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2016 April Fools WDT NSFW

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by shegirl, Apr 1, 2016.

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  1. Juice

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    My parents keep getting chickens taken in the middle of the night. Anyone know anything about wolves/coyotes and how persistent they might be even with the hens inside a coup? I don't know much about the behavior of those animals.
     
  2. CanisDirus

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    You got any details of how they were killed, how much was eaten off of them, etc? Or are they being carried off? Is it an open-topped coop or caged? How tall is the fence?

    As for persistence, coyotes can hop a five to seven foot fence, and if it isn't too slick a gray fox or a red fox would just climb over. I've rarely heard of wolves eating chickens [also, not sure if they live near your parents but then again I have no clue where they live, I just assumed North America, somewhere], but plenty of them eating horses, cattle, pigs and especially sheep and goats. I'd suspect, since it is night, owls, raccoon, any number of weasel species, opossum or striped skunk as your culprit. If your parents are close to a freshwater source a river otter or mink will also catch hens to eat, and those bastard masked bandit coons will grab a hen passing by with with their hands, pull bits of them off through the wire and eat them piece by piece while still alive.
     
    #62 CanisDirus, Apr 2, 2016
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  3. CanisDirus

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    My suggestion would be if at all practical or possible to plug in a stereo out there to play the radio and spook off your parent's chicken bandit by leaving it in the pen or in the coop, it helped get a persistent gray fox away from my friend's hen coop where he'd kill a pullet or guinea fowl hen every night, on the night. If all else fails, have them set a live trap with chicken and see if they can catch the thief or if they're not squeamish of it just waiting nearby from cover to shoot it.
     
  4. Juice

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    Wouldn't it be easier to just pop them in the face with a 12-gauge? I don't think it would matter, wolves aren't very intelligent animals.
     
  5. CanisDirus

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    If it is wolves set some nice Newhouse #14 wolf traps with some canine lure on them.

    Or if you can set up a stand and get them in close;


    I'd disagree about their intellect level, they're certainly not parrots or gorillas, but they are the domestic dog's wild ancestor, so they're at least as smart as a smart dog on average. But now I'm just thinking my jimmies are in threat of rustlin'. But the hell do I care; I remain merely a dispenser of advice.
     
    #65 CanisDirus, Apr 2, 2016
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  6. CanisDirus

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    I suggest investing in a nice catch-pole, shooting 'em with a shotgun wastes the pelts and those can go tanned for a good amount of cash or just be a nice heirloom piece, aim for the head with a rifle, near the eyes. Also, excellent parka trimming. If you instead want to bleach the skull, aim for the heart or lungs while the animal is broadside or in the trap.
     
    #66 CanisDirus, Apr 2, 2016
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  7. Flat_Rate

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    Tim Wells is an insane shot with a bow, the video of him dove hunting with one and hitting more than he misses is something to see.
     
  8. toytoy88

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    Two other possibilities...owls or possums. I've lost chickens to both of those too.
     
  9. toddamus

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    I had no idea possums are carnivores. There is no redeeming quality to that animal whatsoever. Evil angry rabies ridden rats.
     
  10. CanisDirus

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    They eat a lot of ticks, so that's one good thing they do.

    [​IMG]

    Fuck Lyme Disease, more power to the opossums.

    [​IMG]

    They also can't carry rabies.

    Funniest thing about them is how disgusting they taste. Dogs will kill them, but I've never met a dog or any other carnivore who will eat them, save for birds of prey and themselves. Yes, themselves. How? Because you flatten one with a truck, another scampers out to eat the corpse and becomes another opossum burger on the road. Dumber than Deconned mice.
     
    #70 CanisDirus, Apr 2, 2016
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  11. Juice

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    How prevalent are jackalopes in the Northeast? Possums are terrible. They hiss and shit. My uncle Jerry had a possum problem and they kept getting into his garbage cans at night. He put some rat poison out for them and ended up killing the neighbors cat. Cat shoulda stayed out of the garbage though. It's name was Waffle.
     
  12. katokoch

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    The greatest gas station in the world is a little bit north of St. Joseph, Missouri on Highway 29. This is basically where Nebraska, Kansas, and Missouri meet- sounds great already, right? Oh it gets better. Half of it is a fireworks store. Then there's the booze and antiques section, where of course there's a few shotguns and ammo. A true diamond in the rough.
     
  13. CanisDirus

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    You get Wolpertingers and Skvader out there.

    [​IMG]
    Wolpertinger
    Bites are venomous on the Wolpertingers, and they can fly for short distances, but they're delicious eating.

    [​IMG]
    Skvader
    Skvaders aren't venomous, and they also taste good. You'll find Wolpertingers in thick forests, and Skvaders in more open areas. Hope that helps. Sorry about Waffle.
     
  14. Riggins

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    Whoever decided that, after a 5K, let's provide a bunch of free beer to the runners is a damn genius. I could run one of these things every weekend.

    Feeling a slight buzz and somewhat accomplished by 10:30 is never a bad thing.
     
  15. toytoy88

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  16. bewildered

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  17. toytoy88

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    Because Asians have tiny penises?
     
  18. bewildered

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    I have called or visited 4 stores (super target, super wallyworld, toys r us, hobby lobby) for an old school wooden rubber band gun for my nephew's 5th bday today. I saw it on amazon for cheap but thought surely i would be able to find it in town.

    You know, i typically plan for every eventuality. Then I do shit like this. It just resolidifies all these little neurotic traits I have.

    I really really wanted to get him that rubber band gun though. I had one when I was a kid and it was awesome to snipe people from across the room. He is a tiny, imaginative, impish kid who loves to play tricks on people and I think he'd really enjoy it. I'm going to go to Toys R Us now with el husband. Any ideas on what a spunky little five year old boy would like?
     
  19. CanisDirus

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    Kinex Men?
     
  20. Clutch

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    I mean, if you're really attached to the idea, the one I had as a kid was basically a shaped piece of wood for the handle with a dowel rod and a clothespin hot glued to it. Probably wouldn't take more than 20 minutes to make if you have a bandsaw or jigsaw.
     
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