Sorry, I lurk too much, I think? Plus you're way the hell over there on the east coast. It's my birthday, have done nothing but eat & shop all day, have already started on the vodka, am now headed out to the tavern because the Harley dude has to bartend tonight & the wanker who was supposed to cover for him so we could do something got arrested. Yes, I will be very drunk, very shortly!
I'm at a bar watching the Bulls/Nets game, and on the other TV there's a show called "Bet on Your Baby." My first urge was to throw something at the TV.
Well, one of my purchases today was a leopard print bra & cheeksters.... depends on if I'm sober enough to work the camera!
YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO HOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO FOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY, KNOW WHEN TO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Has anyone else ever noticed that motel toilet paper sucks? I imagine my asshole is glowing like Rudolph's nose on a foggy night. I suppose at least it serves as a nightlight and guides my way if I back around the room in the dark.
I was about to rip on you about not having a roll of toilet paper in your truck & being a redneck when I remembered you turned your rental car in.... Every good road loader* knows that you *must* carry a roll of toilet paper. Or two. It's a given. *Road loading = driving around deserted roads/between towns with drunk people. Females will invariably have to pee, and while we don't mind squatting by a truck tire, we don't like dripping dry.
That's why I save fast food napkins in my glove box. Drunk females will usually balk at squatting behind the truck but when I explain that it's either that or hold it for the next few hours they come to their senses. One girl was so drunk she tipped over into her own pee and started yelling "You cocksucker! Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck!" COCKSUCKER!" I jumped out of the truck to see what the commotion was all about and saw her wallowing in her own shame and started laughing. Oh sweet Jesus was that the wrong thing to do. "Faggot! Cocksucker! Burn in hell you dick!" I was doubled over with laughter and got out the words "You're blaming this on me?" My best friend ended up marrying her. They're still married 20 years later.
Just so we're all on the same page here, are we going to be commenting on this weekend's playoff games here or in The Association thread?
Watching some Norwegian movie on Netflix. There has been what I would characterize as excessive nudity, including an erect penis. And these are all teenagers being portrayed. Different countries. Also I should go to Norway instead of just meeting Norwegians in different places.
I hate when you drink in the afternoon, come back and take the mandatory nap, oversleep and your body clock gets thrown off. I almost feel jet lagged. Its 9pm, I almost feel like its 9am, almost as if I flew to London. I'll rely on booze to fix that.
So I have almond milk in my fridge, and the best by date was, oh, two months ago. I tried exercising frat boy logic (if it looks okay, smells okay, and tastes okay, it's probably okay for consumption), and have been drinking it for the last few days. I think my logic failed, because holy fuck, is my stomach cramping. Then again, I gave the vanilla almond milk bought at the same time to my houseguest, and he seems to be doing fine, so maybe something else is liquefying my insides.