Dear CFIA Cunt: Thanks for your phone call today. Thanks for letting your intro be "I don't know why you sent me this question" but immediately following it up with "but since I'm an expert in this area"... That's exactly why I contacted you, idiot. Because you're an alleged expert. Although you'd never know it, considering all you did was regurgitate your own fucking website. I particularly like how, after you called me to complain about having to call me, you then complained that my end of the phone was too noisy and that I "should have been sitting in a quieter area" when I accepted your call. Your information was also SUPER helpful. "Why don't you just roll the dice and risk a recall" is EXACTLY what I was hoping to pass along to my customer. Die in a fire, you bitch. Sincerely, Me.
Female equivalent: Epicure. Although to be fair I DO like their products. When I lived in my first apartment with my best friend, another friend tried to paint us into a corner one night and brought over his Amway boss to try and con is into working for their shit pyramid scheme. This guy was wearing a suit that looked like he stole it from the Don Knott's Three's Company wardrobe. For the longest hour of our life this knob tried to schmooze us into becoming "sales associates" for him, interrupting himself to ask us at five different times "You guys would like to be MILLIONAIRES, wouldn't you?" You can't make this shit up. We didn't speak to that friend for five years specifically because of that incident. It was EXCRUTIATING.
Well at least he used his hair while he had it. As everyone had told me. Im not going bald yet but you can see from my picture on the last page my hair is curly wiry mess. I couldn't find a picture of the groty afro I grew later my senior year. I keep a high and tight hair cut now. Easy as fuck to deal with. Makes me look clean and presentable even though I haven't bathed in days.
Oh man, we should spin this into a MLM experiences thread. One of my good friends in college got sucked into Southwestern one summer and tried to recruit me. To call Southwestern polarizing would be to put it mildly. You're selling encyclopedia style books all summer long on foot, BUT, to make it even more shitty...they force you to go door to door looking for a place to live, asking people if they have a spare bedroom. He put the hard sell on me, I made it through the initial "screen" and around the second meeting, I started to look into the company online and realized FUCK THAT. By that point his regional manager/"mentor" had gotten involved and they showed up at my apartment and at one of my intramural soccer games, presumably to "show an interest" in me. It was creep as fuck. He went from one of my close friends to someone I avoided. He ended up becoming a manager and recruiter there and is still with the company as far as I know. Cult swallowed him up whole. I also was in a business organization that though it was a student club, functioned more like a small business doing sales and marketing projects for local businesses and even major corporations that needed market research and other perspectives on collegiate markets. One of my college roommates because VP of Marketing our senior year and attempted to get the organization to start hawking MonaVie, one of the MLM "health juices". He would essentially have had 25-30 sales reps under him selling with him reaping all the rewards. One of the shiestiest attempted moves ever. I had a friend recently contact me on Linkedin out of the blue, asking my opinion on a company he was starting, making wireless headphones. I was flattered until I realized the link he sent me was a fancier Kickstarter, he was looking for venture funding, and would only take investments of $25K+. That good feeling vanished quickly.
This article on the pyramid scheme energy drink all the cool kids are doing is kind of fascinating. I actually know someone who managed to pay her way through an Ivy League school selling those encyclopedia, so apparently miracles do exist. Annoying women's big thing is shitty jewelry these days. Lia Sophia seems to be the big one, based on my Facebook feed.
Today goes down in history as the day I had to explain bukkake to my sister. I feel uncomfortable. Re: MLM, my brother-in-law's grandmother works for a heinous MLM company who, over the years, has had her pushing everything from "all natural cancer cures" to "grommet-free blue jeans" (because the grommets have metals which are toxic). She keeps trying to get my sister to join their company and went so far as to try to feed my sister's kids some of their miscellaneous un-tested and non-approved "vitamins". She's a crazy person. She looks like a crazy, she speaks like a crazy, and she claims that this company is the reason for her excellent health. That excellent health that has her 70 lbs overweight at the age of 75, unable to climb stairs, unable to see out of one eye, unable to hear out of one ear, and incontinent. Excellent health.
High School graduation 1991 with a blonde girl and then one from last week when a customer requested a picture of the bartenders. I have more lettuce now.
At that time I had no carnal knowledge of her, 3 months later after a night of keystone light that changed.
All that article does is make those college students sound a bunch of fucking idiots. I've had my brushes with Cutco and Amway, or whatever they're calling it now. If we spin off into a new thread I'll get into more details, but suffice it to say my aversion to joining anything and my natural skepticism had my bullhsit meter pegged in the red zone within minutes of the launch of the "pitch".
Another joy of birthing kids. The number of older women I see staggering around the grocery store with a gross of Poise pads in their shopping carts is astounding. It's like their faces and their urethras are wrinkled.
I have told you people about my cousins before but they dove headfirst into Amway, they did it for years and swore they'd retire by 30. Cut to ten years later and everyone of them lost money doing it, if you told them it was a pyramid scheme they'd get super defensive and deny it. How dumb do you have to be.
The more you talk about your family, the more I want to mail them them third class to Neptune. We are of course talking about the Full Bright Scholars who say sun tan lotion gives you cancer and UV rays directly inject vitamins into your flesh? I love people who "did their own research". Fuck science, brah.