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2017 Holiday Drunk Thread NSFW

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 1, 2017.

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  1. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

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    Misread that for a second and thought you meant Jewish titties were called “Goe-bbels.”
     
  2. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Joobs.
     
  3. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    $200K selfie.

     
  4. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    There are these wonderful inventions called “bolts” that can do things like attach columns to floors so when idiots set them up like a glorified Rube Goldberg machine they won’t get knocked over.
     
  5. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    Just found (and killed) my first brown recluse. Of course my first instinct was "oh cool, a badass spider I've never seen before! I'm gonna take a picture!!"

    Then the flash went off and I realized what it was I thought. So I smashed it to pieces with a pair of pliers I had nearby for some random reason. Then I went on google and confirmed what it was.

    Now I have arachnophobia. Especially because I was *this* close to picking it up since it was such a cool spider and my initial instinct even before the picture was to hold it and play with it like a toddler who thinks a rattle snake is making the noise because it's being friendly.

    Fortunately I didn't touch it.

    Somewhere Darwin laughs at me.
     
  6. NatCH

    NatCH
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    I’ve heard it said that for every one brown recluse you see, there’s about fifty more in the walls and floorboards.

    Merry Christmas!
     
  7. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    The pest control service we use is full of rednecks educated only to the level where they don't actively kill themselves with what they're using on the job.

    When they show up and spray a bunch of chemicals and say "oh by the way, give it a few hours before you light an open flame outside".... I tend to trust that they knock out the pests.

    Jealous much, Canada?
     
  8. Juice

    Juice
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  9. NatCH

    NatCH
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    Meh. I just check the bed every night to make sure no crawlies are in the sheets, and switch out glue traps every few months. No flesh-eating wounds yet. The cats probably eat most of them, and they seem fine.

    Had a coworker who said her house had scorpions in it. And she was as calm about it as I am about the recluses. That, I can’t fathom.
     
  10. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Thanks! It's the gift that keeps on gi-- brb.

    You guys shop at the same store? Hey, I'm not complaining. One of those girls reminds me of an ex-girlfriend, because she was a ho ho ho.
     
  11. toytoy88

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    I find scorps in the house quite often. Usually when I step on them in my bare feet.
     
  12. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Albeit they are cool-looking, I like living in a wimpy nature area that doesn’t include insects that hide in your shoe and can cause temporary paralysis.
     
  13. Clutch

    Clutch
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    There is at least one 4-inch long house centipede living in my basement. It is not as scared of me as I would like it to be. Every time I see it I want to smash it, but I know it's better to have it in the house than the things it eats.
     
  14. Crown Royal

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    There is something otherworldly about those things. They aren’t from this galaxy.

    They don’t bite humans, and they eat ants and silverfish which are pain in the ass insects that nobody wants in the house. They are also satanic-looking horror beings, straight out of a red nightmare caused by eating Taco Bell and Pizza for a week.
     
  15. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    They do.
     
  16. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    That says “centipede” which many indeed bite, but to my knowledge “house centipedes” don’t bite humans. I think.
     
    #256 Crown Royal, Dec 15, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  17. bewildered

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    Is there a special species that only lives in houses?
     
  18. toytoy88

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    Rarely.

    "While it is possible that one might bite a person, more than likely it would take picking up a house centipede and handling one for that to happen. They would much rather reserve their venom for food and humans just are not something on the menu. "
     
  19. Crown Royal

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    Our scary friend:

    51130ABE-238C-42A6-ACFC-7A6287F55593.jpeg

    ...It’s not really fair to call them CENTipedes since they usually only have around 30 legs.
     
  20. Revengeofthenerds

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    We get terrible scorpions out here when the weather changes. One time it was so bad they were falling out of the air vents. I was giving my son a bath and a massive one fell out of the AC vent in the ceiling and landed on my shoulder. In our house you check your shoes before you put them on and don't leave clothes on the ground unless you want scorpions in them. Learned that lesson the hard way, put on a pair of jeans and pissed the fuck outta the scorpion hiding in one of the pant legs. I couldn't get them off of me fast enough and he stung me more times than I can count.

    I absolutely hate scorpions, but it's just a part of living in the country. We built in the animals' home, they didn't choose for us to be here. So when they come into our house we just kinda gotta deal with it best we can. My favorite was when we found a 3 foot rat snake in our room.
     
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