Windburn, in theory, says "this guy is hard as fuck and has spent time roughing it in the outdoors". In reality, it says "this guy has windburn because he was too stupid to stay inside like normal, decent people".
If a kid survives all that it will be born wearing red boots and a cape. I have used countless condoms throughout my studies, and those things are more reliable than a Husqvarna chainsaw. Never once a Code Red alert. I know that's not luck, because pretty much every guy I know paraphrases the same thing.
Here in America it doesn't matter how many shitty decisions you make, you're entitled to a middle class existence so long as you vote for the blue guy.
Dude, I have ruptured enough Asian condoms to repopulate the fucking moon. I expect the next time I use a Trojan to smell like the asphalt after a drag race. However, I have done condoms, birth control, plan b AND pulling out. If that bitch gets pregnant, I'm naming the kid Rasputin.
In case any of you happen to stroll through Trader Joe's and want to try something new - if that something new is Diet Hansen's Black Cherry Soda, just keep on strolling. My daughter likes the root beer, and I decided to see if the black cherry was worth it. No, it is not. I even tried mixing it with various boozes, and it didn't work out. Mixing it with Flor de cana made it taste inexplicably like coconut rum.
This is kind of what happened with me and the ex...we were using birth control (not condoms, she's allergic to latex), and she got pregnant regardless. I remember everyone had a "Viking Sperm" joke...
There is some irony to life, there are so many couples that can't have kids that go extraordinary lengths to have them (my oldest brother) and then you have teenagers that are fucking stupid that have kids and don't want them, then 17 years later their kids have kids.
I love my coworkers and have fun with them but holy fuck is this true. If you can just avoid having a kid in highschool, the sky is the limit. They ask me all the time if I want kids. Well yeah, I'm just not fucking dumb enough to have one while I'm waitressing. Seriously?
Having lived in a place that had no last call so to speak, people will drink until you stop serving them.
He said it would alleviate a lot of problems. One I think it might help is what I call Drunk Group Syndrome, when you have every bar empty at two, and groups of drunk, angry horny people all simultaneously mix with other hated demographics from other exiting bars and a melting pot shitstorm occurs along the bar district of threats, fights or worst of all name-calling. I think a later bar time would put a strain on that nightly disaster.
Either that, or it would allow people to get so wasted, they die of alcohol poisoning thereby ridding the world of douchebags. Its science.
Where is Noland? The later drink time would mean nothing. If you've been to New Orleans you know this. People still have jobs in the morning so it is what it is. And that idea only works if you have the NOLA cleaning crew. Holy shit, the day after NYE, there wasn't a trace of it in the French Quarter. I was back out at 11 and its like nothing happened. I need to go back there pronto.
Hence why my girlfriend insists that we keep using condoms in addition to her birth control, and I'm not arguing against it. No need to start populating the world with little katokochs yet, and I don't think our very, very Catholic families would be very happy either. I had a condom break once and was so happy to hear my girlfriend was on her period, never thought that could happen. I think my parents talked to me for a total of maybe five minutes about sex when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and the overall message was "Just don't do it. Until you're married." That worked really well. There is an awesome pizza place in Dinkytown called Mesa, ajacent to the U of M campus here and situated directly inbetween two fratty dive bars. The line that stretches out the door from 12-3am is where about half of the fights I witnessed during college started. I remember seeing one guy from one group make a joke about someone's Cubs hat in another (deservedly so) and it instantly started a brawl. Melting pot shitstorm is a good way to describe it, that line was a clusterfuck every night.
Mesa pizza is fantastic. Although I don't eat there anymore because I had to cut down on all the pizza I used to eat. The one thing that always annoyed me about that place was the entitled douchebags who worked there and always gave me dirty looks when I didn't throw a dollar in their tip jar. Fucker, the sum total of your service to me was grabbing a slice of pizza and putting it into a takeout box. Perform an actual real service job and like waiting and I'll tip you.
I hate how every place has a tip jar now. Burrito places. Ice cream places. You can't create a place where the idea is that you have to be served by someone in order to get your food that is not a full service restaurant and then expect a tip. There are no variables in the quality of service. Take cold stone or marble slab. You make an ice cream place where the only way to get ice cream is for them to smash all the shit together and put it in a cup. And then you want a tip? You forced me to have ice cream that way. Don't even get me started on some of these yogurt places where you make the whole fucking thing yourself and then they want a tip for some unknown reason. I'm a very generous tipper at restaurants because I've waited tables and I know how it is. But the reason people go to quick service places to eat is because they don't want the full restaurant experience which is generally more expensive.
Quick question, did you give yourself the pizza? No, so they deserve a dollar in addition to the standard wage they receive. I'm just kidding though. Its like at Starbucks, why should you tip them for doing what they should and it isn't the expected norm? Who would ever tip at Starbucks? If you tip a dollar do they throw in a free bag of beans or somehow make it better than they would've? I just don't get it. Or like when you're getting beers at a bar. You're expected to tip, but all they are doing is pouring a pint, I could teach an 8 year old to do that, there is no skill involved. I really would I didn't have to tip when they just crack open a bottle. That just annoys me.
We went to the one in Uptown on the night before my brother's bachelor party in December and it was fantastic but just not the same as Dinkytown. Did countless drunken walks home with a slice of mac 'n cheese or Philly cheesesteak or the taco pizza drenched in Sriracha in a hand. If you aren't fortunate enough to have been there, Mesa serves gigantic pizza slices and they rotate 1-2 dozen crazy varieties. It's the best late night food you can imagine. I very much agree with the tip jar there, the stoners running it can be super flakey. Like staring off into space in the middle of a buzzing kitchen while my slice of pizza is NOT in the oven flakey. Tips for most counter service seems like bullshit anyways, I'll save my tips for table service and others where they actually earn it and tip well for good service. So... don't then. Freedom of choice! Bartenders here: what's your opinion on tipping?
So I don't have to because its America and we have freedom. But so do the bartenders who will just ignore me afterwards. So unless I'm grabbing a dozen bottled beers, I really should tip if I want to be helped again.