2015 Holiday WDT NSFW

I had no word/phrase for that. I always assumed it was because God hated me for being vain and waxing my car.

 

Mine is solid red from TX to GA. Shocking. Somewhat related, I don't really have an accent except when I drink.

 

I call it "Awesome Chris Cornell Song".

So I tried this for kicks. I'm a snowbelt Canadian, and it thinks I'm a Mormon. Gross. It also appears I'm most out of place in Baton Rouge. That sucks, that's the coolest name for a city in the States in my opinion.



Somebody from Florida educate me on this Pembrook Pines place. It's not like Belle AIDS, is it?

 

I don't either, but the more I drink, the more pronounced my southern accent comes out. The problem with the quiz is it asks how we hear the written words in our heads instead of how they actually come out our mouths. I know how "Fire" is supposed to be pronounced, but I still say "Far".

I figured out once that a southern accent is just kind of a lazy accent and that's why mine comes out when I'm drunk or tired. It's just easier.

 

Nailed my hometown. The secondaries are in the same state where I have extended family on one side, as well as in the northeast where I also have extended family even though I haven't lived there in years.

Though my wife makes fun of me for saying "stoked" instead of "excited".... not sure where that came from.

 

Mine was red in central North Carolina because I'm from central North Carolina. I use "the devil's beating his wife" and it (rain in the sun) is one of my favorite things ever.

 

That quiz was dead-on for me - narrowed it down to Philly, Baltimore, and Arlington VA. And I grew up in South-Central PA, an hour and a half from DC.
Really, once you admit you call a sub sandwich a "hoagie," they've got you pegged.

 

From snowboarding, skateboarding, or nothing else.

American I met think it's odd that Canadians throw around the word "hilarious" to describe anything funny. One guy I know from SC would get seriously pissed and say it should only be reserved for something truly knee-slapping funny. Americans meeting us for the first time will also notice we curse WAY more than they do.

 

How appropriate a Canadian has a matching dialect down here. You snowbird bastards. Pembroke Pines is a middle class area, a little black, a little hispanic, a little Jewish, a lot of yuppie. It's a few minutes outside Ft. Lauderdale.

Dude, this quiz is fucking silly. "What do you call something that is across both streets from you at an intersection (or diagonally across from you in general)?" Option: A KITTY WAMPUS? what the fuck kind of jibberish are people speaking in this country? Sounds like something from a Monty Python skit. Ok, it places me in South Florida accurately, but it also places me better in... Maine. MAINE? I have never been to Maine. Ahyuh, migh as well go on ahp tha road, been readin' Stephen King all muh life yuh see.

I am most out of place in Michigan. Yep. I agree.

 

One of the funniest encounters I had was a job interview in Memphis.

Interviewer: Your driver's license says you're from Mississippi, but not you're not actually from there are you?

Me: No ma'am, I was born here in Memphis.

Interviewer: Then why do you talk the way you do?

Me: Education.

I know how words are supposed to be pronounced and in a professional setting, it's in my best interest to pronounce them correctly.

I was born in the south. raised around my southern family and my Canadian grandparents (Including my grandfather who had an Irish lilt), and educated in the northwest. I'm all sorts of fucked up language wise.

 

It's funny. Around here we call the grass between the street and sidewalks "Boulevard" and ones in the centres of roads are usually called medians. Yes, I call soda "pop" however I would never utter a faggy word like "sneakers" in my life. Sneakers? You Mr. Rogers queers. They're RUNNING SHOES. Reebok Pumps bitch, get on my level.

 

"Running shoes"? That's a whole lot of wasted effort. They're shoes.

And "Boulevard"? That's where the young guys cruise in their Trans Am's hollering at girls on weekend nights.

 

I had to answer "other" for that one. It's called an easement (public easement, if you're getting into legal specifics).

They're tennis shoes. That's the broad category. If you need a specific type of tennis shoe, you're looking for running shoes, cross trainers, walking shoes, basketball shoes etc. The other categories are "boots," "sandals," and "dress shoes." This goes for men and women.

And who the fuck says they drive an SUV? It's a truck. A truck or a car. A tahoe or surburban or a durango is still a truck. A car is another way of saying "sedan" or "small vehicle" and means "I enjoy dying when I hit a deer or large raccoon." Those funky hybrid tweenermobiles... well, no one drives those around here. Or at least no one will admit to it.

 

Yuppies.

My truck may be classified as an SUV, but it's a fucking lifted Durango 4WD. It has a leather interior, rear A/C, a huge V8 that gets 10 mpg, and a carbon footprint that makes hippies cry. The very definition of a truck.

I just happened to need 9 cup holders.

 

Kitty Corner is a place across the intersection diagonally from you.

Catty Wampus is when something is bent, broken or just generally fucked.

Holes can be wallered out, so can a woman.

Devil's Night is the night before halloween, this is when you go Cooning pumpkins, or if you're close to Detroit, go set abandoned homes on fire.

I guess I have a mix of North and South now, 22 years in Michigan and 10 in North Carolina will do that.

 

A Canadian measures driving distance by time. If you asked me how far Toronto is, I wouldn't tell you It's a hundred miles away, I'd tell you it takes about an hour and forty-five minutes to get there. Montreal is seven hours away. Florida is two days away.

Also we pronounce the letter Z as "zed". I know it screws up the rhyme, but that song ripped off Twinkle Twinkle Little Star anyways.

 

And that's why y'all will always be looked at as a 2nd world country.

Weirdos.

 

Solid red for northern New England, nailed it. The lawn between the sidewalk and street has no name, footwear used for exercising is referred to as sneakers. I saw a crayfish once in a lake in New Hampshire.

 

My result was red all over the Confederate states, which I'm sure surprises no one, but I don't have Southern or Texas accent (they aren't the same thing).

I know this, because I'm constantly reminded/interrogated/made fun of about this.

Things I've heard many times from strangers, friends, and family members include:

From strangers: "You're from Texas? You don't sound like you're from Texas... Where are you REALLY from?"

From friends: (said while suppressing laughter) "What was that? Say it again, dude..." (more suppressed laughter)

From family: "Why do you talk like that? Your folks don't talk like that. Are you ashamed of where you're from? "

I don't know what my "accent" is, but my voice (both in depth and word pronunciation) sounds just like Jim Goad (one of my favorite journalists, by the way):