2015 Holiday WDT NSFW

Sounds like an interesting family tree

 

I know I'm still playing into the patriarchy in the big picture, but I don't care. "Asking" him is not a big deal to me, nor do I think it would bother my girlfriend- that part of it doesn't bother me nearly as much as others. In the even bigger picture we can complain about how pretty much all of the expectations for the engagement rest on the shoulders of the groom-to-be.

We thought about getting married in a church but will probably do it next to a big ass lake, which may rub some of our more religious family members the wrong way (both of us were raised Catholic), but we don't care. Plus I don't really feel like associating myself with the Archdiocese here in town after how they've handled (covered up) sex abuse cases and lobbied against marriage equality- that ain't right.

Now... important things... I've had a short beard since last year now. I had blonde hair when I was young and it's still light, with darker facial hair. Now that I've been letting it grow more, a bunch of hairs are turning this distinctly rusty reddish color. What. the. hell. I am not a ginger!

 

Powerball is $500 million tonight. So who is going to waste their money on 191 million to 1 odds?

I'm going to get a couple tickets. You'll all be sucking it while I rocket ski on 2 dolphins.

In other news: What irrational things would you buy with your lump payout of $175 million?

I'd donate a lifesize statue of Charlton Heston made of spent shell casings to the NRA.

 

I'd build a rocket to go into space and explode into a brilliant " 'MERICA! FUCK YEAH!" in the night sky over Europe.

 

I would start a business and funnel all of the money through it so that everyone thinks I'm a successful entrepreneur.

 

If you're not doing it while wearing a supermodel as a backpack, you're doing it wrong.

 

Personally, I'd use my money to run a presidential campaign cynically appealing to the worst instincts in voters.

In other news, do you like hot chocolate? Then do yourself a favour and throw away hot chocolate mix. Go to the bulk barn and buy some chocolate chips or wafers (dark chocolate, milk chocolate, whatever). Throw them into a pan at low temperature until they've melted, then add a small amount of hot milk and thoroughly stir until the chocolate is completely dissolved in the milk. Keep adding hot milk in small amounts to keep everything completely dissolved, and build up to your final desired volume. Then add Bailey's (or whichever whisky cream liqueur - I'm personally enjoying some Forty Creek right now). Thank me later.

 

First of all, the proper phrase is "All y'all can suck it."

Second of all, it's naked supermodel.

Third of all, the lump sum payout is $306 million.

And, I would give $2 million dollars to 125 different universities around the country to endow scholarships. Half of them would be named after my father, and the other half would be the Oliver Klosov scholarship that would only be given to women majoring in something fitness related.

 

Its pretty amazing how stupid you have to be to fuck up payouts of that size, but people always do. You take $100MM and throw it in a fund or something similar and get 5-8%, and you're getting $5-$8MM a year. You still have $75MM to buy gold plated jetskis, a liger, and a jacked up Corvette on a monster truck chassis, all while still getting $5+MM a year to continue living like a jackass. I'm very financially literate and astute and forward thinking and all that jazz, but even I would take a big payout and immediately throw half of it somewhere I couldn't see it except for when interest checks arrive.

FOCUS: Irrational? Probably a huge diamond for my future wife, amirite?

I assumed he took the taxes out straight away so people wouldn't quibble over exact figures.

 

Yesterday, I was watching SportsCenter on ESPN with the sound off, and the captioning was on. I guess that is transcribed really fast or uses a text-to-speech program when it's live. Either way, I know there are errors as it goes along. But the TV shows and commercials have already been captioned. And, then this Captain Morgan commercial came on. I can't hear it, but I am watching it going, um, did that ship figurehead just come to life and is there a guy dancing around with a Captain Morgan head, okaaaay, and WTF those captions?! Haha, somebody punked the captions! Wait, they're doing that on purpose! Ha.

So, then, I go to look it up on YouTube later, because I was telling somebody about it, and heard it for the first time - double wtf? What they hell language is that? Is he just singing gibberish? I love the fact that they filmed, and paid to show a commercial, that is complete nonsense. Here's to you, Captain.

 

Everyone knows you never go full Captain.

 

Ah, well, even then it's over $200. ($211 in Georgia.) https://www.usamega.com/powerball-jackpot.asp

But, they withhold that, though, right? I've never bought a ticket and I have no idea how it works. Like, they don't cut you a check for $306 million and expect you to file a return and staple a check for $76 million to it, right?

 

I saw a guy who won like $12M and the first thing he bought was a $4M private jet. No, he wasn't a pilot.

 

Watch the documentary "Lucky" about lottery jackpot winners. It's amazing how it sometimes makes things worse for people and turn their friends and family members into enemies who hate them simply because of idiotic jealousy. "It's not fair they won and we didn't!" Umm, okay, but WHY is it unfair?

Some people in the movie put the money to good use, while others had their siblings put a hit out on them and in the end are sleeping in the back of a garage after blowing MILLIONS on unecessary bullshit.

Fun fact: there was once a $54 million dollar ticket that was never claimed. Dayum.

 

It has to be a computer program. I would expect a human typist to at least make consistent mistakes, and the errors on ESPN are all over the place.

I initially assumed it was something like Chinese. Now I'm thinking it is probably gibberish if only because no one on the internet is crying about it being racist.

I bought Powerball tickets tonight, but the big jackpots would probably be the worst ones to win because your name gets plastered all over the place. I almost think I would rather win $10 million and not have to deal with as many long lost relatives and strangers constantly suing me for no good reason.

 

And to absolutely no one's surprise, Ken Griffey Jr is now in the Hall of Fame, along with Mike Piazza.

Jr. also set a new record, garnering 99.3 percent of the vote (437 of 440 ballots).

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/1...piazza-voted-cooperstown-baseball-hall-famers

 

WHO ARE THOSE THREE PEOPLE?

 

Meh. People didn't vote for Ruth, Aaron, Mays, or Ryan too.

What happens is they are only allowed to vote for 10 players and they assume that player A is getting elected anyways, so instead of voting for that player they use that vote for someone else. It's a stupid system, but it is what it is.