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2014 CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS DRUNK THREAD (NSFW)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 1, 2014.

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  1. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    Don't lie. She died later that night, didn't she?

    Outdoor malls are great! Except when it's 30 degrees out, or raining. Or really hot. Other than that, they rock!
     
  2. Binary

    Binary
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    A bunch of years ago I moved and after a few months job hunting, I was starting to get a little restless about the amount of savings I was burning through. I got to talking to a guy at the post office while we were in line, the subject of jobs came up, and I said I was an IT guy and was looking. His face lit up and he said he knew of a company looking for people in IT.

    Normally I might be more suspicious but I really wanted to be getting a regular paycheck again so I sent him my resume and after a couple days he asked if we could meet to discuss job opportunities. He was not specific about the opportunity and wanted to meet for coffee to discuss it, both of which sent up little warning flags, but I agreed to meet him at a very public Starbucks a ways away from my house.

    I showed up early and saw him pull in, driving a 10 year old Corolla with a cracked windshield and a "donut" spare tire, and he parked far away from the coffee shop. From the moment he sat down he was evasive, talking only about the (unnamed) company, and not about the supposed job, flipping through a binder full of earnings charts, telling me how much he loved working there for the last 5 years. I finally told him he had about two seconds to tell me the name of the company and the job title, and he quietly muttered the name "Amway" and rushed into a spiel about how I could retire wealthy in less than 10 years. I told him he was an asshole for lying about the job, and started to walk away, whereupon he practically screamed at me that he was just trying to make me rich, causing everyone inside to stare at him and me to start laughing. I guess all of his accumulated wealth didn't extend to replacing his spare tire or windshield?
     
  3. Juice

    Juice
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    Moderately Gender Fluid

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    Christ and in such a vulnerable spot in life, that would have drove me insane. What a jerk.

    My mom tends to fall victim to these things. Shes bought Cutco, shes bought Avon, and other mult-level marketing nonsense. Each and every time I have to explain to her that shes being scammed and no, shes not starting a business by taking a trunk of crap from another sales man and trying to sell it. Next time she does it Im not going to explain anything, Im just going to hit her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say "NO, BAD!"
     
  4. silway

    silway
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    I just found out that someone I've known for about 10-15 years died earlier today in a freak slip and fall accident. He leaves behind his father, his girlfriend, and his unborn son due in April. So as much as your friend is maybe shitty at his job, it's probably hard for most people to imagine just how much I wish I had called this guy up two weeks ago. Instead of his family having to use GoFundMe to raise his funeral expenses and his son being raised in a household struggling to make ends meet, maybe I could have delivered a check to them that would have eased their stress at this terrible time and helped secure their future.
     
  5. Binary

    Binary
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    Yeah, well... the next night I got drunk and torched his wife and fucked his car.

    I think it was supposed to be the other way around but the liquor wants what it wants.
     
  6. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    Yes, those scholars are just chock full of bright.
     
  7. dewercs

    dewercs
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    Don't lie. She died later that night, didn't she?

    Outdoor malls are great! Except when it's 30 degrees out, or raining. Or really hot. Other than that, they rock![/quote]
    A part of her probably died but she is still alive and kicking and we are still friends. Although I have not got to finger her in 23 years
     
  8. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Sorry. Autocorrect is not my friend on this phone.
     
  9. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

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  10. CanisDirus

    CanisDirus
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    This past week of moving my parents and brothers into two new houses from their older shared house has taught me two things:

    1. Family is crazy, yo.

    2. My dad is especially crazy.

    3. Unfinished houses are infinitely better with Internet and video games.

    Other than that, well I guess my parents on the road to divorce. Kind of saw that coming.
     
  11. Currer Bell

    Currer Bell
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    Ahaha. I've never thought about lowlifes winning the lottery. I guess it has to happen every so often.
     
  12. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    My parents have always played the 649 lottery since I've had memories, I never have. I have the "Idiot Tax" view of it, but gambling of any kind has never interested me. Except roulette, that shit is fun.
     
  13. kindalas

    kindalas
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    The secret about weekly lotteries is that you can spend the whole week speculating and day dreaming about how you'd spend the winnings.

    For 3 bucks the return on investment is surprisingly high.

    Now that scratch and sniff shit.

    That's for the gambling addicts.
     
  14. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I already know how I would spend my lottery winnings: Beanie Babies. Every one of them.
     
  15. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Give? Give what? Let's see... By my reckoning, you claimed that if the Packers won the Superbowl you'd post a picture of your tits in the boobie thread. The Packers did win the Superbowl, but you reneged. But that's fine and perfectly understandable. You were offered a compromise of posting a pic of your legs instead, but still nothing. Whatever, no one's obligated to post sexy pics of themselves.

    Now we've arrived at people posting their high school pictures and subjecting themselves to the discerning judgement of TiB. You don't want to post a high school pic and join in, that's fine too. However, I am drawing the line at teasing other people about their pictures while offering none of your own. That just seems a little chickenshit, ya know?

    The stage is set; all you have to do is get up on it.

    Your move Shegirl, your move...
     
  16. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Did I just shit myself?

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    Good old MLM. I had a co worker that sold Avon. She'd just past out the little catalogs and the girls would all give her their orders. She was a little old lady and I didn't see too much harm in it since the women seemed to like ordering products from her. I had one friend in college fall for same MLM cable selling scheme. Unsurprisingly he later turned into the guy who posted Alex Jones rantings all the time on Facebook.

    My worst experience was my senior year of college. I went to a job fair and signed up for an interview with Primerica. There were red flags everywhere. The guy was too adamant about setting up an interview as fast as possible, the sign up list had 30+ people listed, vague company details. While the company I guess deals in finical products for low income individuals. He was more interested in seeing how much I loved the idea of setting up my own office with a staff working for me, if I'd come to the local Hilton for a local meeting, and Id be paying for any certifications they required. He was incredulous I turned down his offer and huffed me out of the interview. I got a call from him six months later at 3AM in the morning to see if I was still interested.
     
  17. Bundy Bear

    Bundy Bear
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    I've been away for a bit but I'll bite. This is me in my last or second to last year of high school so around 16.



    That's about all I have. Haven't changed overly much since. We should be doing baby photos. That's where shit gets funny.
     

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  18. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Lia Sophia just went bankrupt. There's going to be a lot of adjustable costume jewelry floating around out there soon.
     
  19. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    The disturbing thing about graduation photos is that, if you die young and tragically, you just know all those photos are going to be all over the media.
     
  20. Currer Bell

    Currer Bell
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    I've never heard of Lia Sophia. Here the popular one is Premiere Designs, and I just had a party about it on Saturday. I use these things as an excuse to have people over because I can't seem to motivate myself to be a non-hermit otherwise.
     
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