I don't think she has any obligation or duty to end the friendship if she doesn't want to. For sure, tell him that she wants to keep things platonic (if that's what she wants), but then the balls in his court. It's on him to decide if he wants to continue being her friend after that. And if he bottles up his feelings and says and acts like it's ok with him when it's really not, that's not her responsibility to worry about. If he continues to act and behave like her friend after this, then she's fine to continue being his friend.
Except that you know exactly how this will go. He's already told her that he believes that, some day, she'll feel the same way about him as he feels about her. So even if she says she's not interested, he's not hearing "I'm not interested"... he's hearing "I'm not interested yet". The world is full of people who aren't creepy. Why maintain a friendship with a creepy person?
While I agree there is no obligation to end anything, Angel has correctly explained exactly what will happen. Now if you're fine knowingly stringing someone along because you enjoy their company or whatever by all means do it, but don't act like anything other than stringing them along is whats happening.
If she's really as good a friend as she says she is then she'll let him go so he can move on. Otherwise this guy will keep on pining on for her and might sabotage other relationships. Honestly, I think the whole "well he's an adult too" thing is a complete cop out. Guys do that too when they keep sleeping with a woman who they know wants more although she might say she doesn't. We simply say things like "oh well then the ball is in his/her court" and move on as if this gives us some soft of carte blanche. Sure, you can't change how other people act, but you can control what you do. So if he pretends to be ok and she pretends to not realize that he's pining for her then everything it's fine? You honestly don't think it'll color everything that happens going forward? Will she be able to go to him to lean on due to other relationships when she knows how he feels? Because that'd be a pretty shitty thing to do.
Sure, if Sooner doesn't want to be his friend anymore because he got the case of the creepies then that's fine and understandable. Telling someone, "I'm only interested in you as a platonic friend and would like things to remain at that level" is not stringing them along. Even if he interprets that to mean he still has a chance if he just tries hard enough, that's on him, not her. People keep saying "let him go" as if she has some sort of magic hold on him. She doesn't; they're friends, not married. Once she tells him how she feels the only thing she then needs to prepare to accept is that he may not want to be friends with her anymore - that's about the only context where "letting go" can make sense in this situation. Also, holding adults accountable for acting like adults isn't a cop-out. So what if he pretends to be ok with it, how is she supposed to know? Second guess everything he does to somehow divine whether or not he's being sincere about the situation? If after she tells him how she feels and he says he's ok with it, and she wants to maintain the friendship that's it - take him for his word and continue being friends. And if, like Angel and others have said, he's insincere and ends up suffering for it it's his own damn fault, and Soonergal need not feel any guilt over it. In case it needs to be said, everything I just wrote assumes Soonergal is interesting in remaining his friend.
Soonergal is my age, give or take. Presumably this guy is similarly aged. What he needs to do is grow the fuck up and not act like a fucking teenager. The message he sent her was fucked up and creepy. The relationship is irretrievably poisoned. Cut the guy loose.
I think we'll need some more evidence submitted to the booty/booby thread before we can say this affirmatively.....
I wanted to chime in here to say that since the creepy text, he's tried to call me a couple of times and he has text me a couple of times. The last time I heard from him, he text me and said "I really need to talk..." then he text me a couple minutes later and said "I hope you know I was fucking with you the other night... I really thought that was your friend texting from your phone and asking if I was interested in dating her". Now, this text came 4 days after the original creepy text and as I said in my last post, since that final text, he's either blocked me on FB or he's deactivated his account... Clearly saying that shit now about "I thought you were your friend" is bullshit because you would've told me that long before now so to me it's obvious that he realizes what a fucking creepy ass thing he did. That being said, I wanted to say a couple things about this... 1) I was never attracted to him in the entire time we've been friends nor have I ever acted like I was or even made a joke about anything that he could ever mistake for anything but friends. 2) My friendship with him was completely mutual. In fact, he probably spent more times talking about things in his relationship then I did in mine because there were a lot of issues there (I'm sure no one is surprised about that). 3) We were also colleagues so part of our friendship was also very work related. Never once in my friendship with him did I ever think/wonder/suspect that he had feelings. Now, at the same time - I'm not stupid and I know that sometimes in these situations, there can be one or the other that could have feelings for the other, but since he'd never indicated anything, I existed in the friendship as if we were equal friends and I appreciated the friendship for what it was. At this point, I feel that it's best to just let it go. I'm going to move on and let him do the same. For him to say something that drastic to me pretty much solidifies that we are very evidently NOT on the same page so truly, how do you recover from that? Honestly, although it's sad to lose a friendship, I kinda feel like I'm not mourning something that was even remotely accurate to what I thought it was... evidently we existed in two different "friendships" so it's time to cut ties and move on.
Here's what I would do... If you want to turn the tables on him, tell him you're really into bug chasing/giving. This means you not only have HIV, but you're turned on at the prospect of spreading it to your partners, that should* scare him away. *May not work if he's already HIV positive. In that case, try not to give him hugs or high-fives or anything. Edit: HIV. #YOLO
That busted link breaks my heart. I guess I will just take solace in the knowledge that my pants fit properly and my genitals were not on display to passersby today.
What're the boards thoughts on meditation? Snake oil or legitimate? I did Tai Chi for a short time and was thoroughly disappointed with it. But that was several years ago and not necessarily the same thing.
It's kind of the same thing as TED talks. If you think they're brilliant and enlightening, so much the better for you, but it's not exactly something I would go around broadcasting.