Yeah, I mean bread, over and over? I would've expected more from the King of Ducks. I would've rolled up with some grapes and rice and stolen his entire flock right from under him, then laugh at the poser that he is.
Fucking raccoon. They've been real bad this year, about a month ago those shit heads got into a neighbor's attic, chewed through their wiring and jacked up their water heater. They've been fucking with my trash cans too, I'm real close to buying a metal one, wrapping some wire around it and hooking it up to a lawn mower battery. Thing is they keep eating the food out of the hog trap before I can catch those fuckers too, so I decided to use their assholeness against them. 40 lbs of corn at the back of the trap and motion detector with the alarm by my rifle. Anyone who says there is no purpose for an automatic rifle that can hold 30 rounds and shoot as fast as you pull the trigger has never had a hog or coon problem. 5.56 rounds have a funny way of dealing with problems. There are four less raccoon in the world now, and I can go to sleep a proud man. **edit** Just exterminated two more. Those stupid fucks came back to see what happened to their buddies.
Nah. Leave 'em to rot in the hog traps. Two birds with one stone. Worse comes to worse you only catch a coyote or two.
My wife can't get over the idea of where the meat comes from though. Squirrel is a great example. Tastes delicious, looks like a cute rat. Food will get a lot tatier though this weekend when I get my new bbq pit. Tax return back and my wife has discovered the deliciousness of smoked meat. She wants me to get a big off-set pit. I can't complain.
I had raccoon troubles year before last. They got in my garage to breed. Didn't F anything up, so I just waited for them to leave before chicken wiring my soffits. They're adorable until they shit blackberry cobbler in my pool. More importantly, where the fuck did they get those berries? Nobody in the neighborhood has a berry bush. This does not include the time last year I caught two of them straight up fucking on the first step of the pool. He was PILE DRIVIN' that ass. Cooking one? Eh. Let's see what happens to Steve-o when he eats coon-ass cookin': Oh, I'll stick to chicken.
Squirrel isn't bad. Doesn't look bad, eat's good food, not a lot of meat though and a little game-y. Opossum, nutria, that shit just doesn't sound remotely appetizing. I know what they eat at least around here, and that's nothing I want in my body. I don't care what they said in that video about the road kill being cooked enough. There's no amount of "enough cooking" to get the road kill part out of the road kill.
Not quite raccoons, but possums. I'd hatched a plan in Mississippi, but never got to carry it out. Buy a bunch of glow in the dark paint and when I caught a possum in my garbage, pour it all over him. Wait a few days and listen to my neighbors freaking out about the ghost rat that was in the neighborhood. On an almost related note: One of my buddies was a freak about cleaning his truck. Don't eat in it, don't drink in it...I'm surprised he didn't make folks take off their shoes before getting in it. He was always cleaning his truck. He was absolutely anal about it. One day he came across an injured buzzard. A big, goddamn, filthy, ugly buzzard. What does he do? He stops, picks it up, and puts it in the passenger seat to take it to the vet. A buzzard. In the front seat. I can understand feeling bad and wanting to help the thing, but this was a pick up. At the very best, a buzzard gets to ride in the back. The big, foul bird spent the entire trip vomiting the contents of it's stomach all over the cab of his truck. (If you're unfamiliar with buzzards...they eat dead decaying shit they find. They're like a fucking garbage truck for dead animals.) His truck ended up smelling like rotting death mixed with vomit.
You just gave me a fantastic idea. To all raccoon in the surrounding area: If you are reading this, I come in peace. I just need you for one small favor.
I just sold my night vision scope. Gen 1 didn't work well for my purposes, couldn't see far enough and too much cover here anyway for the moonlight. But it was 5 years old and I sold it for $40 shy of what I paid so I can't complain. My idea is since coons generally eat in groups, if I can get a few with glow in the dark paint I'll turn em loose and then just take out the group with buckshot.
I've eaten roadkill deer, and it was just fine. The trick is to toss them in the pickup when they're still twitching. edit Re: Glow in the dark Possum -- I scare deer out of my yard by shooting them with a paintball gun. When the orange and green spotted ones start showing up in the neighbors' yards they know I've been busy.