Remember that douchenozzle photo a few days ago of Cosby's crack legal team? Those horrid glamour shots that try to make the people in the photo look badass and imposing? Welp, check out the Christmas photo from none other than America's First Family: ...all that I see when I look at that is this:
Catching up on 10 pages. You are some hateful bastards. The fun of Christmas is buying people shit you know they fucking need/want but haven't pulled the trigger on. I have a friend who constantly talks about how he should get a wallet, and just has money wadded up in his pocket all the time. He has fucking money, just the idea of walking into a damn store and buying a wallet is impossible. I bought him a wallet and his mind exploded with joy. My girlfriend went a whole year without a 4.99 iPod to computer cord, so her iPod with 10,000 songs just sat there dead. Bought her one and got an amazing blowjob. There is shit people just don't buy, you can be that hero and get all the good feelings. Hover-hands, is that because they're told not to touch or are scared to touch? It could be like that Avril L. shit where she just didn't want to touch people.
Yep. It's amazing how many people don't know their friends well enough to know what that little, seemingly inconsequential gift is that will send them over the moon. Not because of what it costs, but for how well it shows you get them.
Or remember part of a conversation from earlier in the year. I love doing that. I like giving gifts way more than I like receiving them. I would even much rather perform oral sex that get a blo-- ha ha! Who am I kidding? Let's not get carried away. But, no, the other thing I said is totally true. Also, my mother is generous but TOTALLY sucks at giving gifts. And, she's even worse at receiving them. Ugh.
This board has two solid philosophies on why the phenomenon of Hover-Hands occurs. Either one is totally sound: 1) The guy is so intimidated/insecure to be in contact with a hot girl he thinks touching her is the Mason/Dixon of creep and he'll freak her out 2) the guy is under the impression that actually putting your arm around a girl IS creepy, and by NOT making physical contact you're pulling off some sort of White Knight, holier-than-them neckbeard bullshit.
Maybe if you weren't trying to give your mom a blowjob, she'd be a little more receptive... But that's your family tradition, not mine.
Welp, looks like I'm going back to Minnesota. It's been fun Florida. I'm going to enjoy picking out a new shotgun. Hunting and fishing here I come.
Hover-Hands is because most cons have a no touching policy because of con crud. Con crud is a combination of cold flu and bubonic plague that you get when shaking 1000 hands a day for a whole weekend.
It's also a combination of semen, cheeto/Dorito residue and body cheese from the over abundance of neckbeards. And shame.
Guys, it's not so-called Comic-Con or Fan Expo contact rules. It doesn't matter where you are, it exists. It is insecurity. Period.