Did you know “polygamist ninjas” is a thing? Neither did I. Luckily, our hero owned a sword and was able to defeat them.
I'm more curious about the "screwdriver machete." I want one. I wanna know what it is first, but then I want one. *edit* sorry it said screwdriver matches. I still want a screwdriver machete, whatever that is. And now I wanna know what a screwdriver match is, and what the hell a match would have to do with killing a person.
For getting rid of the body of course. For someone that knows all the possible motivations of a public masturbator, I'm surprised you don't already know this.
Yesterday, Jungle Julia and I stopped at a gas station, and I found a cheap cell phone in the parking lot. I opened it, and found that it still had service. JJ decided to go through it, and found out a few things: 1) It was last used the night before, at 11:20 PM, by some guy named Jesse, and he was involved in some kind of shady transaction there. 2) He has a relationship with a woman named Rosa, which is currently on the rocks. So Jungle Julia took a picture of the crease in her elbow, and sent it to Rosa (making it look like an ass-crack), and said "This is where Jesse was last night." JJ pretended to be Jesse's other woman (and apparently Rosa had been suspecting this for some time), and she kept this up for awhile in text. Eventually her ruse was discovered when she said that Jesse was right there with her, and Rosa said that he was, in fact, with her. I don't even know what JJ did with that phone. Anyway, if you will excuse me, I'm going to head out to do acid with Jungle Julia tonight/this morning. Y'all have fun, now.
Tonight while my wife was in the middle of an orgasm, she somehow backhanded the dildo out from between her lady bits and the hard plastic battery compartment hit me square in the mouth. Bled for a solid few minutes despite pressure, but from the horribly loud *crack!* it made we're just glad I didn't chip any teeth. That would have been an exceptionally embarrassing story. It's normally.... uhm, hard, to kill the mood for me, but that did it. Not only am I getting sex again tomorrow, but we also agreed I have a freebie prank on her now where she can't do shit back. Should be fun. Especially since now that she's preggo she wets herself when I scare her.
Careful when you say that my man, sex is never "free." You're either paying for it by making a nice dinner instead of ordering pizza or you're being extra nice and cleaning up your "damn tools" from around the house. At least with prostitutes the transaction is straightforward. Or so I've heard.
Tucker Max? Isn't that the short guy who tried to make a shitty movie about picking up sluts at the bar that flopped horribly?