Dog cat integration continues to be a very slow process. Suggestions? Also. Homestead Winery....I have way too many bottles of their product on hand. I will fix that this weekend.
I've read & heard multiple accounts that turning them inside-out makes it feel better for the guy. Take that as you will.
The box comes in a lovely and totally non-threatening lavender shade, so we're going with yes, the pleasure is hers. Remember when purchasing condoms was extremely embarrassing and you hoped that no one saw? Then a couple years later, it was an ego boost and you hoped everyone saw? And now you're complete indifferent while you pay a price that you wish you hadn't seen?
Yeah, have your husband hold the cat down and then you force the dog to straddle the cat and help him simulate the sexual motion. Eventually he'll get a boner and start fucking the cat for real and they'll like each other for a bit. Then the dog will sniff someone's else's crotch, the cat will get jealous, and eat a ton of Hagan Daz and go out into the woods and die of Diabetes. Then you can forget about it and just have a dog. Problem solved.
Get a kitten. It's younger and less likely to be all "Fuck you I'm related to a lion so I think I am one." Your only issue after that is to sit the dog down for a serious talk about how the kitten is not to be eaten. Once the kitten reaches adulthood, sell it to the local Chinese buffet and get a new kitten. Taking integration in another sense, wait until years of genetic research limitations have driven some mad scientist to genetically breed a plush ball of fur that meows, licks profusely, and has a propensity for climbing walls in order to dive-bomb your face while looking cute enough to give Paris Hilton a heart attack.
I am the only one that will tell you to get rid of the stinky, needy, shit on your floor, drool on everything dog. The cat may shit in a box inside, but you can just toss the contents over the neighbor's fence. The wildflower that grows from the refuse will be a symbol of your friendship. Or keep the dog and end up squishing a semi-soft shit log between your toes in the dark. On a regular basis. Everyone will say "oh, that's bullshit. MY dog would never do that unless he was really sick." You're all fucking liars and you know it. Those things are hoovers, sucking up everything including the cat's shit box. It's not that I dislike dogs, I would just never own something that requires that much attention. Yes, yes. My soul is choked by the thorny weeds that smother it. No need to remind me. One caveat: cats get ridiculously needy when they age into bloated, over-fed tumors of meat. Fuck everything, buy a cactus.
They're called vacation days, have you heard of them? Its where people can not to go work, where they still get paid, but don't actually have to go to work. Love this. Also, that Young Humma video can't be real. That "rapper" dude is wearing a fake mustache right? Are these guys kidding? Oddly enough once I stopped watching the video and just listened to the song, it really wasn't horrible. Just sounded simple. I wish I had a dollar for every time Nom took a shot at Childish Gambino, I could be unemployed and rich.
Jesus fucking Christ on a fucking rye bread cracker, when will women fucking leave off with this "ZOMG MEN PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER U PEE ITS NOT DIFFICULT LOLOLOL THANX " passive aggressive fucking bullshit? I was in the PhD lounge at my college today, which has co-ed bathrooms, and there was one of those FUCKING signs there, staring at me as I took a piss, mocking me and all that I stand for. First off, how is your life devoid of pleasure and purpose to the point where you have time to type up and print out passive aggressive signs to post in a study lounge? Secondly, WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, FUCKING SERIOUSLY YOU PEOPLE. My ex-flatmate's girlfriend was exactly the fucking same about this. Constant nagging SHIT about the toilet seat either being up or having piss on it. This in a house where she was the single solitary female with three other guys, so you'd think by default the seat would be up, for efficiency's sake alone. But no. Why do women make this into a huge fucking issue? I don't even blink when I come into the toilet to take a piss and the seat is down, I just put it up. If it's up and I need to take a dump, I put it back down. It's an infinitesimal gesture that takes absolutely zero effort, utilises probably one neural synapse and requires about .7 seconds. I mean seriously, the time it took to open Word, type out the note asking people to put the seat back down, print it, go to the printer, get it, go find some tape and tape it onto the bathroom wall, she could probably have lowered approximately a year's worth of toilet seats. To me, this just screams "I'm a lazy, entitled bitch". It also led me to spending the best part of a year pissing in my flatmate's sink, because I'm spiteful like that.
I don't hear women complain about that often, but when they do I tell them to shut up. It is the minor of all minor inconveniences, turned into a stale 1990's female "men are stupid and we aren't" typical stand-up comic retread that has somehow never found a fittingly horrible death. Not drunk or sober or high or in public or in private or at some strange place have I ever ONCE come even close to falling in the toilet because somebody left the seat up before me. Never have, never will. I have these things called "eyes and hands" and they have proved to be a useful tool in life.
I think it's called "picking your battles". In the big picture, leaving the toilet seat up is a pretty trivial and petty annoyance. You know who complains about that? Nags.
Agreed. Their the genetically deficient ones, why should we have to cater to their evolutionary handicap?
I'm probably going to get mocked ruthlessly for this, but I'm a toilet seat (and more importantly seat cover) down guy. If you leave it up your whole bathroom looks like a public restroom, no matter how good of a job you do of cleaning it, one very small movement is the difference between looking civilized and looking like a frat house.