Possum are everywhere here. They are incapable of not getting hit by a car. Stupid neighborhood cat decided to get cocky with one of these. Kitty isn't with us anymore. People still eat these fucking things too.
Fuck those demon-spawn. Ratty-ass, razor-toothed and look like the sandworms from Beetlejuice. They run towards headlights like lovers on a beach.
We don't have problems with squirrels, raccoons or possums. In my yard it is the rabbits that are the little fuckers. Asshole mooches that wait until we've spent money and time and sweat planting our shit and then helping themselves. I don't care how cute they are.. if I thought for one moment that catching one, putting its carcass on a spike and setting it on display in our garden would actually scare the rest away, I'd do it without batting an eye.
We lived at my step-fathers place in California before moving back to the east coast but while we were there we got introduced to Spermy the possum. He lived somewhere in the back yard and when the rains would come in he would make his way into the garage, eat all the cats food, and scare the shit out of anyone that went to do laundry. That fucker was the size of a Cadillac and would make the meanest sounds.
In order to eat them you have to trap them live and feed them a corn diet for at least a few days, otherwise they taste like shit. I have heard some guys brine them in vinegar instead but I haven't tried it that way.
The other day I was driving around town when I saw a 4 foot tall, wood-framed, chicken wire fence surrounding a small garden in someone's front yard. On the top of the fence was this sign: Which made me wonder: Does the owner of the garden think the rabbits will understand this sign and think twice before attempting to scale the fence? Or perhaps they are having problems with people putting rabbits inside the fence for some strange reason? Or maybe they put the sign there to inform neighbors of their reason for constructing such a fence. Whatever it is, it's fucking retarded.
Yes, it certainly wasn't the best thing I have ever tried and I wouldn't order it at a restaurant, I have ate all kinds of weird redneck shit. Beaver sautéed with butter and mushrooms is actually pretty good.
Growing up in New Zealand we had these little fuckers infesting every forest in the country and killing off native plants and animals like they were going out of fashion. If you saw one on the road it was your duty to try and hit the little fucker. As kids we used to laugh our asses off whenever Dad hit one in the car and it was even better if you could feel it hit under where your seat was. Could almost promise you'd catch one in the trap at least once or twice a week.
Nothing starts off a morning like a headline that says "Two NYC performance artists to spend ten days eating, sleeping and living on a giant hamster wheel."
I really think it depends on the raccoon and the area they are tangling in. Getting into it with a raccoon in a swamp, he might drown your dog. At least, that's what Where the Red Fern Grows taught me.
Pairs well with slippery nipples Is that an offer? Like, when the teacher says "Who wants a cookie?" Black Jesus must be passed out, because you posted this almost an hour ago, and he didn't respond with a NSFCMC tag post. Obligatory.
Living in the city, I haven't had a good squirrel or raccoon story since college. But in a semi-rural college town, they were rampant. The squirrels in the dorm quads were pretty damn friendly and tame. There was one we named Dorito cause he would come up to the window of my friend's room, which had the flat roof of their entryway to the door a floor below just outside it, and eat whatever we left on the windowsill once we noticed him peaking in a few times. Well, it got tame and comfortable enough that if we left a trail or put the snacks a few feet in, he'd come fully 5-6 feet inside the window and sit there eating, while pleasantly chattering away at us. Well, one time, my dumbass dorm neighbor thought it would be HILARIOUS to close the window behind him once he entered. HOLY SHIT, that little mofo flipped out, in the span of about 30 seconds, he jumped onto both lofted bunk beds, clawed/bit through two of the wood window frames and then dashed into the hall where I ushered him down the stairs and out. I've never seen 6'+ men be terrified of a small creature like they were scared of that squirrel. Fast forward to my last year of college, we lived in the shittiest of houses. It was two apartments stacked on top of each other, not really well built, various structural problems, but the worst of it was its predisposition to letting raccoons into the attic through the slanted roof. Well not only did the raccoons get into the attack, but the walls as well. Thankfully I lived on the first floor, but my friend on the second floor used to hear them climbing through the walls and, better yet, loudly fucking 5 feet from his head as he was trying to sleep. Those things were also mean as hell if you were up on the roof, where we used to hang out and drink all the time, at nightfall.
In college, my sophomore year, I heard two raccoons fighting by a dumpster. The sound was unforgettable. I went out to see what was going on, and as I stepped out my door, the victor casually strolled by me. The guy was literally 5ft from me and couldn't have given a fuck. I heard from a friend who saw the coon that lost the fight, apparently he was less well off, I guess there was some blood and borderline dismemberment.
There's a local radio station (94.5) that lets call-in game contestants pick a show host to help answer questions for them... every single time. How the fuck is it an actual contest if the dumbass host is answering for you?? I cringe every time I flip through stations and hear their voices. The same adults that axed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd awards for their kids in lieu of participation ribbons so EVERYONE is special and nobody loses are just doing it for themselves now. 93.7 on the other hand has a lovely game show called "Queef or Fart," where they play five sounds for the contestants and they have to guess which of the two it was. Obviously it's women doing the queefing, but they only play farts from women too. It's like a terrible awful fiery car accident along the highway, where you really shouldn't look and will probably regret it BUT YOU HAVE TO! My cousins used to have a pair of dogs on their dairy farm that were inseperable (border collie and rat terrier) and as a team they killed a lot of raccoons and possums, with scars to show for it. Even as a two on one fight, it's amazing how tough raccoons are when cornered in a barn. They have to be "up there" on the list of pound-for-pound ferocity, at least in North America. But according to Imgur and Reddit and Facebook they're so cuddly and cute, right?