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2014 CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS DRUNK THREAD (NSFW)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 1, 2014.

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  1. toddamus

    toddamus
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    Fucking right we are. Personally I'm fighting like hell to get to the 5 minute mark. Jk of course. Women over-think sex way too much. Who cares how long or short it is, so long as everyone is happy who cares if it lasts 120 mins or 4.
     
  2. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
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    Nobody is happy with 4 minutes. Not even rabbits. Anyone that says different is lying. I wish sex could be that efficient and satisfying, but it isn't. It's cruel, cold, and everyone is judging you. Your dead parents are watching you from the grave, critiquing your technique. Everyone knows. Everyone knows.
     
  3. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    The fucking desert. I hate the fucking desert.

    Speak for yourself. If I can nut in 30 seconds, roll over and go to sleep, I'm happy.
     
  4. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Hell, mine STILL critique me. Fucking nanny cams, you always forget they're in the room once you get in The Moment.
     
  5. Aetius

    Aetius
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    I have, on more than one occasion, eaten pussy for an hour straight. I deserve a medal.
     
  6. Gravy

    Gravy
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    Sorry Aetius, it doesn't count if they are dead.

    In other news my little brother is at a "Dirty Santa" Christmas party with his girlfriend. He just got a vibrator in the white elephant gift exchange.

    And his girlfriend's mother is there.
     
  7. Aetius

    Aetius
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    No shit. If I was counting the dead I would have said "until the groundskeeper came back"
     
  8. FreeCorps

    FreeCorps
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    #1 Internet Boo

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    Or you might be doing it wrong.
    [​IMG]
     
  9. toddamus

    toddamus
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    If you're laying there gnawing on her crotch for 45 mins and you still haven't gotten the job done, you're doing something wrong
     
  10. Aetius

    Aetius
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    Didn't want to mention it in the original post because it's kind of a downer, but she had had an abusive ex who had left her with some unfortunate hang ups, and this was part of a prolonged rehabilitation effort.
     
  11. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
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    That's noble. I went down on a girl twice so she wouldn't object when I started tossing her salad.
     
  12. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Were you 15 and doing the alphabet with your tongue? Chances are it was her pee hole.
     
  13. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    om nom nom

    I've had an hour's worth of sex before. It was quite a year.
     
  14. Misanthropic

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    Let's tally this up. If we include pre-sex activities as foreplay, we can add in the time spent thinking about it, suggesting it, getting up to the room, taking off clothes, the preliminaries, then add in the sex itself, then the "cool down" . . . . .

    I've got 12.37 minutes.
     
  15. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    It's about priorities. One must hustle if they want to be done in time for "She's The Sheriff" reruns.
     
  16. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    So you're between the awkward and getting there stages. So close. Here's what I suggest. Walk up the steps a little slower and you should bump up to the next level easily.
     
  17. silway

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    Getting me off can sometimes be a tricky process that takes awhile and is best with plenty of foreplay. So lasting is not my issue, sometimes finishing is. Which, in my experience, seems to cause more issues than premature ejaculation would.

    Many years ago I was on Zoloft for my OCD which had the fun side effect of delaying/preventing orgasm... Some tireless and generous women worked very hard during those years.

    My wife, on the other hand, would be happiest with quickies for the rest of her life. Wham, bam, time to hit her next to do item.
     
  18. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    Well, the neighbours, for one thing.
     
  19. Kampf Trinker

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    It's incredible how fast you get drunk when you're sick. I'm on my second beer and already feeling tipsy.
     
  20. Angel_1756

    Angel_1756
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    The Big Four-Oh

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    The first time I blew the husband, we were both shitfaced - him to the point where an orgasm was barely attainable, me to the point where I wasn't going to take no for an answer.

    Long story short, I blew him for 2 hours. But I got the job done. I also got lockjaw.
     
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