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2014 CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS DRUNK THREAD (NSFW)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 1, 2014.

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  1. Luke 217

    Luke 217
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    Disturbed

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    Provo. Spain?
    But do they have informal matching undies? Because my penis is getting tired of hiding in my huge bush.
     
  2. shimmered

    shimmered
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    I got pretty sick Saturday evening, and today is the first day I've felt human since then. So FINALLY my tree is coming down.
     
  3. Popped Cherries

    Popped Cherries
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Getting out of jury duty is really easy and getting selected is really easy as well.

    Getting out: When they ask you questions that they want your opinion on, go with the negative to the opinion and never say that you are open to listening to both sides.
    Getting selected: Do the exact opposite of getting out. When asked for your opinion, tell them you won't judge until you hear all the facts and that you are open to whatever.

    I've been selected twice. Once was a 2 day long trial about some zoning dispute that was HORRIBLY boring.
    The other was a week long trial where it was blatantly obvious the plaintiff was lying about injuries they received from a car accident. Her lawyer was PISSED when the judgment came from us that she was getting about 6k vs the 3 million they were asking for.
     
  4. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    My cousin was on a jury where the defendant was a teenager accused of 2nd degree manslaughter. He was in his trailer and his girlfriend's ex came to his place and was outside brandishing a gun. He went out and I guess they fought and he shot the ex. She voted guilty but said she really struggled with it and that the weight of sentencing a kid to jail weighed heavily on her. The Prosecutor's argument was that he didn't need to go outside. They individually polled the jurors too.

    In PA they give you a juror number and you have to call the morning of and the system lets you know if you need to even show up. And then once you get there you might not even get in if they get the full amount of jurors needed for trial.
     
  5. Bundy Bear

    Bundy Bear
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    I'm just going to leave this here.

    Naked Ex in a Chimney

    You've got to be a little bit unstable to do this.
     
  6. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    It said the chimey is 12" x 12". That's the size of a ceramic floor tile. Take a look at one of those and say "Can I fit through that if it were a hole?"

    No, you fucking CAN'T. She's a mother of three who has custody. apparently she was the sane one in the relationship.
     
  7. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    I thought the article said she didn't have custody. Her ex did and she wasn't even allowed to visit.
     
  8. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I read it wrong. One for my Duh File.

    I guess it makes more sense. She's stupid AND insane. And now people are going to be cracking "Soot in your Vag" jokes at her left and right.
     
  9. toddamus

    toddamus
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    So yea, my jury duty sucked. I woke up early, drove to the justice center in rush hour traffic, almost crapped myself on the way there (thanks frozen burrito from the night before!), got there and waited around for about 4 hours then left. The Denver system is such that they get a pool of possible jurors and have them sit in a room. Periodically someone comes in and calls certain numbers, if your number gets called you then proceed to the courtroom for juror selection. If your number doesn't get called you continue to wait there until the next juror call. While I was there they had 4 calls in 4 hours and I did not get called back. Awesome right? Pretty much.

    On other hand, I have never in my life felt like a cow at the stockyard than then. When they aren't calling jurors you get to do whatever you want so long as you don't leave the pen. The pen has its own lounge, bathrooms and even vending machines. Great right? But you can't leave until your number is called or until you start having a heart attack. Occasionally someone comes in the room and announces there will soon be a juror call, so you go politely sit back down in a chair and wait for numbers to be called, and if your number is finally called you quietly announce you are there then head out the back with some official. Seems an awful lot like a stockyard in some ways.

    I am somewhat convinced they were watching us in that room and handpicking people ahead of time. It doesn't make sense to me that when they called numbers they used a lottery of the available people in there.
     
  10. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    So here's something new and fun. My neighbor just stabbed my roommate in our driveway. What. The. Fuck.

    How do I keep bumbling into all this fucking drama? It's starting to get fucking ridiculous.

    I'm still not sure what happened, but there's 5 squad cars outside.
     
  11. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Well.... Shit. Is he going to be okay?
     
  12. toddamus

    toddamus
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Time to move to the mountains in Colorado. Find yourself a cabin by a mountain creek and enjoy. But knowing you're luck you'd end up living next to a meth lab or an cartel marijuana grow.
     
  13. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Winning.
     

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  14. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    He's fine. He was nicked in the arm and a small wound on his back and chest. I just don't need to get involved in all this shit....I'm still not quite sure what the whole story is.

    I just want to know why the fuck I get all this indirect drama. Constantly. It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen.
     
  15. Popped Cherries

    Popped Cherries
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    Seriously, this.

    You are like a magnet for completely fucked up situations.
    Like one of those guys who gets struck by lightning 13 times.
     
  16. wexton

    wexton
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    If i didn't have a 1.5 old i would say you could have a free room just so i could get some interesting stories.
     
  17. Nettdata

    Nettdata
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    Mr. Toast

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    My next door neighbour is a bank manager.

    His wife lost his set of keys yesterday when she was shovelling the huge amount of snow we got.

    Keys to the bank were on that ring.

    Him, his wife, and 4 kids are out with rakes and floodlights sifting through the tons of snow around their driveway and front lawn looking for those keys. If they don't find them by the morning, the bank will have to spend about $8k to change all their locks.

    Luckily he's not going to get in shit for it, but all the other managers are already busting his chops about losing the keys.

    He's not a happy camper, and I'm just sitting here drinking scotch watching. (I did go out and offer to help, but his pride and lack of room resulted in him thanking me but sending me on my way).

    Poor fucker.
     
  18. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Who could've predicted it would be like that?
    The good news is, your name probably won't get called again for a long time. Although, I did have a friend who had jury duty twice in a year, and got picked both times. Two different courts, but still, I thought they tried to avoid that.

    Aren't a couple metal detectors cheaper than $8k?
     
  19. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Here's a fun headline to go along with Crown's kid who killed his father over his allowance:

    Her reason?

    Oh boo fucking hoo. Poor thing has to start all over with only $975M. If having only $975M puts a serious crimp in your lifestyle, you really need to reevaluate your spending habits.
     
  20. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Did I just shit myself?

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    Umm from what Ive read she contends she was integral in growing the business that made him a multi billionaire. This is more an argument of her worth to the company as far as I understand it.


    Also what the fuck is happening in Paris? Fucking nut jobs nut jobbing.
     
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