1) Shit is going down in and around Chicago. Couple of tornados, and incredibly high wind. Hanging out with the kid in the basement, good times. 2) I would do virtually anything to get with Jennifer Lawrence. I didn't know she was on the table during that Katy Perry/Emma Watson discussion, cause Jennifer Lawrence wins.
I agree 100% with Jennifer Lawrence's fans, she could melt butter on that ass. However, I can think of one girl I would kick her out of bed for. Just one-
I would also like to fuck Lady Gaga. I don't know why, and I hate myself for it, but I think she would be fun in the sack.
Has anybody been to a house where you want to ask the owner "Why would you own a pet like that?" I'm over at a co-workers place and he tells me to check out what's inside a Rubbermaid tub in his living room. I look inside to see a nearly perfectly round florescent green frog bigger than my fist sitting perfectly still in two-inch deep water. "Dude, that thing is insane-looking. What is it?" He says its an African Bullfrog. "Put your hand near him." As soon as I get near him, this thing lunges like a missle with a huge mouth open, chomping at me like a hungry Doberman. Then, it starts hissing like Tony Clifton. "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT BEAST!?!?!" Seriosuly, this was the most feisty amphibian I've ever seen. It was like a little aquatic guard dog, yapping and snarling like a buzzsaw the thing was fucking Luciferic. Then, he showed me a laceration on his hand when he let it bite him that looked like he was attacked by a 200 lb. retarded kid. So back to my question, why own such a demonic animal? Things like this, snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, etc. certainly are not companion animals and they 99% of the time scare the shit of women so WHY? Guilty Party: Spoiler ...it eats mice, rats... and smaller frogs and toads.
Someone wants to feel special and unique. So they get an animal incapable of domestication ("just like me lol!"). Like, say, a 20 pound monitor lizard with razor teeth. Then when they get tired of feeding it rats to keep it quiet, they release it 20 minutes out west where it finds a mate; which that animal was also released by a lazy neckbeard with a dick recessed into their fupa. The reptiles then make beautiful babies and slaughter indigenous species in a protected, volatile wetland. See also: pythons. You know how you domesticate things like that? You overfeed them. As soon as it misses a feeding, they'll probably revert right back to eyeing your dog suspiciously. Some of them can be handled, but you have to handle them every day. I know this because the sweaty neckbeard that lived in my garage apartment for years was almost a lizard hoarder. Instead of rent he'd buy exotic reptiles. Which he would then drone on about to anyone in ear shot like a 5 year old that just got a bike. Dude bought a small little Tegu. Which is a member of the the monitor family. Tamable. Sort of. However, this guy couldn't consistently wipe his ass unless someone told him so this 3 ounce lizard grew to be a 3 foot long, lightning fast muscle that could crack chicken bones. Thing went APESHIT if someone opened the lid of its cage. Forget handling it. Same guy also thought it was hilarious when he released an iguana into the back yard when he got bored of caring for it. He also let another critter starve to death because he couldn't be fucked to feed it cat food sitting on my counter. Damn thing died clinging to the side of its nylon cage. Stayed there too for about 3 weeks. "Oh, I think it's dead. I'll bury it soon." This guy's goal is to have kids. I hope he burns to death.
Did anyone else see this? Spoiler Why? Why would someone do that? SGEDIT: HOLY SHIT!!!! MUST. SPOILER. SPIDER. BANNED!!!!!! Christ, now I wanna go home.
You know shegirl will kill you for that, right? Here's my feelings on it: SGEDIT: If I could I would. I can't shake off the creepy.
OMG HAPPYFUNBALL. NOT COOL. NOT COOL. NOT COOL. Aaaaaand Rob Ford announced today that he wants to be Prime Minister.
He may have eaten a smaller toad a year or so ago during a drunken stupor, but you're blowing this way out of proportion.