Girl From Oklamoma City for the win. You can't get more sensual @Spit out that retainer and do me right." Thighs steam.
I just had to replace my phone last week. I use android but really don't care about whatever OS my phone has. I just want an inexpensive phone that can dial and text.
I thought that's what I wanted. Then I started enjoying GPS anywhere in the world, a web browser, and up to date stock market tickers, mobile banking, and music. There is an app where no matter how lame you are, you can probably find someone to suck your dick. The future is awesome and we should all get our toilet parts licked while our phone plays pirated music.
Someone might have posted this elsewhere, but Merle Haggard just died. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/merle-haggard-country-legend-died-at-79-20160406 Shit, I saw him live but five years ago.
This is why they should have left the children behind: http://injo.com/2016/04/578004-coll...n-campus-then-they-find-out-who-he-really-is/ If any of you know of a college that isn't completely crammed with stupid, impulsive pussies scared of their own shadows I would love to know.
“Then my residents, terrified, come running to me..." This is the guy they ran to for protection? Holy. Shit.
I was one of the idiots who got played on April 1st. It was my wife's idea, the asshole. She got the entire office got in on it. The details are largely irrelevant, but the end result was that some good acting on the part of one of our administrators got me right up in her face and about two seconds from firing her on the spot before they told me what was up. So now it's my time for payback. There was about half a dozen people in on it and I will be targeting them both individually and as a group. First thing, I'm filling the candy jar in my office with 5 lbs of haribo sugar free gummy bears. I'll find out pretty quick who is eating more than their fair share of candy, and the best part is that my wife's office is adjacent to the restroom. Two birds (at least) with one stone. Second phase, I gotta steal some phones. Autocorrect is fun to play with. Any suggestions on words and the replacements? Getting my wife's phone should be no problem, but I'd much rather get her lunch one day and mix in some diuretic.
Think of as many common words as you can that have "m's" and "n's". Switch them in the spelling. Then, also pop the "m" and "n" off their computer keyboard, and snap them back on in the wrong place.
Emory University + Trump 2016 written in chalk = OMG we're all gonna die! I went to a college in Indiana where we had way too much homework to worry about who was walking around campus. With college kids in the condition they are now, who the fuck is going to support me when I'm on Social Security? On the other hand, it's Indiana. Shouldn't they be used to having Klan members walking around? When I grew up in central IN in the '70's and '80's, there were counties that had no black people because the Klan didn't allow it.
The only time I travelled through Indiana was driving to and from Chicago for St. Patrick's. I remember two distinct things: 1) Lots and lots and LOTS of places that make and sell fireworks. If a nuke hit that state it would shatter this planet like the last days of Krypton. Good on you Indiana, you like to blow shit up. 2) The restaurants had old-school smoking sections like before 1991. In other words, you were smoking whether you wanted to or not. My wife and I were still smoking then, so we treated it like it was the Blarney Stone or some shit. "Take my picture! Nobody's gonna believe we're SMOKING IN A RESTAURANT! Take THAT, non-smokers! We're slowly killing your children."
Our sales manager called me yesterday and asked if I am available to go to Vienna on either of 2 particular days in May to visit a customer. Having never been to Vienna, I'm available to go to whenever the fuck anybody wants me to be there.
I don't know anything about Vienna, Virginia. But, I do know about Vienna, Georgia. And, here it's pronounced Vy - anna. Their big event is the Big Pig Jig, which is a barbeque cook-off. Like, a major one. Like, the cooking teams have reserved spots that they keep in place all year round, despite the fact that it only gets used once a year. This little village is vacant 50 weeks out of the year. Spoiler So, if it turns out that's where you're headed, you're going to want to make sure it's the first weekend in November. http://www.bigpigjig.com/ I ran the Hawg Jawg road race one year, but sadly, I don't think they do that anymore.
This week marks the return of baseball and golf. I view it as the transition from cold weather activities to warm weather stuff. It is my favorite week of the year. I really wish I was rich enough to go the Masters.
Yesterday at My Bar, a bunch of us including the hot bartender and the owners wife, got into a lively discussion on fluffers - do they really exist, how exactly do they fluff, has Viagra put them out of business, etc. I thought playing Bukkakke Tears was appropriate. No one so much as batted an eyelash. The shock level at the bar is set very high.