I'm thinking of sending the following email to MSNBC. Thoughts? Dear NBC, I am a viewer of MSNBC, and while I generally am able to glean somewhat useful information from several of the shows, unfortunately, to do so I have to endure the use (or rather misuse) of several words and phrases that have become more prevalent. I write you in an effort not only to correct you, but in the hopes that you’ll pass along the following to the worst offenders. I’ll get right to it. 1. ‘Pivot.’ Dear God in heaven. What clown ass came up with this nonsense? He or she should not only be fired, but sent to a North Korean labor camp. The Mirriam-Webster dictionary (which is conveniently online, so you don’t have to get up from your viewing of cute kitten pictures and porn to find it) has the following definition: 1. 1: a shaft or pin on which something turns 2. 2a : a person, thing, or factor having a major or central role, function, or effect b : a key player or position; specifically : an offensive position of a basketball player standing usually with back to the basket to relay passes, shoot, or provide a screen for teammates 3. 3: the action of pivoting; especially : the action in basketball of stepping with one foot while keeping the other foot at its point of contact with the floor You’ll note the complete lack of ‘focusing’ as a definition of pivot, which is how pivot has been used on your network. Infuriatingly. Constantly. And oh so wrongly. Hillary Clinton is not ‘pivoting’ to the general election. I know this mostly due to the absence of a basketball in her hands. Also, I do not see a shaft or pin upon which she is turning. Oh, and it’s a noun, not a verb. The word is ‘focus.’ Hillary Clinton is focusing on the general election. You’re welcome. 2. Optics. I can only surmise someone at your network watched ‘Scandal’ once and thought ‘optics’ sounding like a cool word. While I can’t comment on whether a word is cool or not, I can comment on its misuse. Again, from Mirriam Webster: 1. a science that deals with the genesis and propagation of light, the changes that it undergoes and produces, and other phenomena closely associated with it. Also a noun. As in NOT ‘the optics of the situation’ – which invariable climbs its way out of some allegedly intelligent pundit’s mouth as if it means something. It doesn’t, other than telling me the person uttering such insipid nonsense doesn’t actually know what the word means. The word your hosts are looking for is ‘appearance.’ Attending a ball game during a terrorist attack does not look or appear appropriate. 3. Boots on the Ground. This phrase needs to be buried in the ground along with the clown ass who thought misusing ‘pivot’ and ‘optics’ was a good idea. There is no conspiracy by the US Government to commandeer DSW’s supply of boots, fly them over to the Middle East, and drop them into the desert in the hopes of defeating Isis by hoping to get lucky and having a random boot land on a random terrorist’s head. You send troops. Not boots, though ostensibly the troops will have boots. Hopefully. 4. ‘Trying to Be the Adult in the Room.’ Are there children present? Are the debates being held at a Chuck E. Cheese? No, I didn’t think so. Just stop it. Stop it now. If I have to hear ‘so and so is trying to be the adult in the room’ one more time, I’m going to be the adult in the room and put my foot up someone’s ass. A person is technically an adult upon attainment of the age of 18. There’s no ‘trying’ involved, other than the trying we all do in not trying to suffocate ourselves before reaching 18. The candidates are all adults. They may say (and often do) childish and silly things, but that just makes them retarded adults, but sadly, adults nonetheless. 5. ‘Ted Cruz.’ I find this phrase offensive. In fact, I find his existence offensive, but surpassed only by the offensive stuff that stumbles its way out of his Joker like mouth (Nicholson Joker, not Ledger Joker) pretty much every time he opens it. If I’m watching ESPN, then fine, I can accept the adolescent cool speak that seems to permeate that network like douchiness permeates Donald Trump. After all, it is only sports, and they don’t really matter. However, news matters. Politics matter, more than anything else. The use of the above phrases degrades the discussion. Newscasters, more than anyone, should use words correctly as it is the very nature of their job to convey information. Conveyance of that information relies upon the agreed upon meaning of words in order to be accurate and useful. I do not want to receive news from cool hosts, I want to receive news from accurate hosts. Thanks for your time and attention. Respectfully yours, The Village Idiot, Esq. P.S. Love Rachel Maddow, definitely worth watching as often as possible. And I’m a conservative (not to be confused with the current fuckstick neoconservatives running amok in the Republican party).
Dear TVI, You are not the viewer we are looking for. Enjoy ESPN. Love, NBC P.S. Don't forget to check out The Blacklist, starring James Spader, Thursdays at 9/8c.
Why would you willingly watch 24/7 news networks? I'd rather jump ass-first into a vat of liquid nitrogen.
I remember reading the complaints about pivot and optics before, but this is the first time that anyone has elaborated on how they were being misused. Christ on a cracker, that is bewilderingly bad. Just don't tell me how much money these people make and I can maybe retain some of my sanity.
VI in 5 years: Dear City Council; We have a troubling problem in this city which you seem to belligerently ignore. I'm talking about leaves. They're everywhere, but most specifically in my yard. I only have one tree and yet my yard is always full of leaves from my neighbors. Why should I be responsible for my neighbor's leaves? I can't walk to my car without stepping on multiple leaves from a Live Oak tree, which as you know is not indigenous to this area. This is not a native tree, yet every day there it is mocking me and hurling it's expended foliage at my property at a pace that will soon kill my lawn and is unduly infringing on my right of quiet enjoyment of my property. I want all non native trees in this city to be burnt to the ground and for all owners of native trees to be required to install protective netting around their trees which will prevent the spread of their leaves. Thank you. VI
My boss after she spent all week at a shitty conference in Orlando and just walked into the office: Lord help us.
I present to you, Hunter S. Thompson bitching-and-rambling while firing at his neighbor and vice-versa. https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1163168677028702
They mate for life and if the mate dies they grieve and yowl for days/weeks on end. Do not ask how I know this.