One time when we went to a restaurant I caught my girlfriend absentmindedly wiping her fries on a pickle spear to soak up the juices. I just sat there staring with this look on my face until she noticed: Don't get me wrong I don't think pickles are that bad, but... pickle juice fries?? What the fuck. I hate it when the pickle juice runs into something it's not supposed to, like everything arount it that isn't a pickle. Soggy burger buns are no bueno, especially when they are soggy with bright green brine.
I really enjoy fried pickles dipped in some sort of spicy sauce. Its a delicious thing around here. You can sometimes find Texas toothpicks which are slices of jalapeno and pickles deep fried. I think that sort of toes the line between combining pickles and other food.
Gah. No. No, I draw the line there. Fried pickles are disgusting. Pickles are great. Fried things are great. Fried pickles are not great. You bite into them and you get boiling hot pickle juice squirting out at you. And then what? The whole pickle slides out of the fried shell. So you have hot pickle juice and hot pickle, and fried shell. Epic failure. Hot pickle = no bueno.
Anyone had rocky mountain oysters? I don't know that I'd be brave enough to try something that starts out looking like this: Even if they end up looking as innocent as this:
I guess that sounds like the fried pickle experience of someone with Downs Syndrome. Its not really all that complicated.
Well, now my stomach hurts from reading that gross description. Hot pickle juice is a turnoff I've decided. Maybe she should put extra sour cream on it. During one of my drug stages I think I told my husband to go buy a new microwave. I went to heat up soup the other day and it was broken and I was all "great, now I can't have soup." And then I realized, "hey, wait, I have this thing called a stove." So I had soup. Well, I hear stuff going on down there, so I guess I should go see what he bought. I'm also watching Family Feud. Steve Harvey is rather entertaining in this role. Do you guys realize how many hosts died from this show? Just two. No big.
So none of you have tried the wonderful shot known as. "Mr. Stinky-Pants"? It's a delectable 50-50 concoction of vodka and pickle brine. Don't try it.
Several years back, I think it was when Ray Rhoades started coaching the Eagles, they had the players drink pickle juice to help keep them hydrated. It was all we heard about on the news and how brilliant the team was for having the players do it. I also think they may have kicked ass in their first game and they accredited it to the pickle juice. It was all downhill from there. Also, my college roommate was hazed for her band initiation (shut up) and they made her drink pickle juice. It turns her stomach to this day.
My five-year-old can sing the entire soundtrack of Frozen acapella. I know this, because that's what she does during every waking moment. At the top of her lungs. When I go to Disney in November, I just might tie Michael Eisner to the back of my rental and joyride drunkenly through the Holy Land Experience.
The only time I believe a vodka martini is an acceptable martini is when it is made extra-dirty. I got a costco variety pack of green olives, some with garlic in the center, some with the standard pimento, some soaking in a spicy picante brine with a jalapeno slice in the center. The garlic ones are the best. Three olives (or more if you're already drunk and hungry), pour in some of that juice with vodka from the freezer and it's great with appetizers for something hearty like a steak. Though I admit the taste isn't for everyone, if you like it, it's heavenly. I go the opposite way for gin martinis though. Simple process: put ice in a glass, get it cold, then pour out ice. Fill glass with gin to the brim. Drink. Repeat until you forget your name.
I had to Google Holy Land Experience to see if that was really a thing, and I'll be damned, it is. And it looks like quite a joyride: Spoiler
It's wondrous. Pay as much as a Disney admission to watch Jesus himself get crucified under the Orlando airport flight path at high noon. With musical numbers too! Dirty martinis are quite possibly the grossest cocktail in the entire Rolodex, no matter how its made. That is all.
Complete with tax exempt status and everything! We had to go there on scavenger hunts every semester. Bunch of Jews posing as a crucified Jesus. Good times.
So a bunch of Jews posing with a Jew. Next time just turn around and say to him "Mob rule what the fuck right, bro?" I think the Jesus at HLE is actually Pepper Keenan from Corrosion of Conformity.