'The witness heard Darwin say, “next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no way this is real. Holy shitballs the whole article is filled with redneck gold. It's like the stars aligned. "The gator tried to eat me and this was revenge, pure and simple. I don’t have no sexual attraction to gators, but I wanted to teach this bitch a lesson. I could have just killed her, but that would have been too easy. She was getting what she deserved." '“It was the damn strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” the witness told police. “The gator didn’t even move. It was like it didn’t give a s**t that man was having sex with it.”' You mad, gator? I ain't even mad, bro.
Isn't that TLC's new Fall reality show? Gator Fuckin' And the lead to that article: Um, no. No it's not. It's on the same level. The exact same level. It's sex, with an animal, and how do you even have sex with a parrot? (Asking for a friend.)
... Riiiight. You just stick with that story. I'm just bustin' your balls, toytoy. As a show of good faith, here's a clip from "The Upright Citizens Brigade." Comedy Central FINALLY put the sketches online. Watch it until the end to see how it ties in with the original posting. http://www.cc.com/video-clips/6ujrgd/upright-citizens-brigade-ugly-club-s-new-member
Posted this over in the baseball thread and was told I should throw it over here too. Baseball commissioner crowding the box at the all star game last night
Just syphilis. Not sure if it was from Tinder girl, though. You can catch syphilis through awkward hugs where you accidentally step on her feet, right?
Oooohhhh....you're supposed to move AWAY when hard things are coming towards your vagina. #beendoingitwrong
Didn't think hard things went near there for you anymore? Oh wait that is what the teenage boys are for.
Only those hard things that you do not want to come towards vagina. Oh and those hard things under the age of 18.
It's uncanny how many people are allegedly from Missouri. What is not uncanny is the number of them that tell you that, followed with 'It's the 'Show Me' state, you'll have to show me.' Fuck you. You know the only good thing about Missouri? You can leave. Give it back to the French, the Spanish, the English, fuck, even ISIS, I don't care. It's got to go.
I was a little confused at first, started to get it, and then it was clarified when it flashes his Twitter at the end. Then I just thought it was hilarious. I'll tell 'em that to his face, in cursive.
The way he can look and act the part just makes it better. Reminds me way too much of some of my family in Illinois. My brother just invited me and my girlfriend to join him and some friends on a pedal pub tomorrow night. Or in other words, trying to drink while blocking downtown traffic in one of these monstrosities: Spoiler: Pedal Pub Here's the kicker- $39 per seat for a group of 10, and that doesn't include any booze (what the fuck?). I'm amazed they're still in business.
Oh you guys, *sniff*, it's like I never left. On a different note, never switch from Apple to droid. Just...don't. I don't care what Bundy has to say. Or xray. They are both WRONG!