight razor. It's the best shave but kind of tricky and time consuming.
I'm sure there are all sorts of nifty handlebar accessories. Here's a cheap phone/gps mount <a class="postlink" href="http://www.amazon.com/GreatShield-Clip-Grip-Handlebar-iPhones-smartphones/dp/B00FA892IS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1386464039&sr=8-2&keywords=handlebar+bicycle+gps" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.amazon.com/GreatShield-Clip- ... icycle+gps</a> And a nice, bicycle intended gps: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-Edge-GPS-Enabled-Cycling-Computer/dp/B0041O5X8A/ref=sr_1_4?s=gps&ie=UTF8&qid=1386464204&sr=1-4&keywords=handlebar+bicycle+gps" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-Edge-GPS-E ... icycle+gps</a>
So I'm pretty new to the whole gift-giving thing, I only started giving gifts to my brother and sister for Christmas and their birthdays. I was recently given several spent GAU-8 30mm shells and a dummy round as well. My brother is really big into military history and guns. I sanded it down one of the spent shells, polished it and got it looking this shiny (that isn't a picture of the one I did, I Google it just to give an idea) and then had it laser-etched. Wish I had taken pictures. I also sent him a second shell that I didn't alter so he'll have that too. I think I did pretty good with those. My sister, I have no clue what I'm doing for her. She is kind of a boring person, and most of my gifts to her have been gift cards, I try to personalize it with a card, but I feel bad sending my brother cool shit that he actually likes and her getting thoughtless shit. I'll probably just try and get her a souvenir from somewhere here in Germany, what I don't know. Maybe a stein or something.
Confidential to Iwantjuice: Whether you were serious in your rep or just busting my chops, my answer is: Suck it, Trebek!
I got the nexus 7 last christmas and I love it. I think the 10"would be unweildy. However, if you need to save some money, they are discontinuing the nooks which are now $79 I think. They are fully android and my husband loves his, tho he had to jailbreak his since they were not always unlocked.