Uh... How do you pet a wild animal that would rather eat you then look at you? Do you offer them buttercups or maybe bewitch them with a story? I'm pretty sure no one has come away from attempting to pet a wild hog unscathed.
My favourite exit is anytime someone leaves a long-winded “goodbye” post about how they’ve enjoyed this place, but it’s just not holding to their standards blah blah blah so sad to go but can’t stay blah blah blah...
You underestimate the Texas spirit of “fuck you, hold my beer, watch this!” Regarding petting wild hogs, now that I have sufficient animals (read: geese) to scare them away from our landscaped yard, I have taken up the sport of hiding in a tree and jumping on them with a knife to slit their throats. No bullet holes, more meat and easier to butcher. Not dumb enough to go without a pistol on my hip just in case, but once I get better at this, I’d like to try the thrill. Eventually, I’d love to hog hunt with a homemade atlatl.
Let me know when you're ready to hog hunt Mississippi style. I go out in the woods naked and grunt like I'm taking a huge shit to draw them in. As soon as a hog makes a move at me I charge, boner first (Did I mention that I'm masturbating in the woods? No? Well, I am) Trust me, no pig, human being, or alien from another planet is mentally prepared for a 6'7" masturbating drunk charging at them from out of the woods,
Calling you on your bluff. You got the property, I have my brother who’s a hog killer too and we got the airline miles. Time and place.
Not a whole lot of wild hogs here in Las Vegas, but maybe I could scare up an upset cat or something.
Wait you just said let me know when you’re ready to go hog hunting Mississippi style. I know people in small towns all around there. That’s where I learned to cook. I’m ready. Show me an alligator and I’ll show you dinner. Wouldn’t be my first time.
I had to do a damn “diary room” thing describing myself. They wanted a tag line. I settled on “smart, nerdy, the fun kind of crazy.” No mention of the brain tumor. You never get a trophy for growing up.
https://www.shabbychic.com/pages/stores I took the time to google it because I thought their had to be some funny in their somewhere. According to a people magazine article I found, if she did Jessica Simpson's nursery, that would mean she is working under the Shabby Chic brand. That makes sense, they have stores in Santa Monica California, a couple stores in Japan, and a store in BFE Texas. Yep, that is the funny I was looking for, your sister delivered.
In an effort to expand my wife's culinary horizons beyond hamburgers and french fries, I've decided that one night each week I'm going to cook something I've never made or that she's never had (like homemade egg drop soup -- she's had it before, but homemade is intensely better). Tonight I'm starting off easy with homemade pizza, topped with prosciutto, shallots and fresh thyme. This will gradually be upgraded to more exotic stuff like skillet "pizza" on homemade pita with fresh greens, jalapeno and duck egg. Gonna be fun.
I'm now in Toronto to meet some friends who are flying in. It's funny how a conversation around "hey, my Ukrainian passport expires soon and I have to go to the embassy to renew it" can spiral into a last-minute fly-in drink fest. It's gonna be fun.
Totally. If I had a nickel for every time I've renewed my Ukrainian Passport in Toronto, well, I'd have the same amount of nickels.
Used my new lankseys knife sharpener. Promptly sliced my thumb wide open. I think I’m doing it wrong.