3/21/14 NATIONAL PUPPY DAY WDT (still NSFW, weird)

That fanny pack is how to be awesome. No matter who you are, whether it be a refined businessman, a girl going to prom, or a little kid, a fanny pack is always a good idea. Those shorts are pretty amazing too.

 

Mushroom grip has to refer to the world's worst handjob.

Who the hell is Iggy Azalea? Her "music" is an affront to a loving God, but lawd dat ass....

Proof:

 

Mushroom grip has nothing on dry sand paper hands. Jesus christ, my member has never been in so much pain.

 

What is it with these white chick rappers who try to sound like they're from the deepest, blackest part of the fucking ghetto? If you're a good rapper, great, it doesn't matter where you're from. But you don't have to change your fucking dialect to do so.

 

If my cochleas had wrists, they would be slitting them with a fucking lightsabre.

Remember when Black Jesus said anybody can be a fashion designer? Well, ANYBODY can be a signed recording artist. Don't believe me? Go on YouTube and type "Design The Skyline". You won't regret it.

Spoiler

Oh you will ENTIRELY fucking regret it, son.

 

Ahem. But dat ass,tho...

 

Yup, I listened to her music for about 10 seconds and stopped because I don't want to completely ruin this:

 

Did Brokencyde reinvent themselves?

 

I dig Miss Eighty 6. She's better looking although doesn't have anywhere near the booty Iggy does.

 

I recently re-started taking pole and chair classes. In my last chair class we did some wall twerking.



WHY THE SHIT ARE MY SHOULDERS SO FUCKING SORE? I did not expect this.


Yes, the image of me twerking is as awkward and sad as you're envisioning. I can understand being sore after pole, but the floor / chair class isn't supposed to kill my damn shoulders.

Also - baseball in sub-freezing temps can eat a dick.

 

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The world is a little bit worse off with these clowns making "music". It also saddens me that death metal seems to be the go-to genre for no-talent assclowns that want to try to disguise their lack of talent and/or skill.

 

So I have a little rule that goes like this: Take a measuring tape and use it to find the circumference of one butt cheek, running the tape under your crotch so you can get it around. If that number is equal to or more than the circumference of your waist, your ass is too big.

 

I'm trying to fathom how people can listen to shit like that and enjoy it, and I'm drawing a total blank. Listening to their songs is like getting hit in the head with a sledge hammer. I have a friend who blares death medal and I have to actively avoid riding in his car with him.

Super human ass aside I really don't find Iggy attractive. She looks creepy. She belongs in a horror movie where evil dolls come to life.

 

That's Screamo. Death metal may be guttural, terrifying and hard to make out, but there's talent in the instrumentation for some bands. Screamo, as you pointed out, is for no-talents.
Who flat-iron their bangs and cut themselves.

Brokencyde FTW YO!

 

Death Metal is an acquired taste, that's for sure. Good death metal will have good musicality - just like any music - even if seems obscured by the harshness of the vocals. I'm not really into it myself because I prefer clean vocals, but I'll listen to a few select bands every once in awhile when I'm in the mood. Here's an example of good death metal:

 

Arch Enemy is modern power metal. Like Killswitch Engage and Iron Maiden before them.

Death metal sounds like someone fucking a garbage disposal:



See also Deicide, Obituary, Morbid Angel, Dimmu Borgir... burgir? Whatever, it's all shit. All that black metal shit from Sweden and Norway too. I can't hear it without thinking they're summoning a giant troll. There is nothing more ridiculous than a metal fan. How the fuck do you listen to this shit all day everyday? It has to do something to your brain. Liiiiiike:

Varg Vikernes of Burzum who thought it would be metal to kill a rival in the band Mayhem and burn down 3 churches. Two years earlierMayhem's singer killed himself so the rest of the band made necklaces from his skull fragments. Fucking black metal.

 

..and given the short murder sentences in Scandanavia, that dead-eyed sociopath is a free man. For cold blooded first degree murder. " I will continue to support and hopefully take part in the burning of churches." Fuck, have a Snickers.

 

You're not making any sense. Are you dismissing Death & Black metal or all metal? Because I listen to metal every damn day but as I said in my other post rarely listen to death metal and I don't care for black metal.

 

I'm actually listening to a Dio tribute album this very second. "This Is Your Life."

Black and death metal are patently absurd. While I dig me some metal, I find metal fans to be ridiculous. I just can't lump any performer that attempts to sing in with the retard metal crowd.

 

There is no way he's dismissing all metal. It has an insane amount of sub-genres. Thrash. Doom. New Wave British. Power. Groove. Death. Viking. Stoner. Satanic Black. Industrial. Nu. Hardcore/Grindcore. Gothic. Those and many more.