are psychotic. We never feed them, nor do we have a bird feeder. But they hang out around the house, and will run along the rail of our deck, sidle up to the window, and stare you down until you have to avert your eyes before they notice the tears forming there, and your quivering lower lip. Last summer, one squirrel tried to break into our kitchen by chewing through the wooden window frame. He worked on this over several days, only to find out that there was a metal plate under the frame. At that point, he ripped a hole in our screen, climbed into the kitchen and ran amok in our house until i got home and chased him out. I still have no idea why he was so determined to get in - again, we don't feed them, we don't leave food on the counter, we didn't have a big can of peanut brittle near the window - that squirrel was just crazy.
We have a 100 lb lab mix. My mom was visiting and went to let die wudermutt outside. My mom is apparently not a dog person, so when the pup took after a squirrel, my mom didn't know enough to let go of the leash. Just like you'd picture in a cartoon, there was a 100 lb dog chasing a squirrel while dragging a 125 lb old lady across the lawn. If only we'd have got it on video.
I have compiled a list to help you blend in more seamlessly in your new lifestyle. - Eat a tube of Crest for dinner - Newspaper makes the best insulation, but only if you poop on it first - Get a UTI from fucking on piles of garbage - Pick at the open sore on your thigh until it leaks clear fluid - A switch you cut from a public tree can be used to wash your asshole - Wash your asshole near a public fountain. You don't necessarily have to be in it, or even using its water - A day can be spent at the library next to a student trying to finish a paper - A dirty needle is as good as a toolkit
Black Jesus, without fail you make me laugh. I'd be sad if some angry Jehovah's witness god bothering type killed you after you threw feces in their face while drinking a cocktail for interrupting your happy fun time with some interracial midget porn.
If I found myself on the streets, I would be scoring a boom box and the streets can provide the cardboard. "Homeless" is replaced by "street performer".
Sorry to interrupt the homeless talk but this chick looks like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus had a kid, and she grew up to be hot. Then did Playboy.
Those pics are kinda scary because of how much she does look like the two of them. *shiver* ew On a lighter note today is NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY!!!! I cannot believe no one had posted that already. Bunch of slackers.
God help me I think that haircut is hot as shit. Onto pancakes: 27 pancake recipes Blueberry is obviously the best still:
I learned in the past month that putting a packet or two of apple cinnamon instant oatmeal into baking mix pancake batter makes them awesome and filling. Last weekend the local grocery store had a special on some real maple syrup too, it was totally worth it.
Brad Pitt likes pancakes: Spoiler What's with the whole being scared of squirrels? They're adorable: Spoiler
Squirrels aren't so bad, but I'd rather not pet one. Raccoons on the other hand are evil fucking animals that will fuck your shit up
I find it odd that guys borrow their girl's clothes now. Why not share haircuts? When you're wearing skin tight jeans and a shirt 2 sizes too big, why not get a sexy haircut, fellas? Raccoons are adorable. Listening to them chatter to each other is hilarious... until you realize that chatter is them plotting to murder you and your family in the most heinous ways. Those fuckers cannot be trusted. I had an infestation winter before last. If I had a gun at the time I would be in jail still for having discharged it in a residential area at the fucker trying to burrow THROUGH my roof into the attic. There are chew marks in every corner of my roof where this shithead tried to get in. He finally got himself into my garage by hanging upside down from the roof overhang to chew away at the ventilation screening. Hell, I was impressed. Spent like $400 on a trapper to get rid of him, only to find out there was still the female and 5 babies. No way was I going to spend over a grand getting rid of them, so I just waited until they fucked off around April. Every night I'd hear them. In the morning there'd be food in the pool where they cleaned it... and about once a week a lovely pile of blueberry turds submerged on the first step. Often looked out the window, see them on the back porch, just sitting there like they owned me. Which they did. If I had a wife, they probably would have taken turns fucking her in front of me. Bested by a 10 pound critter. Now every crack, crevice, niche, and opening is blocked off with chicken wire. They moved on to the neighbor's the next winter.
Ever been walking at night and see a raccoon only to realize you're in its personal space? Yea, not fun. Those fuckers have a comfort zone, and if you're in it, you will know.
My uncle kept a "pet" raccoon. My hyperactive (years ago they called it ADS--Attention Deficient Syndrome) brother thought it would be funny to get close to the cage and taunt him. Ripped his shirt to shreds, along with damage to his chest. The raccoon went nuts. My brother thought it was funny. I don't even think this was the stupidest thing he did as a kid. So, you're saying that's a girl's haircut the fellas are borrowing? Interesting.
The two land scavengers around here are skunks and raccoons. Bob and Steve are the two skunks who live behind my shed and they try to get at the garbage at any given window. However skunks usually avoid trouble. A raccoon will tear a large and capable dog to pieces, they are burglar-masked wolverines that can tear clams open with their hands and have powerful jaws. They also are really apt at getting hit by speeding cars at night.