Reading this makes me think Indiana is not far enough north. Fuck all that. I think I'd rather deal with the cold than scorpions and more snakes than we have here.
See I love it. Keeps things interesting, never a dull moment when you're living literally right smack in the middle of nature. Fun example: About 2-3 months ago I was mowing the grass, a massive snake came out of the brush and went toward my son's room, normally I'd leave it alone but a snake that big, when it's afraid it's going to its safe place and if your safe place is next to my son's room you're fucking dead. So I text my wife to bring me something to kill it. Thinking she was gonna bring like an axe or a gun or limb loppers or something, dumbass came out with one of my japanese chef knifes. No way I'm gonna ruin that on a snake. So I grabbed the snake behind the head, twist and kill. Then I found its fucking nest. A bunch of baby snakes in a hole right close to my son's window. So I built a fire over the hole, poured some diesel on it, then lit it up. Grabbed a cigar and a beer and good way to end an enjoyable day of mowing. Or.... I could live in the city where nothing fun and exciting like that happens because there are no snakes and neighbors don't take kindly to random fires or impromptu skeet shooting in your back yard.
Indiana has scorpions? Auburn is less than a seven hour drive from where I live. They are sold as exotic pets here. All I remember about driving through Indiana was LOTS of fireworks businesses, and they still smoked in the restaurants. Of course this was only the very north end of the state.
No, I just meant that I don't live far enough away from the land of creepy shit like scorpions. I'm not sure it's possible to live far enough away. Although I did see a guy at a gas station walking around with his pet scorpion crawling on him, creepy bastard.
I would kill to have a pet snake, or a massive spider like a tarantula. I'd absolutely love it. My wife is terrified of snakes so unfortunately it'll never happen, but I love the idea. Whenever I find a snake outside, I always pick it up and play with it (there are only 4 types of easy to identify poisonous snakes in Texas). I've been bitten a few times of course, but that comes with the territory. And the reason I love snakes and spiders, is that I'm terrified of them. So it's an adrenaline rush, holding something that is abjectly terrifying to you, and seeing that it doesn't kill you, and that even though your gut instinct is to run away from it you can control yourself enough to calmly pick it up and be fascinated by its beauty and presence. When you're holding a snake, the moment you panic, is the moment they freak out and bite. So your mind is running a thousand miles per hour but you have to stay calm and in control. It's killer adrenaline rush and anyone who is terrified of snakes should hold one. People think getting bit by snakes hurts a lot worse than it actually does. The fear is the bad part. The actual bite is negligible by comparison.
They are one of few insect that fascinate me. They are a head-to-toe monster. They are of course one of those “pets” not unlike snakes or giant spiders where you can pretty much judge their owner by his cover. To most people there is nothing “sexy” about owning animals like that, and the women who ARE turned on by them usually are the type like to involve brass knuckles during sex. ....Scootah’s type.
Some of us can’t just walk off a toxic venom poisoning our bloodstream and failing our organs, though.
TOO LATE! I love how there's a "NSFW" switch on there to switch to kittens instead of boobs. If you're clicking on a booby tree at work and you have to rely on the NSFW switch, you're not long for that job.
That is just fucking awesome, you almost wish it actually shoots them. I love watching thieves squirm. You’re in an expensive car but you have to steal other people’s mail. Real nice.
Speaking of putting the fear of God in folks.... I got a Christmas card today from my best friend since childhood. They included a picture of my "Niece" who I haven't seen in a few years. She's now 17 and gorgeous. A stereotypical country girl with long blonde hair. I feel bad for my buddy having to deal with all the guys sniffing around like bloodhounds, but I know he's put the fear in more than one young suitor. I'll never forget one father when I showed up to take his daughter out: Dad: My daughter looks nice doesn't she? Me: Yeah she does! Dad: Make sure she comes back that way. Me: Yes sir. Unfortunately I never did master the art of subtlety. My little cousin disappeared when I was in Mississippi and it turned out she'd spent the past few days at her boyfriend's parent's house....I lost my shit when the police brought them all over to my aunt's house. I threatened to kill the kid if I ever saw him again, then I turned my attention to his father who was standing there dumbfounded. "And you..." I bellowed pointing at him....and that's when the cop put his nightstick in my chest and shoved me back in the house. My aunt thought the whole thing was the most awesome thing ever. I guess I scared the hell out of the whole family. I would've rather done it this way:
So I just took the kids to see Justice League. I don't like sitting in crowded theaters so I always wait a couple weeks. Anyway, we're walking out and there's a huge line of people waiting for the next showing of the Last Jedi. I turn to my kids and say, "I can't believe they killed Chewbacca! How do they do that? Everyone loves Chewie!" We kept our faces straight as we left, but busted up laughing when we got outside.
I am a legally ordained minister. And a militant atheist. This makes a lot of my family and in laws mad. Well I just got my first pastor gig. The conditions the bride and groom set was that the legal amount they have to pay me for services rendered go to Planned Parenthood. My wife and I subsequently agreed we would match donations up to $1k. Cue everyone hating us. This gonna be fun.
The other option is to allow girls who are that old to develop a healthy and normal attitude towards and relationship with sex and their sexuality instead of instilling in them that it's some terrifying and sinful thing, which is at the root of a shitload of really fucked up things about our country and society, along with helping them learn how to have safe and responsible sex instead of being too afraid to learn about it from reputable sources and having a higher likelihood of unplanned pregnancy and STDs. But sure that sounds like def the most awesome thing ever.
I'll bet you're just a barrel of fun when everyone is sitting around and telling stories about their life experiences.
Good for you. Have you ever been traumatized by a boyfriend and wished you had an overbearing and physically imposing male relative there to help?
I prefer for my dad to not be involved with my sex or dating life at all. But in these cases, you're not talking about being traumatized by a boyfriend. You're talking about having consensual sex within a relationship at an age where it's very normal and expected for that to happen (presumably with someone where it wouldn't be illegal because I figured that would've been mentioned- but if that was the case with the cousin then I take back a lot of what I said, although the eye rolling over putting the "fear of God" in someone for being a teenager who wants to have sex remains).