How did the climactic Kool-Aid taste? Did you at least come away from the deal with some cool black Nikes?
Come on man, everyone knows only cults do that stuff. Juice only handles snakes and speaks in tongues.
Yea that sounds totally normal. Nothing weird there. Just remember, everyone outside of the church is out there to corrupt you and is a device of the devil. The only safe place is within the church under the authority of the leader, I mean cult leader, dammit preacher. Also the more money you give the more like you are to be saved, just saying. Did they encourage you to confess all your sins publicly so that your soul could be cleansed and that the cult could show you how forgiving they are of your sinful terrible ways?
Right. I keep forgetting a cult automatically becomes a religion after its founder dies. Remember to forever worship your creator for creating you. And for bestowing over 4000 genetic diseases on us.
I keep trying to start my own cult, to make some quick cash, but no one wants to listen to me talk.....Maybe I'm doing it wrong? Maybe Its more like a honey and vinegar approach? Good Cop, Bad Cop thing? I could be the paternalistic quiet leader and I have someone else do all the preaching? Like whats the bet way to start a cult? All I really want to do is make like 100K, thats all, and then get out of Dodge.
The best (and most classic) way to start a cult is to tell everybody you have superpowers. It worked for Jesus. You don't have to PROVE you have powers, seeing as the people who show interest in you are already too stupid to worry about proving you wrong.
Good point, a hallmark of any good cult leader is faking miracles, and shaming then forgiving adherents.
You typically do one of two things: A) Find especially vulnerable people and slowly turn them into being completely dependent on you. This is also what pimps do. B) Find a group that is already fanatically devoted to something and splinter off a group because your version is better. This is what most of the mega churches do.
You need a religion, not a cult. That way society HAS to accept you with open arms, no matter what. You'll build gigantic citadels to nothing completely tax-free. In fact, you'll never pay taxes for anything, ever. You can molest your congregation, steal from the collection or beat your wife with a steel cable for going grocery shopping without permission. Doesn't matter, it's What's-his-name's will. And for those who think the world won't tolerate that, they already do. Happily.
Woah, stop right there, I'm just in it for the money, nothing else. I view it as starting a business, with less overhead, and people just give me money because they want to be saved or something.
Somebody please remind the editor of MotherJones to kill herself: ...serious business. Way to take on the Big Guys.
No but they made me stick a buttered crucifix up my butt and told me to "Feel the power of Jesus." I came, I cried and I accepted Christ into my heart. But really, it was pretty absurd. They literally had a PowerPoint presentation on a projector to guide prayer...
Christ. At least Catholics put some effort and cash into their production value. When I go to church, I demand to be BOMBARDED with guilt in the form of gruesome fine art and architecture. Fuck your community centres and basketball courts.
Offered 10 grand over asking on a house and didn't get it. I'm starting to think it isn't going to be possible to buy a home in this city without starting out underwater from the very beginning.